Anyone else fed up of being a 'retail widow?' Please come and vent frustrations here

[philmassive]

Just had to get this off my chest. It bothers me all year really but Christmas is really exceptionally shit.

DH is a retail manager and he is working all hours God sends up to and over Christmas and the New Year. 12 hours 6 days per week, no extra money, starting at 6am Boxing Day and only Christmas Day off. Has to stay late tonight to put sale signage up so won't even see DS's go to bed on Christmas Eve all excited for Santa. The thing that really gets me is that he actually doesn't seem to be that bothered.

I have just been told this morning by DS1 that Daddy is going to get his (DS1's) present for DS2 today. Just rung DH at work and he said 'I told him I'd see' when he knows bloody well that he won't get out of the shop today. So I said 'in future just tell him the truth, say No'rather than have him disappointed. Luckily I have another pressie option up my sleeve but that is not the point.

He has disappointed kids over other things too - said he would build a manger for reindeers to eat out of - it's not finished and kids wanting to put it out tonight - said he had a 'santa stop here' sign, but asked him for it this morning before he left, and guees what? It's broken and he needs to mend it. When? You're always at bloody work!

Really need to vent frustration with myself as I said last year that I was not going to have another Christmas with disappointed kids again, and here I am, trying to make up for him again. So sad.

[bollockbrainASSofBETHLEHEM]

can you try to 'bodge' the reindeer thingy with the kids, they may enjoy doing that.

Shame he has to work such bloody awkward hours though. I hope you have a good one.

[SparklyBaubleFeast]

count your blessings
he gets christmas day off?
that is a bonus for some people.

annoying though i agree
grrrrr

[philmassive]

Yes, I know what you mean sparkly, the thing is that it is just a shop, he isn't a surgeon or a fireman. It isn't vital on the grand swcale of things. Each Christmas my kids have is unique. Each sale is the same. I know I am simplistic but it really is getting to me now that we are second to a bloody shop.

Will be having a good bodge as soon as I'm dressed, BB!

[littleducks]

I think there are two seperate issues here, one is the hours he has to work the other is the letting you and poss your dcs down

he does have to work a shame but hey some people on here are on call xmas day etc so may miss presents or dinner without prior notice, it sucks but isnt that bad

he shouldnt say he will do stuff he cant deliver though, but he probably feels guilty about the above so wants to do stuff so says he will without fully thinking it through

i would go super organised next year and gets stuff ready and out of the way in nov/early dec as you know there will always be sales

[GaspodisWearingASantaHatHoHoHo]

Phil - you have my sympathies. DH had time booked off from Friday last week until Monday. Guess where he is today??! Some emergency at work
I know it's not the end of the world but sometimes when work seems to take priority over family it's shite. Also, please ignore the 'you should be grateful he doesn't have to work Christmas day' brigade. Doesn't matter. There's always someone worse off than you but it doesn't make your feelings any less valid.

Take care and have a great Christmas day

[SparklyBaubleFeast]

it might only be a shop but to the DH's mind it is his JOB and he is the provider, whatever he does, IYKWIM... it is important to him, takes him back to his caveman days.

[piscesmoon]

You have my sympathies. I think all shops should be shut on Boxing Day and they shouldn't be preparing for sales on Christmas Eve. If everyone boycotted sales on Boxing Day sales staff could have a Christmas-unfortunately they don't.

[philmassive]

Gaspod, thank you.

It really really gets me down. He thinks I moan for the sake of it and actually I can feel myself losing it and just need some support and someone to keep me company. I feel really sad for my kids and myself as each time he lets them down or has to work instead of being with them it's me who has to pick up the pieces and deal with the disappointment. I feel like they blame me for Dad not being there, and I know that is just the nature of kids, but it really is hard constantly feeling like I'm in the wrong!

I have got everything organised and we are absolutely sorted except for the things that he was supposed to have done, and you are right ld he doesn't think things through and I do try to stop him from making these rash promises that I know he can't deliver (like making a manger!) but then he gets the strop that I think he's not capable of doing them. It's not that, just that I don't beleive in making kids promises that you aren't 100% sure you can deliver. That just doesn't cross his mind and as he doesn't have to deal with the consequences, what does he care?

I do totally blame work to be honest as he is totally wrapped up in it and once he gets there he just forgets everything else. I know he is stressed so it doesn't help me going on and on about it but something's got to give.

[andyrobo237]

Can I join your club - DH has not had a day off since Sunday 14h Dec, and tomorrow is his day off for this week, back in Boxing Day. He is acutally of New Years Day and the riday (a rare request) and was nearly scuppered by the Area Manager - he is now shown to be in on the Friday on the roster, but will not be in!

He is very grumpy as you can expect, as customers are being PIA - he got home on Monday night at 9.45pm and was heading back out to work on Tuesday Morning at 7.30am. Not much of a rest!

I just get on with things, including visiting his elderly relatives today with cards and gifts with the kids in tow, not my idea of a good day, but needs to be done! he will be grumpy tomorrow as well, and cant get too drunk as back in Work on Boxing Day at 8am!

It could be worse, he could have to work christmas day, like in a hospital or something, like my Mum did, but she jsut got on with it!

I am used to being a 'retail widow' as you say, but I actually get a cob on when he is off at the weekend (once a month) as he expects to be going out somewhere, and it is up to me to think of somewhere! I now refuse, and say 'this is what we usually do' so you can tag along if you want!!

I cant see it ever getting any better - you just live with it and cope the best you can - I am sure that a lot of people think I am a single parent of two kids!!!!!

[onlyjoking9329]

I am sure it must be hard being a "retail widow" it is hard having to do it all on your own I know, but he will be with you for Christmas, the kids will see him on Christmas morning.
I am a "real widow" this will be our first Christmas without him.

[ssd]

I used to work in retail and I know th hours your dh will be doing, it is awful, retail doesn't let you have a life at Xmas, the sale is the priority

and oj, so sorry, hope you all get through the day as best you can

ssd xx

[philmassive]

oj. Sorry, didn't mean to be totally selfish and thoughtless. I really am sorry.

[findtheriver]

Sounds like you have the easier deal - would you honestly rather be doing 12 hour days in the run up to Christmas? And I see he started work at 6am this morning, so I guess he was probably up at about 5 am. Personally I'm grateful that I have some time off from work and was cosily tucked up in my bed at 6 am on Boxing Day.

Someone has to pay the bills - be grateful!

[ssd]

thats you told op

[philmassive]

You have totally missed the point findtheriver. He is paid no extra for the additional 50 or so hours he has worked during December, so it doesn't pay the bills, all it does is take him away from his kids and give him 4 days off in the entire month, one of which is a statutory holiday on Christmas Day. The point is not that I wouldn't want to be doing it, the point is that nobody should have to do it for the sake of people wanting to go shopping.

[stillenacht]

I agree with you although have no one in retail in my family.

I think its bloody tragic how people go to sales at 6am and have been queueing all night - GET A LIFE!!!!!

I don't understand it at all. I sympathise with all retail workers and their families.

[ssd]

its totally crap being in retail at xmas, you wotk stupid hours to get ready for sale and do the extended hours and usually end up knackered with a streaming cold on xmas day when you finally stop only to be back in boxing day for the first day of sale which is bedlam

op I sympathise

[Nemostwonderfultimeoftheyear]

phil you have my sympathy as Dh has worked for comet for around 11yrs. the only bonus we have is that last year and this year he has been working for comet on call[thanks to him retraining] so has had quite decent holidays. Also helped by the fact that the other 2 blokes on his team dont have any children so are happy for dh to have boxing day off,

[rolandbrowning]

Op, I have often been grateful that neither dp or me work in retail, not just at Christmas. I know what you mean when you say that it's not like a surgeon or an other essential job. Unfortunately the retail opening hours in this country are far too long in my opinion. Don't forget no shops used to be open on Sundays at all until fairly recently. I think it is wrong.

Onlyjoking I am sorry for your loss.

[SesHasnearlyreachedhalfway]

I've worked in retail since I was 16. I think the retail demand at Christmas and over the new year sales is ridiculous.
However I choose to work in retail and accept that I get minimal time off. My choice!

[catweazle]

I've come a bit late to this but I'm in the same position. DH works nights in a shop and had the 24th and 25th off. That's it. He worked the night of the 23rd so he was asleep all day Xmas Eve, and he was back at work Boxing night. Every year some supermarket makes noises about opening Xmas Day so I'm sure it won't be long before he doesn't get any time off at all.

My sons work at McDs. They worked Boxing Day (their choice). They couldn't believe the number of people who came in complaining that McDs was shut Xmas Day What planet are these people on?

[LoulouCapone]

I totally sympathise with the OP. My DH works in retail and this year has been worse than any other, and we've been together 12yrs.
He is also working 6 days a week, from 7:30 ish to between 9 and 10 most nights. His shop shuts at 5:30! He is in charge of four other stores so he has to wait for their figures to be reported at the end of each day, then do the banking, the sale prep and generally restock the shelves ready for the onslaught the next day. He is also salaried, so he receives no overtime for the extra hours he works.
I dropped him at work on Boxing day so I could keep the car, and there were around 50 people queuing outside at about 9:30. Not for their sale either. I wanted to hurl abuse about getting lives!
We keep telling ourselves it could be worse, at least his job is safe at the moment as his is still a growth industry, but we are starting to question the affect it is having on our family life, as we seem to have lost the balance..

[philmassive]

It does make me feel slightly better that I am not the only one, but equally it makes me more cross that families all over the place are expected to put up with this. I have tried to work out his hours over the last month and it is about 275, too depressing for words - he should sleep there!

The sad thing is our 2 year old ds has started not to want to be around him unless I'm there, that is totally down to him seeing him less and needing more time around him. It must be heratbreaking for dh too.

[SoupDragon]

Perhaps he could quit his job and spend all day every day with you?

[ssd]

god soupy what a daft comment!

retail is murder, I found it impossible to get a more flexible job when I worked there

is your dh near to a head office, even for another retailer? usually HO have better hours!

its crap I agree