wrong topic probably, not sure where it fits.
Have recently left my 7yr marriage, I love him and he loves me but Im not in love with him, never have been and feel we both deserve more. I actualy dont think he loves me romantically either but we are/were the best of friends.
We have a toddler together. I am happy to be independant and was feeling free-er than in years just in terms of not constantly questioning the relationship, definitely feel ive done the right thing.
Im pregnant. very early and its utterly ironic as we really never had sex, he never wanted to but a few weeks ago he did and i went along through guilt - he's very upset about the split.
Im gutted, an absolute mess. I would have loved another baby. And now its happened and i cant do it.
i have got into so much debt moving out and i found the baby days a real struggle - i think it would break me to do it on my own and with another child.
I have told him and he says it would be selfish to have the baby if we arent together, but would be over the moon if we could be a family.
I cant go back, i was living a lie and being with soneone who didn't love me in a romantic/sexual/passionate way has utterly stripped me of my confidence.
I am on my own, he is my only friend and i naively hoped he would still care about me as i do him, but i dont think he does. he has turned very cold towards me and as pathetic as it sounds i cant bear it - apart from Dd, he has been the most important person in my life, really he's the only person. My best friend and ive lost that now. I have nobody. My family are far away with their own problems and I dont fee i can confide in them.
I have suddenly become a single mother, full of debt, with no companion, no support and now this. I would love this baby but i cant, i know that but its kiling me to think of going to the doctor to end the pregnancy.
I dont know how i'll get through this.
I know this is all my own fault, i made these choices and now i have to deal with it.
i thought i was strong but i'm not.
i cant bring myself to tak to anyone, im hiding from everything- i want to lock my doors and windows and hide away and keep my baby. Im going mad.
i dont know what i wany anyone to say, i just eed to get it out.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Never felt so bleak and terrified
FleurDeLeeds · 12/09/2008 22:59
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