I know this is the season to be jolly and all that but actually I've always found Christmas quite difficult - I guess from growing up in an unhappy home. Dh is the same only quite a bit worse. Since having Dd (just turned 2 and born a few days before Christmas)things feel a lot better to me but Dh seems to be behaving very much as before - withdrawing from me (and her) and spending all spare time on his computer, and hardly speaking except to snap at me every time I say something he finds annoying (just about anything that comes out of my mouth at present). After 14 years together this behaviour is all too familiar and I know it will pass but about mid Jan but right now I feel trapped and depressed. Before we had Dd I would give him a wide birth over Christmas and New year and do stuff with other people that made me feel better but now I don't have as many options. In any case, Dh doesn't want me to go anywhere with Dd on my own - even to visit my family - as it makes him look bad (he feels). It's not that he want to come with me (far from it) - really he just wants me to cancel everything and stay indoors for 2 wks which to me feels unbearable. This Christmas is an extra-difficult one for me as the same time last year my dad was dying and the memories of it are very strong. I'm also 4 months pregnant so probably a bit hysterical anyway. I keep thinking of Dd and feeling such a failure for not being able to give her a proper 'Happy Christmas.' I so desperately don't want her to grow up like me, finding it a sad and painful time of year, but am terrified that;s exactly what will happen. I'm sorry to introduce such a gloomy note but am wondering if anyone else struggles with this time of year too?
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