would you ask someone you were seeing how many people they had slept with?

[nappyaddict]

i'm that my friend has just asked the bloke she is seeing this. if someone asked me i would find it very rude. i suppose if i was in an actual relationship i wouldn't mind too much and would expect it to come up at some point.

[bookwormmum]

Depends how far down the line it is I guess. Personally I don't really want to know the exact number (I cringe when asked this by a man since there are around three possible reactions - they're shocked and think you are a slut; they're intrigued or they laugh) and you can always make an educated guess when you get to know them.

[JamesAndTheGiantBanana]

Just seeing, no. When I'm in a relationship yeah. I'm pretty open and the men I choose are too so we share loads of details about past sex lives, not just numbers. I like knowing all there is to know, I'm nosey!

[expatinscotland]

NO.

Never.

Even if it were a serious relationship.

What the hell does that matter?

It's in the past, what matters is how we are now and will be in the future.

TBH if someone did and got insistent on it it would be a red flag to me that they had issues about the past and letting go of the past.

[bookwormmum]

My ex bf is really jealous, even of past doings, so sharing details would not be an option! In fact, I was careful what details I let slip about past relationships for this reason. It wasn't worth the hassle since the old green-eyed monster would rear up from time to time (usually after a row). One reason we split up.

[bookwormmum]

Expat - that was it in reverse for me. Since I declined to discuss it, he thought I had 'issoos' that had to be teased out of me. Far from it.

[nappyaddict]

i agree with expat. i would never ask this but if a bf asked me i wouldn't mind giving an answer. i remember one bf asking me then going in a right strop about it. if you're going to have hang ups about the answer why ask in the first place?

[expatinscotland]

Yeah, that's a red flag to me, book.

I had a bf who went into detail about past sexual partners. Unasked, of course.

He turned out to be insecure and verbally abusive.

Anyone who got insistent on knowing would be at the kerb if he were going out with me.

[TheBlonde]

no, DH & I have discussed our pasts but mostly in relation to people we still see who we have previously shagged

[bookwormmum]

I think some men want to find out so they can either show off at being more experienced or try and put you down if the positions are reversed. Of course lots of men are probably just a bit curious and won't think anything of it.

[Jackstini]

Not if just seeing.
If in a relationship and I was thinking of having kids with them then I would ask if he had had unprotected sex with anyone whose history he was not sure of

[RosaLuxOnTheBrightSideOfLife]

What is the difference between seeing someone and being in a relationship? How do you decided when you have crossed the line?

[Jackstini]

I would say when you move from casual dates to either spending most of your time together / agreeing to be exclusive / moving in together / talking about the fact you see yourselves being together for the forseeable future...
Probably different for everyone

[JamesAndTheGiantBanana]

Rosalux, I would say the difference for me is when you know them well enough to trust them, and then you get to that pillowtalk stage where you confess all. I feel so much closer to my dp because we've shared so many secrets. The number of sexual partners isn't important, but it is interesting and telling, imho.

[postingatlast]

as a man, I never used to mind being asked and i suspect most men do not mind. It does depend a bit, however, on if it is asked in a slightly bunny boiling type way or if it is in the context of open conversation. Generally with me it just used to come up in the course of comfortable intimate chats.

I think such info is pretty harmless with someone you are being intimate with. It's just facts, no different to the school you went to or whether you like red or white wine. Also, the partner's reaction can be a good indicator of whether they are the right person for you. To take two extremes, a virgin is with the wrong person if she pisses herself laughing when she finds out and someone with a colourful past is with the wrong person if she whips the bible out (or any other religious book of course!) when he tells her that he has been promiscuous!

My attitude was always a simple one - my past is what lead me to the point I was at at that specific moment in time. If any [potential] partner had a problem with any part of it, they were clearly not accepting of me as an individual, flaws and mistakes and all!

Of course, if the info had ever been used against me, either there and then or at a later date, that DP would quickly have become and ex-dp!!

[postingatlast]

last sentence PeterDuck, nail hit on head...

[greeneyedgirl]

I have asked, more cos I am totally nosey than any need to know. The blokes in question didn't have a prob with it at all! I have a very laid back attitude to sex though and it doesn't matter to me what the answer ends up being.

[tiredemma]

No- whats the point? I dont need to know.

[RosaLuxOnTheBrightSideOfLife]

But what if you don't KNOW how many people you've slept with? Doesn't sound too good does it? 'Um, er, I think probably around, you know, sort of averagish numbers, but well it depend doesn't it on exactly how we define 'slept with' and er, oh god, shall we say, I don't know 40ish. Probably.'
If I had said that to DH he would have run a mile.
So I said 10.

[Oblomov]

No.
Def not.
I never asked dh either - but then I never needed to, becasue as we talked about past life/holidays/parties he went to, the rough number became apparent.
I think it is a big NO NO !

[tissy]

I was once asked by a bf for numbers of previous shags, and whether they were serious or one-night stands. this was before we got down to any thing.

He got dumped sharpish.

[MrsMattie]

Never. And I would never tell anyone how many people I'd slept with, either. Not even my husband knows. None of his business!

[ZippiBabes]

no...tho iam pretty curious at the mo re someone i am seeing but it would be terrible bad manners to ask

[beaniesteve]

I would ask (Have asked) but I wouldn't let it upset me. My Boyfriend has slept with loads of people, I have slept with two. All I care about is that he's disease free and he wants to be witn me. The past is the past. I don't think there's anything wrong with asking unless you're then going to get all upset about it!

[Blu]

It would probably come up at some stage - but only as a matter of passing interest. I would drop anyone who made it a sort of interview question - or who was at all bothered, one way or another - by the answer.

I would be suspicious of anyone who was particyularly 'private' about giving an answer, or prickly about being asked because afaiac, it is of very little importance.