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30 day no contact/ opening up for happiness

(44 Posts)
Unrequitedlove Mon 26-Sep-16 12:02:46

Hello! Is anyone from previous threads here still? (I've name changed) how are we all doing?

aLeopardanditsSpots Mon 26-Sep-16 13:55:55

Didn't join the previous thread but I'll join you on this one if that'd ok.
Split in December and haven't spoken since Feb so pretty much no contact but I still have a look at his social media sometimes which has to stop now and I've decided I'm ready.

Unrequitedlove Tue 27-Sep-16 10:17:51

Hopefully everyone is doing well.. I'm very slowly moving on but it's tough not to ruminate, think of the past, get upset when I go to places I was with him. I feel I've lost myself a bit. Also lost best friend in split.. Very let down! On a positive note, no kids with him, we didn't live together.. I'll never see him again as it was a long distance relationship.. Why did I get involved?
Do you have kids with him Leopard? It's hard to break the habit of looking on social media..

aLeopardanditsSpots Tue 27-Sep-16 18:32:02

I'm struggling at the moment as I seem to be thinking 'a year ago...' quite a lot.
No kids with him thank god but we lived together and had a wedding booked. He cheated. I'm torn between feeling relieved and still hurt. And angry. Anger seems to have resurfaced just lately. I'm thinking about seeking councilling I'm disappointed I still feel so bad after so long.

Blosom8 Tue 27-Sep-16 19:03:14

Hello hello, I'm back after my holiday and decided to name change too as I'm moving on and my previous name was very identifying, which actually, at the time I didn't mind. Had a few other big things to do as well and now I'm having some quiet time for the next month.
So glad we're back on as this evening I was thinking about you all this evening then found the thread had started. Big thank you.
I was proud of myself for going on my holiday as ex-h had belittled me with never being able to organise travel. Yippee for me.
I feel very distant from ex now. As I had gone over the 3 month mark with absolutely no contact, I decided to delete all his contact details and all the photos of him. I then looked at his Facebook page (because I can now) and really felt nothing for him.

Hello Leopard! Glad you've joined us.
Unrequentedlove - I can understand the lost bit, I'm still a bit like that. I struggle when I'm on my own as I default back to thinking to one loves me / I'm so alone when I'm on my own and even if I don't have people messaging me.
I just had someone asked to rearrange something for the future (no date arranged yet) and I immediately went into 'rejection' mode, that I'm not good enough, I've done something wrong. What a load of crock I think!
I've been out with someone else a few times which has been nice, I'm taking it easy but I'm also aware I panic when he doesn't contact for days which I'm glad I'm aware of and trying to work through that feeling.

Angleshades Tue 27-Sep-16 20:50:43

I'm nc now for almost 2 months after a brief but intense relationship. I was dealing with it pretty well but then managed to bump into him twice within the last week which has thrown me a bit. Feel like I'm pretty much back at square one but am determined not to contact him.

Unrequitedlove Wed 28-Sep-16 00:03:23

So glad to start up again- I still love him sad

Unrequitedlove Wed 28-Sep-16 09:16:50

I'm still having mood swings about the whole experience.. I haven't seen him since end of June now. I find it difficult to think he's just moved on and he probably doesn't give me a thought.. It's mainly when I have wine (like last night!) that I go into 'I still love him mode'.. I'm annoyed with myself for not thinking in a balanced way about how he treat me, more than likely used me and strung me along.. The negative comments like 'this doesn't do anything for me' very hurtful.. My self esteem is shot.. I want to feel better about myself, not blame myself or put myself down.. I don't like me very much at the moment..

Blosom8 Wed 28-Sep-16 20:10:13

It's difficult to get your self esteem back up but I think you will. I have found reading the Natalie Lue books helpful. Even now I've been on a few dates with someone else, I can see what my pattern is now.
I listen to a self esteem meditation every morning (by The Honest Guys) and I'm starting another sports activity soon as I don't want to get too focused on the whole dating scene again.
I realised I was totally used by ex, I've had absolutely no contact. I think as soon as I called him up on what he really was he's shown his true colours.

Missyaggravation Wed 28-Sep-16 20:21:26

Can I join? Split up for the seventy millionth time with ex. I think the time before last, I felt so fucking dreadful I would have done anything to alleviate the pain. I did, got back with him, but realised that all of the problems were still there and suddenly

Missyaggravation Wed 28-Sep-16 20:25:14

Oops posted too soon, and suddenly being with him didnt solve them, so I dumped again. I think maybe I was in love with a version of him that didnt exist. I thought he loved me too, but things he has said and done I cant get out of my head.

I do still long for him though, that rollercoaster feeling in my stomach when he kissed me or looked into my eyes. Aghh I have blocked him, but tbh im a complete mess sad

Missyaggravation Wed 28-Sep-16 20:26:20

Help?

Unrequitedlove Wed 28-Sep-16 21:37:45

Hang on in there missy. It's so tough! How long have you been no contact?

Angleshades Wed 28-Sep-16 21:52:10

The other day I wrote a list of all the horrible things he'd said and done during our time together. Every time I think of him I glance at the list and it snaps me back into reality. I'm really not missing anything by being apart from him. If I went back all the same problems would be there. We'd argue within less than a week, he'd ghost me or make out everything is somehow my fault. I'm sooo much better off without him. Just need my brain to stay focused on that.

BantyCustards Wed 28-Sep-16 22:02:46

Can I join?

Not doing well at all. It's hard because we have DC so I still have to see him regularly

Unrequitedlove Thu 29-Sep-16 08:18:04

Yes Banty.. welcome.
I'm going to write another list today as a reminder of how s@&t he treat me at times.. I AM going to get over him and come out the other side. Strength to all...

Movedout Mon 03-Oct-16 23:00:47

Can I join? 18 months together, but on and off, he regularly just stopped calling, then he gets in touch and it all starts again. Anyway, for no particular reason, although I felt him getting a little distant we both stopped calling; that was 9 days ago. We didn't live together and he lives 80 miles away so I'll never see him again. I'm trying to go for 30 days, I was hoping after that he would miss me so much he'd be delighted to hear from me, alternatively I'd be completely over him, I must be mad. I feel so bereft, I actually feel physically ill, for all of his faults I really enjoyed his company. I was unhappily married for 20 years prior to this, so I'm no 'spring chicken' and neither is he. Deep down I think I was always he fall back option, he didn't like the distance or the fact that because of my teenage children I couldn't fully commit to a proper relationship, my kids have never met him. When will I feel better, it's affecting every aspect of my life, I'm so miserable and can't imagine 30 days will fix anything.

Unrequitedlove Sat 08-Oct-16 09:08:17

How are we all getting on?
As time goes on I'm feeling better, although just a bit lost with my own life. I'm feeling more confortable being with myself and less tearful when I go to places we have been together.. just a bit sad.. perhaps this is the acceptance stage..I do feel lonely and miss having someone there just for me.. anyway.. rest assured it gets better

needahugbug Sat 08-Oct-16 10:20:03

Can I join please sad really struggling

Movedout Sat 08-Oct-16 22:24:13

Thank you for the update unrequited and sorry to hear you're struggling needahug. I'm getting on with things but must confess to stalking his Facebook today and generally feeling lonely and sad. Still managing not to text or phone though.

Mamalicious16 Sat 08-Oct-16 22:34:27

Can I join too? Relationship on and bloody off like a bloody yo yo. Finally blocked him on everything but keep unblocking him just in case a text comes through. Need to be strong and remember I deserve better

Mamalicious16 Sat 08-Oct-16 22:35:20

God I miss him

Unrequitedlove Sun 09-Oct-16 06:28:23

For some of you it will still be very raw and you almost go through a period of pining for them. The conflicting emotions in the early days are so hard to deal with..
It is taking time but I'm 'levelling out' if that makes sense and am now trying to work it out as my mind is clearer. I feel utterly used and a fool for getting involved with him when he had just separated from his wife. I'll never see him again. We were due to have a baby this month but I had a m/c. It really f's with my mind. I really hate social media in these circumstances. He blocked me. I've deleted his number from my phone (although still have it written down).. I'm cutting down on alcohol too and avoiding people who don't make me feel better.
I feel very lonely at times. I've started writing a journal for the really tough spells.. how long have you all been n/c?
Last I saw him was June..

donerwillbehere Sun 09-Oct-16 21:50:54

Hello ..... Was in original post way way back ...... I had no contact for 6 weeks ..... I was making progress really I was ..... But he called and I met him so we started seeing each other once a week ...... He was pushing for more and I said no happy how things are ..... I will fill you in briefly ...... He had issues with drugs and alcohol .... Joined a dating site took women out .... I found out said no more but made sure he went to rehab .... He was asked to leave 3 weeks later ...... He went off with another women .... That was in May .... I went no contact ..... Blocked him every which way ...... 3 days before holiday . End of July Unknown phone call answered it .... Guess who ...... You guessed it ..... Douche bag ...... I agreed after holiday would meet ...... This was end of August ....... Beginning of week I said that I didn't want a relationship with anyone was happy how thins was ....... I am final year of a BA to get my teaching post ..... So all my energy is focused in that ...... I was very much a team when I was with him .... But his behaviours and other women unacceptable ...... So I do not have the emotional capacity to invest in any relationship ....... Bearing in mind he went off with another women so I quite nervous about it so was treading carefully ....... He said he understood ..... I said think is best no contact ...... His behaviours were changing .... Any way ...... He then told me he had been in dating sites but he was talking to women but not met any ....... He swear on that ....... I said ok .... Let's leave it there ..... I said to him not to contact me as when he meets someone he will tell me and that will really hurt ...... Anyway ..... Writing my seminar paper last night ..... Watts app him ..... I was suspicious ...... Said to him been blown out with other women 2 no pickings me .... He said no blah blah ....... 10 mins later another watts app saying leaving the house going to a mating mate then sloping round the motorway to see xxxxxx lol ..... I was upset ..... Replied with wrong person his response soz ..... Realty does anybody say that now ??? I rang him and said leave me alone please you are a prick and very cruel ....... Why would he do that ..... I have been honest. With and begged him not to contact me ..... He is now completely blocked ...... Don't get it .... He was the one that went off with other women not me ... I feel very path to at the moment almost like he is laughing at me .... He has locked me in room ..... Threatened me ...... Called me really a abusive names ..... I don't understand what is wrong with me ..... Why did I put myself back there to be in this situation again ..... Sorry ladies ....... Thanks for reading X

donerwillbehere Sun 09-Oct-16 21:54:11

Sorry didn't read back .... He watts app me ..... Last night......
Hope makes sense I am feeling really down

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