Is what I said to my husband this morning.
I'm a bit torn between (a) feeling bad that I am not supporting him, when he always supports me, and (b) feeling frustrated that he is so bad at getting the kids out of the house in the morning.
I said it because he was having a go at our 8 yr old. The thing is, 2 minutes earlier I had also been shouting. The difference is that I yelled "DS! UPSTAIRS! TEETH!! NOW!" which moved us towards the goal of ds finally doing his teeth. Dh, instead, starting quizzing ds about WHY he was so unhelpful this morning. It went "Why haven't you cleaned your teeth yet? Why? Mummy asked you to three times already! Why haven't you done it? Why? Have you packed your bag yet? Why not? Where's your folder? Come on! Why aren't you ready?" And it was just horrid and badgering and I yelled at him that he wasn't helping.
Also, when I yell at the children, which I very rarely do, it is never in anger and I am sure it doesn't upset them in the slightest. If anything it's almost exasperated and funny. When I am genuinely cross I don't yell.
This snapshot is just an example of a common pattern; me doing everything 'right' and then getting cross with dh for getting it wrong. It's horrid of me to think it's like that, but although I do see how I'm in the wrong, I think there is a grain of truth in it too. I put a lot more effort in.
When dh is away I cheerfully get all children fed on a decent breakfast, time for chatting, everyone with the right kit, all book bags signed, and in to school in plenty of time. There's only grumpiness and shouting when he's here to 'help'.
At one point this morning I actually told him to go upstairs to get himself ready for work, like he was one of the children :(
I was thinking of talking to him about it. I want to say that I understand I'm a bit control freaky in the mornings, and I apologise for undermining him, but also could he please think about helping us to move positively towards the goal of everyone leaving the house by 7am, still on speaking terms?
I also want to ask him to have another look at HTTSYKWL.
Gawd, am I about to get a roasting? I do sound smug and controlly (because I am a bit, I do work on it and try not to be too unsufferable), but the issue right now is that my husband is probably feeling hurt and a bit unimportant in family life, and I want to fix that.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
"Darling, that's just not helping"
SharingMichelle · 21/09/2016 07:03
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