Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

He was addicted to gambling and now has a new addiction - will this ever end?

(41 Posts)
orangeistheonlyfruit Sun 04-Sep-16 17:06:19

So I uncovered a serious gambling addiction early last year. Thousand in debt etc etc. He goes to gamblers anon and hasn't gambled since - as far as I know.

But now he has a new obsession. Video games. He buys a good few a week - he can't afford them and goes without other stuff he needs - he once a month invites a group of other gamers around (they are are teens and some middle aged!) for an all day session and he continually talks about video games.

Before it was video games it was collecting war memorabilia and before that it was trying to become a you tube phenomenon.

on the flip side it's not gambling right? But I'm really fed up.

Branleuse Sun 04-Sep-16 17:08:16

does he have aspergers do you think?

ImperialBlether Sun 04-Sep-16 17:09:36

Why are you still with him, OP? Just one obsession would drive me away, but one after another? Don't you feel like there's no space for you in his life?

Aussiebean Sun 04-Sep-16 17:13:13

Could have an addictive personality. First can upon it when Russell Brand spoke about it. People similar to him get addicted to things very easily.

For many it's drugs alcohol etc. Others get addicted to running or cycling so not necessarily seen as a bad thing.

That could be his problem. And if so, no it won't stop.

orangeistheonlyfruit Sun 04-Sep-16 18:13:04

Bran no I don't think it's asbergers as this doesn't really have any repetertive attributes of anything it's more the random thing of he's onto to one thing and then the next week it's all change and then there's something else.

I do fee like there isn't much room for me blether as if it does cause an arguement and I say I really am not on board with this he will just say well he is on board with and he's enjoying it and therefore what is my problem.

aussie I think you are right I kind of wished lots of posters came on and told me this period would end and everything is going to be fine.

I really don't know if I want this in my life forever.

Beachlovingirl Sun 04-Sep-16 18:32:38

Orange I feel your pain. My boyfriend is also a gambler and has stopped it and has a new hobby/addiction.

I don't think the whole having people over all day is ok though - is it his house?

orangeistheonlyfruit Sun 04-Sep-16 18:40:56

Yes beach it is as I'm not on the mortgage. He earns more than me too so don't feel I have any opinion.

His friends are over here later on so that'll be a fun end to the weekend for me...

orangeistheonlyfruit Sun 04-Sep-16 18:41:27

Also what is the new addiction for your boyfriend?!

AnyFucker Sun 04-Sep-16 18:43:48

God, how can you be arsed with this ?

You do realise there are other blokes put there that would put you first instead of a series of "addictions" don't you ?

What sort of upbringing did you have that you think this semi relationship is all you deserve ?

Beachlovingirl Sun 04-Sep-16 18:43:55

Orange really what are you going to do as this can't be an enjoyable life for you...?

What is he like outside of the computer game world? Don't you feel a bit like youre in a relationship with a teenager?

RunRabbitRunRabbit Sun 04-Sep-16 18:44:35

Why are you sticking around for it? Sounds both dull and stressful.

ApocalypseSlough Sun 04-Sep-16 18:45:31

What's tying you to him?!

RandomMess Sun 04-Sep-16 18:49:00

Do you have DC?

Personally I'd walk away if he cannot see the issue and doesn't want to try and deal with it.

orangeistheonlyfruit Sun 04-Sep-16 18:52:28

fucker he makes me believe I am being unreasonable and that this is only a hobby though I don't think it is. He says I am always having a go at him.

orange yes very much so. I thought I had married a man but maybe more a man child!

run and apocolypse we have young children and I came from divorced parents.

I suppose I don't feel like I should be priority number 1 as he makes me feel like I don't deserve it. The war addiction was actually easier to deal with than the video games! If he stops this when what can be next?!

ImperialBlether Sun 04-Sep-16 18:52:30

I really don't know if I want this in my life forever.

Oh come on, you do know you don't want this. Nobody would want it!

How old are you? Mind you, even if you were 95 I'd suggest you get out.

ImperialBlether Sun 04-Sep-16 18:54:01

He has a house full of randomers when you have young children there?

AnyFucker Sun 04-Sep-16 18:58:39

Are you married ?

orangeistheonlyfruit Sun 04-Sep-16 19:06:17

I know imperial I know. It's shit isn't it. And I don't fancy him whatsoever, he's not the man I married. I'm 36 so lots of time to find someone else.

Argh where did it all go wrong. I've invested so much and been there to dig him out of the gambling.

ImperialBlether Sun 04-Sep-16 19:08:08

You know whatever he does, it's unhealthy, not just to him but to his family. Can you envisage a life without him?

RandomMess Sun 04-Sep-16 19:14:54

Sunken cost fallacy then!

Truly I would separate, you will find life better without him the state he is in at the moment.

junebirthdaygirl Sun 04-Sep-16 19:15:33

Anyone who is addicted will always blame someone else. Hence all the guys in the pub to get away from the " nagging " wives. If he is fully engaging with gamblers anon he should be learning about himself and how he deals with life ie escaping through various addictions. Usually people who work with those in addiction are very aware of looking out for other addictions. Its difficult for you. He is not dealing with underlying issues. I don't know how you can put up with that.

Beachlovingirl Sun 04-Sep-16 19:16:09

Orange Imperial is right. He can't enjoy things normally. My boyfriend is the same, gets totally obsessed and blocks out everything else, even becomes a different person so his new "hobby friends" like him more. Some weeks are worse than others though or maybe that's me being conditioned into thinking I have a decent guy and I'm the issue.

At 36 think of the men out there, not acting like children, not getting obsessed by hobbies, not scrabbling around trying to find themselves.

Do you think your husband is depressed? Sounds a lot like my situation.

Pagwatch Sun 04-Sep-16 19:18:03

Are you loving your life? Enjoying how much you care for each other? Feeling supported and respected?

Because if not, what the fuck is the point?

orangeistheonlyfruit Sun 04-Sep-16 19:21:20

Before this latest one started yes I did feel mostly like we had a good supportive respectful relationship - as much as anyone can have with an addicted gambler. But not any more. It's like he's well and truly gone down the rabbit hole.

orangeistheonlyfruit Sun 04-Sep-16 19:25:37

And beach yes I think he is. Not that he would ever admit that. how do you vye for attention when the hobby is around beach?

June he is following the steps and all that and spouts some stuff to me sometimes about changing behaviours. He totally does not think this hobby is an addiction or to replace his addiction in any way. If I ask him if that's a new game he gets very defensive.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now