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I need some advice please

(43 Posts)
MozzchopsThirty Fri 29-Jul-16 16:28:42

I've been dating a guy for 2 years.
He has lots of issues from past relationships, and childhood, I think he's probably depressed and so does he but he won't get support
I've met his children once
He's only just started the divorce/childcare process and this is causing him added stress

We went on holiday in June and he was miserable, towards the end we hardly spoke, he was just mean, never said I love you once during whole trip, or said I looked nice etc

So came back and we had a party invite, he asked me to go which was a shock as I've only ever met one of his friends, lovely I thought
Then we had a few minor gripes and he messaged saying he thought we should 'give the party a miss' in case we 'caused a scene'

Following on from this last night he unfriended me on FB stating that he didn't like me talking to my 'cheating' friend and he didn't think us being Facebook friends was going to work (he only requested me 3 weeks ago after 2 years of refusing)
He doesn't like that I'm going out with her next week as he thinks because we're not getting on then I'll cheat

Any opinions welcome
I've no fucking idea what's going on, it's like he's sabotaging the relationship constantly

SfaOkaySuperFurryAnimals Fri 29-Jul-16 16:36:02

Walk away now, red flags and sirens are there to protect you. Find someone like yourself that you deserve.

PurpleWithRed Fri 29-Jul-16 16:40:09

Good grief, dump him now and find someone a bit less pathetic.

MozzchopsThirty Fri 29-Jul-16 16:50:14

But we've had so many lovely times.
It just seems to have descended into chaos
I've never cheated on him although I have on a previous partner and he knows this

I'm wondering if his two marriages were destroyed by him in this way sad

It's as if he picks at things to cause problems, he won't apologise for things now, he used to and he was a really good communicator initially
I'm exhausted with trying

TheNaze73 Fri 29-Jul-16 16:53:33

I can't believe what I'm reading?! It don't sound right though. Not many people would put up with that OP

OhNoNotMyBaby Fri 29-Jul-16 16:54:44

He sounds a real catch - not. Why are you wasting your time with an arsehole who clearly doesn't like, love or respect you? Read your own post OP.

I'm exhausted with trying Stop trying. He's not worth your time or effort.

toadgirl Fri 29-Jul-16 16:55:11

But we've had so many lovely times

Don't let that hook you in. You can have lovely times with loads of people. That's a mistake I used to make. Be grateful for so little. Letting a few "lovely times" override glaring red flags.

It just seems to have descended into chaos

You don't need or want chaos, right?

I'm wondering if his two marriages were destroyed by him in this way

I've no doubt they were.

It's as if he picks at things to cause problems, he won't apologise for things now

Imagine this being your life?

he used to and he was a really good communicator initially

Ah, the honeymoon period, when people put on their best front. Then, the mask slips.

I'm exhausted with trying

So stop. Really, you can do better. You won't get a medal for this, you know.

I know how hard this can be. You sound kind and the kind of person that really works at relationships. That's great if you have the right guy, but you're at the two-year mark now and you sound so unhappy. You can't change this man. He's bleeding you dry emotionally.

Be smarter than I was and cut your losses flowers

MozzchopsThirty Fri 29-Jul-16 16:58:50

Toadgirl thank you that was a great post

It took me years to ask exh to leave, and when I did it was hard initially but now I'm so glad I did because life is (or was) amazing

How have I ended up like this again sad with a man who is rude, uncaring and has the communication skills of an amoeba

MozzchopsThirty Fri 29-Jul-16 17:00:35

Just to tip you all over the edge, a couple of weeks ago he asked how I was and I said not great I have a headache (suffer massively with headaches & migraines) he replied 'of course you have there's a 'y' in the day' hmmGod knows how I didn't punch him in the face

OhNoNotMyBaby Fri 29-Jul-16 17:03:38

I think that tells you all you need to know Mozzchops. Toadgirl has it spot on.

WannaBe Fri 29-Jul-16 17:05:29

You've posted about this bloke before haven't you? Numerous times. and every time you do you're on the verge of ending it, are in tears because it's ended and aren't going back and then a couple of months down the line you're posting here again.

It doesn't matter what people tell you on here, you have no resolve to end things with him.

MozzchopsThirty Fri 29-Jul-16 17:06:38

No wannabe, maybe you're thinking about my exh who I posted about year after year grin
I think I've posted about this dp once

Tiggeryoubastard Fri 29-Jul-16 17:10:12

You don't even realise that you're not even in a relationship with this prince of a man.
He's got absolutely nothing going for him and yet you're allowing him to completely take the piss out of you.
You need to treat yourself better than you are. Get rid. You're better alone than carrying this loser.

WannaBe Fri 29-Jul-16 17:10:16

Ok smile well, given you've never met his friends, are not included in his life and he only allowed you to be friends on FB three weeks ago it's fairly obvious that he's just not that into you.

Being single is far preferable. Get rid.

adora1 Fri 29-Jul-16 17:11:02

Jesus is this a wind up, are you serious, find your self respect and kick the arsehole to the kerb, I'd not date until you can sort out why your standards are so bloody low.

And, as if it needs saying, he thinks you will cheat because that is exactly what he would do given the chance.

DietCockBreak Fri 29-Jul-16 17:11:03

Sounds like he isn't single, he's still with the dc's mum. Or at least he was until recently. In any case, it sounds really crap, you can do so much better. flowers

MozzchopsThirty Fri 29-Jul-16 17:15:37

Oh no he's definitely not with the mum, I've seen her messages
He's lived with his friend for the last 2 years and I've stayed there plenty
He says he likes what little time he has with the children to be just him and them

WannaBe Fri 29-Jul-16 17:35:40

So given he doesn't want you to be a part of his children's lives, doesn't want you to be friends on Facebook and doesn't want you to go out with him in public, where exactly is it you see this going?

AnyFucker Fri 29-Jul-16 17:40:35

He wants out but he's too chickenshit to do it himself

Leefr200 Fri 29-Jul-16 18:08:06

Sounds like he's got no confidence loads of stress and thinks you will leave him anyway so making it easy for u! If u love him but him something nice tell him no matter how much he tries to push u away u will still be there and his attitude may change!

toadgirl Fri 29-Jul-16 18:17:13

Toadgirl thank you that was a great post

Aw, shucks blush

It took me years to ask exh to leave, and when I did it was hard initially but now I'm so glad I did because life is (or was) amazing

Remember that lesson regarding this new PITA you need to get shot off. Just grit your teeth, get it over with, and jump for bloody joy.

How have I ended up like this again sad with a man who is rude, uncaring and has the communication skills of an amoeba

Because you weren't looking where you were going and tripped up again. I echo what a PP said - find out in therapy why you are doing this to yourself. I did it for years. Same shitty relationship, just a different name and head. I've learned these painful lessons so you don't have to wink

Just to tip you all over the edge, a couple of weeks ago he asked how I was and I said not great I have a headache (suffer massively with headaches & migraines)

HE'S your main headache.

he replied 'of course you have there's a 'y' in the day' hmmGod knows how I didn't punch him in the face

See, where the consideration you give him? This is a one-way relationship.

Next time you see him, tell him you've found a great cure for the biggest headache in your life. It's called a breakup grin

toadgirl Fri 29-Jul-16 18:19:03

No wannabe, maybe you're thinking about my exh who I posted about year after year I think I've posted about this dp once

So don't let this latest guy siphon away years of your life, like your ex did. That's two years down the drain with him already.

Surely your life is more precious to you than that?

maisiejones Fri 29-Jul-16 18:21:46

Leefr200. Are you serious???? So your advice is to make yourself a doormat and hang around waiting for crumbs? Give me strength!

adora1 Fri 29-Jul-16 18:24:22

Leefr200 is the prize prince I think lol

nicenewdusters Fri 29-Jul-16 18:25:09

I agree with all the others who say you need to consider why your standards are so low.

He sounds revolting. He's making an absolute fool of you. Walk away from him. Let's face it, you don't share anything in life so a clean break will be pretty easy to achieve.

Better to be single, at peace, in control, than with a dickhead.

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