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How would you deal with a dh like this?

67 replies

yummymummycleo · 17/07/2016 10:38

I ve been married five years and often find my marriage hard. dh and I are quite different people and have totally different views on life. As times gone by and 2dcs, who are 3.5 and 1.5,later this is becoming more of a problem. I guess this is as life's got busier and more stressful with dcs and my dh is a director of his own business which is just taking off and so finds this more stressful than most. I get this is stressful but. I feel most people are better at just getting on with things.

He just wants to sit around the house all weekend and recharge his batteries. He has this fatigue thing which runs in the family and so lacks in energy a lot and things like drinking and stress seem to effect him more than most. But he doesn't help himself with this by not going to bed late and cutting back on triggers like certain foods and drinks. He finds it hard to do anything he doesn't want to do without an argument first. He doesn't see my view that that's life and that I do plenty of things I don't want to do but get on with it.

I like to be busy and like to go out. I find life easier with the kids to go out so they are distracted and busy rather than arguing with each other at home. We compromised and had one day in and one day out at the weekends but even that doesn't seem to work now.

We ve just got back from a weeks holiday, which although not totally relaxing with the age of our dcs, I felt we had down time and says were spent on the beach and in the pool.

There's an annual boat festival where we live today and I want to go. It's meant to be a lovely day and I thought the kids could paddle in the water fountains and we could go around the stalls and look at the boats. Have lunch out and look in some art shops. This is my idea of a lovely relaxing day with dcs. Much more relaxing than being in. Dh refuses and wants to stay in and get sorted for work tomorrow. I can understand this so said lets go after lunch after dds nap. Still refuses. This is not his idea of fun. He says he needs this day to relax for his body before going back to work. I see going to the festival as relaxing. It's not like we re going climbing or shopping!

We are so different. Sometimes I think I wouldn't have married him if I knew he would be like this. I don't want life like this for the next thirty years. He's so moody. He makes no effort with friends and our whole social life is organised by me. However, when he is out he comes across as the life and soul of the party and is very sociable. He's the sort of person people instantly like. Yet, to get him out is a chore.

How would you handle this? Should I just go out with the dcs on my own? However, I don't find this much fun and friends are all busy doing family stuff at the weekend and I don't have lots of friends to call upon. I don't want to spend the next thirty years doing family things on my own or arguing so he ends up coming because he's been made too. I want us both to be happy.

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OurBlanche · 17/07/2016 10:43

Pick up your keys, grab the kids and go and have fun.

Keep on doing that as often as you would like.

Basically he is dictating what you and your kids can and cannot do... he is not parenting, he is not allowing you to have joint lives... is that what you want? Is that what you want for your kids?

Keep thinking about it... is there enough else in your relationship or is this something you don't want to put up with?