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In law and dh issues....

29 replies

Fedupd0tcom · 01/07/2016 15:45

Hi everyone.

I'm just feeling very alone right now and have just had enough.

I just can't deal with my MIL and I never want to see her again! There, I've said it.

My DH knows but obvs he adores her cos she's his Mum and my LO adores her too. They see her when I'm at work. She makes a point of only seeing them when I'm at work.

For the past few years she's been the most hurtful MIL to me. She was alright with me before I married her son. Then she revealed her true colours. Annoyingly I'm the only person who's seen them. My DH always takes her side and says I'm over sensitive and she gets like a house on fire with her other DILs, except me. So everyone thinks I'm the one with the problem. But am I? AIBU?

I've tried being nice. Waste of time.

Am now going to vent even more.

When we first got married she'd come on most of our holidays with us. She'd ensure my DH would be out with her on a Sun...I was invited but she knew I couldn't as I had to work that day. I'd often spend that day alone.

Then she turned extra weird after our LO was born. Basically forced me into BF. Wouldn't give LO some top up formula when I was taking a desperate nap. Then made constant digs. Comparing me to all the other new mums we knew. Showering them all with praise but has never once, in many years, had anything positive to say about me as a Mum.

Then she'll never see my LO and I on our day off. Mostly because I've moaned to my DH that she let's FIL smoke and drink to excess in house and she should encourage him to get help. She enables him. Then we had a massive row a few years ago. My late Dad was v ill and needed lots of help and my Mum was getting v ill also and only I could help them. So she told me we'd be leaving him in a care home 'to die' if we put him in one. I've never ever forgiven her. My is now terminally ill and she rarely asks how she is. When we said we may have to move in with her as she needs care her response 'that's a v bad idea as she's a very rude person'....i'd only just lost my Dad and we had a stand up row over it. Since then we barely speak unless we have to. We are civil but I find it difficult to be around her.

Then I worry she's turned family against us. My BILs rarely see us. They never remember my bday...I'll cook a meal at ours and hold dinner parties for them and don't even get a bday wish on my bday. Maybe I'm being silly. dh thinks so.

Final straw came when mil went on about sil who recently joined our family being so 'slim and beautiful' on her wedding day. Sure barely mentioned how I looked on my wedding day...though i am fat so i suppose she thinks I looked appalling and I probably did. I'm the only fat one in the family. Her and her mum love to go on about how my SILs are 'so nice and slim'.

She rarely offers to babysit or help with my Mum. I just feel she is selfish. I know this is not to be expected and indicative of my being high maintenance....but I haveno support network and feel I'm everyone else's

Now on Sun I have to go to BILs bday bash. Make food for it. I've gotten gifts etc. dh asked me too. I feel v upset. Don't want to go. None of Dh brothers and sils even sent me a card. And not 1st time. Fed up. They all dislike me. Never see me. Fed up. They're all team mil. I can't stand her.

I know I'm being childish here....but I've had enough.

OP posts:

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WiMoChi · 01/07/2016 16:19

Today 16:09 WiMoChi

Hi OP. I've inly read your first few posts. I'm pleased she encouraged you to continue breastfeeding. That's pretty awesome of her actually. But I still hate her.... Let me explain.

Let her see your DH when you're at work. And be thankful you get to skip seeing her! Why spend time with awful people who clearly try to avoid you??

Yore the only one who can see her adverse behaviour and your DH thjnks you're being over sensitive. Ok, maybe she can pick up that you can see her nasty ways and she probably continues in purpose. Your husbands attitude is a problem, huge problem. He's not taking your feelings seriously nor putting them first. He agreed to forsake all others when he married you, and that includes mummy dearest.

She came in all your holidays 🙄 Nightmare. But why agree to it? So you didn't look like a bitch? Well one of you will have to be pissed off. You or her. Why are you and your husband putting her happiness and needs before your own?? Because you and husband let that happen. She picks on you a bit over other DILs? You've no idea what tripe DH is feeding her. He's probably throwing you under a bus at every opportunity or moaning about you to her. Or maybe he isn't. But it's entirely possible??

She's never praised your mother skills. Why should she? Why are you seeking her approval? Stuff her and her shitty opinions. You're doing an awesome job as a mother. It doesn't matter what she thinks.

She said hurtful things about your family and doesn't help out. You host meals For her. Stop the info train. Stop telling her about your parents. Then she can't say hurtful things. And it's your mum and dad why should MIL help out? So she can see how ill they are and widen her abuse target to you? She doesn't have to help out. It's not her responsibility either. Stop cooking her meals and buying presents and making food. DROP THE ROPE! Drop it right now. It's DHs family. He can cook for them and buy them presents.

Calling other DILs slim is a very passive aggressive of her. Not nice. Ignore it. It's childish. Learn to love yourself.

Stop trying to please this woman. You won't ever please her. Whatever you do won't be good enough. And the only person who will suffer is you. Stop doing it all and live for yourself and your kids and people who care. Id also consider cou selling for you and DH. He needs to be on side. Cut the umbilical cord to mummy.