Hi everyone.
I've name-changed for this because...well, just because. I hope that's ok.
I'll try to keep this as short as possible. I slept with my ex just as we were breaking up. He'd been slowly torturing me for months and months, breaking up and reeling me back in, sleeping with another girl and lying about it (until I found out they'd been on holiday together!!), slowly grinding me down, etc.
A few weeks later I found out I'm pregnant. At first, the first 10 days or so, he was scared but supportive. We still live together (long story) and he was super sweet and looking after me.Told me we'll find a way, we'll do it together, of course I won't be a single mother. Then he completely flipped it on his head, sobbed and screamed and said I was ruining his life. Eventually I booked to have an abortion at 7.5 weeks, becasue I couldn't cope with the idea of that for the rest of my life, even though I desperately didn't want to have an abortion. A few days before he called me to say he didn't think I should do it, that he loves me, that we'll make it work, that he can't bear the idea of me having a family with someone else in the future. I said I'd think about it. Went to the clinic but couldn't go thruogh with it. When I told him I hadn't done it, he hit the roof, threw all sorts of abuse and insults at me, told me I'd done this on purpose, I'm a cold, calculating, manipulative bitch etc. We weren't in the same country for a couple of weeks but he said we needed to talk when I got back. That talk happened on Saturday. I said I'd made a decision to go ahead with the pregnancy (I'm now 11 weeks, and have had a scan and seen a little foetus wiggling around and heart beating away strongly). He cried, then shouted and swore at me, then left saying he was going to throw himself off a bridge, then came back and screamed at me some more. Grabbed a kitchen knife and locked himself in the bathroom and threatened to slit his throat (and flinched - ever so slightly - towards me when I said 'oh well why don't you just stab me in the stomach, it's clearly what you want' - which I said because I was hoping it would show him how ridiculous he was being).
Now it turns out that this other girl, with whom he's been telling me all along he's no longer seeing, has been waiting patiently for him to move out of our flat so they can be together, and he is devastated that he has to tell her about this (becasue obviously he's been stringing her along, and was sleeping with her as well, and she has no idea about any of this) and it's going to 'ruin his life' and make everyone hate him, etc. This all came out Saturday night and Sunday. So I told him Sunday fine, I'll have the abortion, because I can't cope any more and am starting to resent the baby. He came home Sunday night and told me I don't have to do anything I don't want to do, and told me all the things he loves about me, and all the things he couldn't bear to live without if I had an abortion and wasn't in his life anymore. And that it will all be ok. We had a lovely, calm evening until the OW phoned to have a go at him about something (because she clearly knows at this point that something is going on, given that he was supposed to move out last month and hasn't). He flipped again and has been giving me abuse ever since about how I don't care about him or his life or his future or anything.
Sorry, that was really long and rambly, but I haven't slept for days and I am a total mess. I still love him so I can't bear to see him hurting but at the same time, he's hurting because he's been so dishonest with everyone. My question is...firstly...has anyone ever been under this much pressure to have an abortion, and resisted it? Has anyone ever not had the abortion and then regretted not doing it? And does anyone have any experience dealing with a man like this, whom I suspect is something of a narcissist? How do I deal with it? I feel broken and defeated. He tells me he can't bear to see me upset so I don't have to have an abortion, and then when I don't, he punishes me for it. I am so desperate, I don't know what to do, and I am TERRIFIED that if I have the baby I will just resent it for being at the centre of how utterly unpleasant my life is right now.
Please help me :(
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Under pressure to have an abortion
49 replies
Underpressureandsad · 12/04/2016 09:32
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