To start with, I would say hubby & I do equal around the house, on his days off if i am working he looks after the kids, he does more than his fair share of nursery drop off / pick ups etc. We generally work well. We both have our faults (he is messy, I am crap cook - lucky for us I am tidy, he is a good cook.)
But when there is a change in dynamics in our household, in my eyes, he doesn't step up plus it takes him ages to get with the programme.
When DC1 was born, we really struggled to adjust to being parents. I had a awful labour, and was quite down for awhile after. But eventually I got my shit together. However hubby was still in ‘his world’ eg last minute announcement he was off to the gym / out for drinks with no real thought of who has DC1. where as if I went out I had to remind him several times that he needed to be home as I was going out. He eventually got it, after many chats.
Then when I went back to work, he struggled to do his share of house / childcare. Again it took him awhile to get on board, whereas I felt I had no option but to just get on with it.
Roll on 2.5 years later & we have got into a good pattern of shared diaries / lists/ childcare rostas etc & on the whole we are doing well. We both contribute to the running of the house, & we generally get the same leisure time.
However I am expecting again & have found him to be totally not in tune with the current change in status quo again. I have gone down with a cold with a temperature & feeling generally shit. He is on nights. He can't sleep when we are in so we went out to see some family yesterday I started to become unwell & my sister packed me off to bed & looked after DC1 (love my sister). when we came home I told hubby I was sick & he had to take over looking after DC1 as I was having a bath & off to bed. Fine he did it no problem, because I told him what I needed.
During the evening my temperature was getting higher, I started to become worried & wasn't sure what I could take / not take. Hubby was like “I don't know” & went off to work. I felt he could have rung the out of hours doctor or checked NHS website. In the end I did it & went back to sleep.
He comes in this morning & heads to bed. He could have offered to give DC1 his breakfast or ring a family member to see if they could help today. As it happened I have DC1 breakfast, tidied up the kitchen from his dinner last night & rang my mum around 9 and asked if she could have my little one for a few hours. It didn't occur to him to clear up after dinner.
When he was sick a few weeks ago I came home early from work to make sure there was 2 of us for dinner bath & bed as well doing the cooking. He slept for all he needed etc etc. I even asked his sister for help so he could have some daytime to himself.
But when I need his help & can't explicitly say what I need, he can't seem to see it.
We have just had a row about it as his view I need to tell him, my point is it would be nice if he offered.
All this makes me worry about DC2 arrival. I feel if I am not on form organising help etc I am going to struggle. I start to feel resentment towards him from DC1 arrival & when I returned to work.
I feel as my husband, he should be able to see this shit, but at least offer above his usual.
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Relationships
Hubby and his response to change in dynamics at home (or lack of it)
Mikethenight2good · 02/01/2016 14:01
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