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Child contact and LIES... Really need advice please

(57 Posts)
Homely1 Thu 05-Nov-15 18:16:53

I have posted before and I have had great advice, support and a lot of love. Ex is pursuing the legal route for contact. DC is a toddler. He's been absent and not bothered. I have received correspondence with pure lies ... Not slight deviations of the truth. LIES on paper. He is a manipulator but how low can a person stoop. He has accused me of things that have NOT happened. It is his word against mine. He is a master manipulator and I worry that people believe him. What do I do?

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Thu 05-Nov-15 18:17:45

Instruct a solicitor.

Homely1 Thu 05-Nov-15 18:23:15

They are involved already Milk

TheGirlFromIpanema Thu 05-Nov-15 18:25:53

Just keep doing what you are doing. You cannot reason with the unreasonable. He can't manipulate everyone involved in the legal process.

But I agree tis shit for you flowers

Lweji Thu 05-Nov-15 18:26:05

I assume you already have all communications with him in writing.
You don't say what type of lies they are, but I'd make sure that transfers are recorded, witnessed or through a third party.

What kind of correspondence is it? Has he actually filed to court, or is it just a solicitor's letter?

Homely1 Thu 05-Nov-15 18:37:03

Thank you. Correspondence is via solicitors. He is making out that I have withheld contact (not true), blames me for his absence abs has manipulated our separation claiming that he knew nothing of it ir I made the decision and left with DC with no input from him

kittybiscuits Thu 05-Nov-15 18:41:17

Watching with interest. I know how you feel.

Homely1 Thu 05-Nov-15 18:44:10

Really? I just am at a loss

Husbanddoestheironing Thu 05-Nov-15 18:46:08

If it helps, from what I understand it is unlikely to make any difference to the outcome of any contact order / custody thing whatever he says. Make sure you tell your solicitor the true story when he lies and accept it will probably be the usual eo weekend and one night in the week. It's just another piece of rubbish he is putting you through for revenge or whatever. Good luck flowers

Lweji Thu 05-Nov-15 18:52:51

I'd just ignore any correspondence that is not actually court related.

Stick to what you are prepared to accept for your DC and don't waste time or money on letters through solicitors.

You don't have to explain yourself to him, or his solicitors.

Lweji Thu 05-Nov-15 18:53:32

has manipulated our separation claiming that he knew nothing of it ir I made the decision and left with DC with no input from him

I did exactly that, btw.

There were good reasons for it and so far, different courts have not have had a problem with it.

goddessofsmallthings Thu 05-Nov-15 18:53:51

The backstory is needed before informed opinion can be given and it's shame you haven't posted on the earlier thread you've mentioned.

If he's pursuing the 'legal route' for contact he'll be required to attend a MIAM (mediation information and assessment meeting) and the case will only go to court if agreement can't be reached through mediation.

If what he says can be countered by the truth of the matter there's no reason for you have any concern, other than the fact that you most probably didn't know the man you married as well as you thought you did.

Homely1 Thu 05-Nov-15 19:02:54

The thing is, I did not do as he is claiming.

How do I post my old thread?

kittybiscuits Thu 05-Nov-15 19:04:41

Or perhaps, like my ex, he is a complete fantasist and it is as simple as you say - every word he says is fabricated and he lies with no qualms or hesitation. I have been laying low and only responding when essential, but the lies are escalating and I am considering a solicitor. It's crazy-making.

Lweji Thu 05-Nov-15 19:21:37

The thing is, I did not do as he is claiming.

Yes, but the thing is, it doesn't bloody matter. What if you had?

And quite frankly, you should have better to do than to respond to his letters. If you are convinced you did the right thing for yourself and your DC, let him go to court and present your case to the judge. Not to him and not to his solicitors.

Lweji Thu 05-Nov-15 19:22:33

If he continues to write such letters, even through a solicitor, I'd report it as harassment.
He is just continuing to abuse you.

Homely1 Thu 05-Nov-15 19:26:40

You're right

Homely1 Fri 06-Nov-15 07:03:35

It's his word against mind though abs he is such a manipulator..plus I do not know what else he will lie about.

Marilynsbigsister Fri 06-Nov-15 07:19:14

OP I have read all your other threads and I think you probably need to have a really honest discussion with your solicitor. According to your POV your ex left for a few months, but has now been seeing your DC consistently for several months, supervised by you. He wants unsupervised contact. There is no history of any abuse between your child and his dad. You will not permit unsupervised contact as you have an intense dislike of his family and they feel the same about you. you are pretty sure he will take your child to spend time with them if he gets unsupervised. You also believe your child is to young to have contact away from you. Is that a fair synopsis of the situation.

Marilynsbigsister Fri 06-Nov-15 07:20:32

blushoops that should read too young, not to young...

MyGastIsFlabbered Fri 06-Nov-15 07:55:08

I'm in the same boat, not lies about contact but lies about all sorts of things; he is claiming I just up & left one day and he's no idea why. Solicitors involved and it looks like it's all going to court as he refuses to negotiate (yet claims it's all me). So frustrating.

Homely1 Fri 06-Nov-15 08:24:15

Thank you so much. Marilyn, thank you. I'm ok for unsupervised contact- I said that we would build up to it- but feel DC is too young for overnight. He has been a terrible father.

MyGast- exactly the same. Apparently it's all me.

goddessofsmallthings Fri 06-Nov-15 09:29:03

How old is your dc? If your ex has been seeing his dc consistently for some months under your supervision, do you have specific reason(s) why he should not now be able to have unsupervised contact with his dc other than your fear that he will take dc to visit other members of his family?

Isetan Fri 06-Nov-15 09:50:22

Ignore his blah, blah because if he can't back it up, then that's all what it is.

Regarding contact, it appears that your only disagreement is that you want him to build up to unsupervised contact but how different would building up to unsupervised contact be from what's happening now and how long do you envisage 'building up' contact to take?

Have you asked your solicitor about the likelihood of the court awarding your Ex unsupervised contact because if it's likely, then it would be cheaper and less of a emotional headfuck if you could meet in the middle.

Lweji Fri 06-Nov-15 09:53:21

From previous threads, it looks like this man wasn't in contact for a long while, so was out of his DC life, then suddenly wanted contact, and has responded to offers of increased supervised contact to build up trust with the child with demands for overnight weekend stays, and at least one day every weekend.

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