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Relationships

Cheating husband

41 replies

Mary261078 · 25/10/2015 13:09

Hello mummies,
I am a first time mother of a gorgeous 17 months old boy and been with my husband for almost 10 years, which of whom 5 in marriage.
Throughout the years we had troubles but it was never something so big that we would break out the relationship. However, there was once in our first year of marriage that he was flirting with coworker and I caught him ( he forgot to log off his Facebook on the home computer) and confronted him. After long arguments he reassured me that nothing has happened between them it was just a silly flirt and to honest I do and did believe in that. After that our relationship got much stronger and we decided to start trying for a baby. However, after 3 years of trying nothing happens. We both had very stressful jobs and my husband worked London 14-16 hours days. After these 3 years of trying we decided to give up and if it happens great...and...it did. We were both over the moon. He was the best husband you can ask for. Always with me (we both quit our jobs in order to release the stress) carting what I'm eating, drinking all the time. When my little boy was born we had a bit of a difficulty so had to stay in hospital for 7 days. He stayed with us 25/7. He didn't shower, eat rubbish from the vending machine and slept on a arm chair the whole time. Once the baby was born, I know lots of you mummies can relate to this, I didn't think about anything else then my son. Been so caught up in the role of being a mummy, thriving to be the best as possible, that I forgot about him, my husband. Due to this we haven't been intimate for over a year, which I agree it's a long period. During all of this time he wasn't working, but when the time came for me to go back to work we decided that it may be a good thing for me. However I was missing my son so much that my husband said he will start looking for work so I can leave and stay at home with my son. All of this time he was brilliant, loving, caring. So few months ago he started a new job and things started to go down. He got back working the long days and having only one day off. I let him be in hope that once he gets established he'll sort his hours and spend time with us. The other day I was trying to move some photos from my phone onto the Mac and his I cloud account was logged in so I went through his photos, to find photos of two girls that he's working with. He stalked them and n FB and saved some sassy photos of them on his phone. The horrible thing is that one of them is a girlfriend of another coworker that works closely with my husband and the other one is only 18(my husbands 37). I went crazy, even writing this now makes my hand shake. I confronted him straight away on which at first instance he shouted back saying there's nothing happening, and then he admitted that he was sexually attracted to them and saved the photos...why? He doesn't know...but he realised straightaway that that's wrong and deleted them from his phone (I did find the pictures in deleted items). We argued for so long and he said that he wants to be with us and he thinks he needs counselling to help him out. I do love him and I agreed to the counselling but still can't forgive nor forget and asked him to leave his job on which he agreed. As he has to give 2 weeks notice I'm still taking him and picking him up from work every day and my hart tears apart. He said that he'll do everything to get us back to at least some similar relationship if he can't bring the real thing that we had back. We went for the initial assessment at the counsellor and now waiting for regular visit dates. In the mean time I am very angry and trying to get him to talk to me in order for both to understand why is this happening but he's so difficult to talk. Whenever I ask him something about these girls, he first gets upset and then he says it was just a stupidity and there was nothing there. I don't know what to do. I love him so much, but the main reason I want us together is because of my son-don't want him to grow up in split relationship.
I just don't understand how is he going to work now and spending the days with these girls. Is he still attracted to them? What's on his mind when he sees them there.
Since this happened, he communicates with me more often, phone calls, texts, pictures etc. But that still doesn't prove he's forgot that he was attracted to these girls.
I don't know...I'm so confused
Please help... I'll appreciate any honest advice.
Mx

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timelytess · 25/10/2015 13:23

First piece of honest advice - don't address people as 'mummies'. Thanks.

I'm not good at relationship advice but here goes.
People fancy each other. Even when they're married. Keeping photos of people you fancy, if you're married, is going too far.
Maybe he's sexually involved with these women, maybe not.
If he ever leaves your sight, there's a chance he'll be flirting with other people. The most unlikely people do it. I recently found out that someone I trusted completely has at least two extra-marital relationships going on.
You can't police people's thoughts.
You both seem to be quite blasé about leaving jobs.
Do you trust him? If he's telling the truth he hasn't done much wrong, so far. But how do you know he's telling the truth?

I don't know. It doesn't seem enough to leave him, yet I'm hesitant to say you're making too much of it.

No-one else has replied, I note.