Background - I have a 3 year old and newborn. Newborn has reflux, toddler is very active and together its full on. Dh has chronic back pain and it feels like a 3rd child with more emotional baggage. He does nothing in the house to help other than look after the finances and play with our toddler. I have a history of depression and anxiety and am feeling low.
Problem - I feel totally unsupported by dh who in my eyes is doing too little to help whilst Iam struggling physically and mentally day to day managing a home, 2 children and a dog. I have asked him to help where he can but I get the pain excuse, not much response or no response and doesn't do it anyway, or I get accused of nagging. He pays me so little attention and despite me bringing this up time and time again nothing has changed. I made a suggestion a while back that asking me if I needed anything whilst I was feeding the baby, like a cup of tea, would make me feel like he cared but he hasn't once taken me up on that. He lies in bed alot to rest, often gets up late so is home from work late and has phoned today to say he will be late home again as is going out with the guys from work for a meal even though I said I thought it would be better for him to come home.
I don't feel my needs are being met but as I am feeling low and my situation is tough with an unhappy refluxy baby I don't know how much of it is my mood rather than what I am blaming it on, his lack of support. A friend I confided in said he should "man up" and accept his responsibilities. I feel so emotionally insecure that anytime I question his behaviour he manages to turn it around to being my issue.
Iam scared that my children grow up to think it's ok for a relationship to be like this with Mummy running around after Daddy and lots of conflict. He sometimes totally ignores our toddler and when I asked him not to the other day he told me "anything you ask me to do Iam just going to do the opposite."
I don't really know my question here but does anyone have any thoughts, experience or advice?
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Relationships
unsupportive Husband?
tooneedyme · 31/07/2015 17:22
when I asked him not to the other day he told me "anything you ask me to do Iam just going to do the opposite."
How mature 
Has he been like this for a long time, or have things got worst since the youngest came along?
Are you on mat leave are are you SAHM? Is it possible to get your 3rd old into nursery for some hours every week just to give you some breathing space, which might help you sort your head out on what you want here - whether to make a go of the marriage or to cut your losses and walk away.
If you are feeling depressed and anxious go and see your doctor. I wouldn't suffer in silence. Do you live near family. I am on baby no 4 if it weren't for my oldest daughter's I would have probably crumbled. Don't worry about what you can't do if it piles up so what. If he wants it clean he will clean it himself becaause he will see that you are struggling. He doesn't want to go to work smelly now does he
He sometimes totally ignores our toddler and when I asked him not to the other day he told me "anything you ask me to do Iam just going to do the opposite."
Doesn't this pretty much tell you everything you need to know?
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