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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

a second date or not? (a bit WWYD)

29 replies

discophile · 22/04/2015 09:35

Had a first date with a man last week. Just loads and loads and loads in common. Didn't fancy him at all though. Should I see him again and see what happens; have a second date and find out if I feel a bit differently as time goes on. He is not sexy (to me). I want sexy. But sometimes things burn slower at first. What shall I do?

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BunnyLebowski · 22/04/2015 09:38

I wouldn't.

There would have to be some level of sexual attraction for me to go on a second date. It's too important.

LoisPuddingLane · 22/04/2015 09:39

Whereas I would say see him one more time. Sometimes you don't (well, I don't) know I fancy someone until we kiss.

Of course, if he is really not fanciable at all, don't bother.

discophile · 22/04/2015 09:46

Have to decide today so I can use my free time at the weekend. Ah!!!

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MadamG · 22/04/2015 09:48

My rule on Internet dateing was to always go on a second date unless something was badly wrong. It wasn't until the 3rd date with my now DH that I realised how much I fancied him. Do it :)

discophile · 22/04/2015 09:49

When we had coffee together I saw the chocolate on his mouth (from his cappuccino) and just couldn't imagine kissing that mouth. He failed the cappuccino test I suppose. On the other hand, I could do with a few more male friends.

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Joysmum · 22/04/2015 09:50

Well, I never found my best friend of 5 years at all sexy until he made a move.

We've been together 22 years and lets just say its good

discophile · 22/04/2015 09:52

Thank you Joy, that kind of thought is in the back of my mind.

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discophile · 22/04/2015 09:52

And MadamG. I'm thinking "yes" to a second date now.

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niceupthedance · 22/04/2015 09:54

I always think second dates are more revealing... I've had lots of second dates where I came away thinking FUCK NO. But at least then you know for sure.

shirleybasseyslovechild · 22/04/2015 09:55

I have read a theory you should give at least three dates a try before deciding !

TheOriginalWinkly · 22/04/2015 09:57

I worked with DH for ages and didn't fancy him in the slightest until he kissed me. Mmmmm yum Sure what have you got to lose?

Metalhead · 22/04/2015 10:01

The first time I met my DH I thought "he's lovely, shame he's not my type at all". Been together nearly 10 years now, so I'd say give him another chance!

MadamG · 22/04/2015 10:03

shirley that was the theory prescribed by my mates. Don't even think of making a decision or judgement until the third date. Unless your date is a psycho serial killer when the third date won't happen for other reasons.

disco when might this date happen? I'd like an update and an invite to any subsequent wedding.

rockybalboa · 22/04/2015 10:06

Oh I would! I met my DH through Internet dating and our first date felt quite flat because we were complete strangers. We did have loads of stuff in common and got on well but I didn't have a burning flash of 'oh he's gorgeous'. I was quite take it or leave it but decided to go for a second date and it was TOTALLY different. He is gorgeous and I just didn't see it initially due to sheer nerves. We had an absolute blast on our second date and have been happily married for nearly 8 years now and have three kids. I'd definitely give it a whirl, nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Hmmm2014 · 22/04/2015 10:13

I didn't fancy my DP either at first although we talked and talked and got on extremely well. We saw eachother as friends for a while (although that was my choice, he wanted more but never pushed it), and then one night we were out with a load of other people and I thought "wow, I don't want anyone else to have you, you're too special". It went from there. Been going strong ever since.

loveareadingthanks · 22/04/2015 10:23

There's a difference between 'not really getting my engine revving' and 'yuk, couldn't shag you if you were the last man on earth'.

1st , give it another date if all else is good. 2nd, don't bother.

Justyouwaitandsee · 22/04/2015 10:37

Im another online dater who almost didn't date a particular guy as I didn't find him attractive. But in the last of 4 photos there was a slight hint of a cheeky smile which I thought could be quite cute. Turned out he was really nervous, and we had both been through tough times immediately before we met. I knew by the end of the first date I liked him, but it took quite a few weeks before he really opened up, and revealed his truly hilarious (at least to me) sense of humour. The change was so noticeable even his family thanked me for 'bringing him back'. Not saying you want a rescue mission or to change him, but just a reminder that some people take a little more time to relax and show their true selves. If you have lots in common, could the second date focus more on something which you both enjoy doing rather than the more formal meeting over coffee?

Justyouwaitandsee · 22/04/2015 10:38

Oops - that was long! He is also now my DH.

BoredAdminGirl · 22/04/2015 10:45

ALWAYS go on a second date haha (unless you have major reasons not to).

On my first date with current DP I was completely unsure but on the second, wow. Something changed and we have been together for 2 years now.

Nerves can often hide peoples awesome sense of humour and charm

ladyrosy · 22/04/2015 10:47

I worked with my DP for 5 years. NNothing happened. We even spent a year on desks next to each other.

After I left, we started emailing and the more I found out about him, the more I like him.

3.5 years later, I am so happy being with him. He is an amazing person.

Immediate lusty attraction is great, but falling in love with someone's heart can take more than one date. If he is interesting and seems decent, a second date is worth your time.

Good luck!

MadamG · 22/04/2015 11:11

Me again. I saw this and thought if you.... joannagoddard.blogspot.co.uk/2015/04/12-relationship-tips-from-weddings.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed:+blogspot/bboSV+(A+CUP+OF+JO)&m=1

discophile · 22/04/2015 11:46

Second date it is then. Probably Saturday. Will report back. Thanks!

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0x530x610x750x630x79 · 22/04/2015 11:58

if we only dated people we found sexy straight away, all the goods friends who get together would be doomed.

Momagain1 · 22/04/2015 12:03

Have to decide today so I can use my free time at the weekend. Ah!!!

So, if you dont go on a second date this weekend, that's the end of it, ever?

How silly. Real relationships dont have such rules. If you want to make other plans than going out on a date with him this weekend, then do so. The question of a second date only comes into it if you want to go on a date rather than do your own thing.

Casimir · 22/04/2015 12:14

Seriously? chocolate on a cappuccino! Why was he drinking your coffee? bin.

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