Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

1 2

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Should I be sympathetic to his situation or should I tell him to get lost?

42 replies

WildFlowerWoman · 19/04/2015 21:56

I am in the process of getting divorced (long story but my husband was a bastard and I've got no sympathy for him).

I had an 8 month affair with a guy I work with who is divorced. We've worked together for three years and have always got on very well. The affair began as an emotional affair and only got physical in the last couple of months. We were intimate on a few occasions but he always had trouble maintaining an erection so we never actually had sexual intercourse. The last time we tried and failed he broke down in tears and told me he had been suffering with ED for years and didn't know what the problem was. He said he felt guilty that he couldn't give me what I wanted and that it would be better for both of us if we ended it. I tried to tell him that I was happy that he could please me in other ways but he wouldn't hear any of it. And that is where it ended or so I thought...

I was very upset that the affair had ended but tried to hold my head up high and carry on my daily duties as normal. He, however, took it quite badly and had to take time off work due to stress. This all happened a couple of months ago. He has since made a full recovery and has started flirting with me again and I don't know what to do about it. I know it's only a matter of time before he asks me out again so I need to prepare myself.

As much as I really like him I'm worried that if I take him back the same thing will happen again. I don't mind not having sexual intercourse but I'm not sure if I can live with the fact that he ended the relationship just because he's suffering with ED. Why did he feel he had to end it? As much as I feel sorry for him he hurt my feelings badly! I hope that doesn't sound unsympathetic but that's how I feel.

I really miss him and want him back but I'm worried that he will hurt my feelings again. What shall I do?

OP posts:

Report

pocketsaviour · 19/04/2015 22:02

I've got deja vu. Have you posted about this before?

I would just tell him you've moved on and so should he. Life's too short.

AnyFucker · 19/04/2015 22:06

God Almighty

Didn't you learn a lesson last time ?

at least let the ink dry on your divorce papers before you start yet another dysfunctional relationship

sheesh

WildFlowerWoman · 19/04/2015 22:09

I posted about it recently because he got pissed off when he found out I was meeting another guy after work.

Part of me wants to tell him I've moved on and part of me wants to see him again. I really like him.

OP posts:

pocketsaviour · 19/04/2015 22:11

he got pissed off when he found out I was meeting another guy after work.

Wow, he can fuck right off then. Cheeky twat. That is super unattractive. What he thinks you owe him something because he got cock wilt with you? Fuck that noise.

Bluestocking · 19/04/2015 22:14

I've looked at your other thread. He's your boss, isn't he? You need to keep your distance from him, allowing him to wave his limp dick around you again can't possibly end well.

WildFlowerWoman · 19/04/2015 22:16

Why do you think I should tell him to fuck off?

He's never been nasty to me.

OP posts:

WildFlowerWoman · 19/04/2015 22:17

Yes, he's my boss.

OP posts:

LaurieFairyCake · 19/04/2015 22:18

Well dumping you and then trying to lead you on again is hardly lovely, us it?

AnyFucker · 19/04/2015 22:18

he might not have been "nasty" but do you think this is a healthy situation all round ?

he is no good for you, so yes, you tell him to (metaphorically of you wish) to fuck off

WildFlowerWoman · 19/04/2015 22:20

He's really very kind to me. I wish I didn't like him so much.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 19/04/2015 22:21

there are other men in the world that will be kind to you

Bluestocking · 19/04/2015 22:21

Kind to you? He got pissed off with you when you met someone else after work. That's not kind.

LaurieFairyCake · 19/04/2015 22:22

Dumping you is not remotely kind.

Unless you have zero self esteem.

Seriously, you must be able to do better.

AnyFucker · 19/04/2015 22:23

employers that fuck employees who are in vulnerable circumstances are not "kind" they are abusing their privileged position

forget the willy droop...this guy is bad news

you are not listening though, I think

Piratespoo · 19/04/2015 22:23

Have you heard the saying about don't shit on your own doorstep? Dating your boss NEVER turns out well....

Rivercam · 19/04/2015 22:24

I think that if it didn't work first time, it won't work again, especially as you were supportive to him. Reading your post, I thought it was a little bizarre that he was flirting again, especially as he suffered from stress after it ended the first time. Him being your boss puts you in an awkward position also.

WildFlowerWoman · 19/04/2015 22:26

He only dumped me because he was humiliated because he couldn't get an erection. He then had to take time off work due to stress so I feel I should have some sympathy for him.

OP posts:

Bluestocking · 19/04/2015 22:30

He had to take time off work with stress because HE COULDN'T MAINTAIN AN ERECTION? That is pathetic. Seriously, he sounds like bad news on so many fronts. But you aren't listening, are you?

PeppermintPasty · 19/04/2015 22:33

Is this the man in the car who continually couldn't er, get it up? I didn't realise he was your boss as well. I'd give up and find one better at everything, although embarrassed apols if I've got the wrong thread...

Rivercam · 19/04/2015 22:35

Having sympathy for someone is not the same as dating them?

Was the stress caused by the break-up/ed, or due to work? If it was due to the relationship, then it's a huge red flag.

He is probably flattering your ego, especially after your marriage break-up, but don't have a rebound relationsip.

There are plenty of (kind) fish in the sea.

WildFlowerWoman · 19/04/2015 22:37

I don't think the ED was the only reason he took time off work. I think he had other problems as well.

I am listening by the way, I just don't like what I'm hearing!

OP posts:

springydaffs · 20/04/2015 00:06

Erm. Well, you want to go back with him so I can't see you not going back tbh..

But just bear in mind you won't know when the next bomb is going to go off and you're on your arse again.

Because/he's high drama isn't he? By the sound of it - and I may be wrong - his ego comes FIRST. So if you can allow for that, always and ever, then go ahead and get back with him.

Btw flirting with you, not addressing the fact he's previously really hurt you, is way off imo. He sounds too much like hard work tbh.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

TendonQueen · 20/04/2015 00:16

The dumping you, the ED and his handling of it, and the fact he's your boss are three strikes against him. Look for someone else who it'll be easier to have a relationship with. There are plenty of nice guys out there. You just have to have your eyes open and not be hung up on someone else.

Tubbytimmy · 20/04/2015 00:20

Is he still married?

SunnyBaudelaire · 20/04/2015 00:30

he couldnt get his willy up so he dumped you and went on the sick from work?
ffs surely you would be better off single for while?

Flip

1 2

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.