Almost 30 and no friends :(

[skittles03]

ok so a little background first. I've always been the sensible one. Never the prettiest, always the boring one in a group. I met my chap when I was 15 and we are still together now. He too is far from a social butterfly and has no desire to be. But this is untrue for me.
So I don't have many friendships from school. One of two that live near by that I exchange texts with on occasion. Same applies to one or two girls I met at uni. They live a good hours drive away though. I have two friends I have known for years but like me, they have good jobs and kids and relationships so finding time to meet is hard. My chap also has never met their boyfriends, and from what I hear, they wouldn't share any similar interests either so the idea of us doing something in couples seems unlikely. I recently ended a friendship with a couple that we used to see frequently because I was sick of being spoken to like crap and back stabbed. I think I only let it go on for so long because when it did work, it worked well. And I probably feared being in the situation I'm in now. I have tried to make time for one or two of my friends to try and strike up an even better friendship but we don't have anything to talk about as I don't know any of their friends, and there's only so many times you can meet up to talk about work and kids etc. In fact there were a few awkward silences. I'm feeling quite low at the moment and a perfect example is that writing it on here to a load of people I've never met rather than text or ring someone on my phone. If I did, they would seriously wonder why I was telling them! Last night myself and my partner actually went to my mums for a drink. How sad is that? Combined with the fact that most of the call logs in my phone are to and from my mum. Truth is, one of my friends (who I said I was trying to get more friendly with) said we should do something for my 30th. She had all these great ideas and asked me who I would invite. I didn't reply because the only reply I would be able to give would be "you and maybe my mum".
I miss having a best friend. Someone to ring when I've had a bad day. Someone to send birthday cards to. Someone to cosy up with on a Saturday night and share a bottle of wine. I just wanted to see really if anyone else is in a similar situation. Is it normal? Any ideas on how to make it better or should I just come to accept it? Sat here on my own now just thinking about life and I just feel overwhelmed with sadness for some reason.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

I can sympathise. Life does have a habit of separating you from friends and, if you don't have many to start with and you dont regularly cultivate new ones, you can end up feeling isolated. I'm lucky. Because I don't have a partner, I am quite motivated to make an effort to be sociable and am always up for meeting new people. Don't hit it off with all of them...

[thisisnow]

I'm in a similar position that my OH doesn't mind not having many friends. So I go out on my own and try and meet people that way. I have gone to meetup groups but to be honest I haven't made much effort so far so it's my own fault!

[TheMumatron]

It's funny how many of us are in similar situations...I have just responded to another thread regarding feeling lonely/no friends.

Do you have interests/hobbies that you could join? I genuinely think lots of people feel the same and you just need to get out there and hopefully you'll meet people that way. It's hard though, I know.

[DaftSkunk]

I just started a similar thread! There must be something in the air today as there are a few people feeling similar.

[Mandatorymongoose]

I'm a similar age, I probably have one friend but then I know I'm a rubbish friend so I guess that's why.
I struggle with my MH and finding the energy to get through the day and manage work and family is really really tough on me and I just don't have much time to put into building new relationships with people.
It does make me sad though, I wish I had someone to have an occasional drink with and complain about the world or to laugh at stupid stuff with. DH is great for that of course but it's not the same.

[RhinestoneCowgirl]

I think that this time of year can feel especially lonely, winter seems to be dragging on.

I felt intensely lonely after I had my first child, as I went from working in a office (where I had a ready-made group of people to talk to, even if they weren't bosom buddies) to being alone with a newborn all day. None of my existing friends had children at the time, and so were at work.

I had to work really hard to get out and meet people. As Cogito says, you don't always hit it off with everyone, so you might need to try lots of things.

Nearly 10 years on I now feel lucky to have a wide circle of people I get on with plus a couple of really close friends.

Some stuff I have done to make friends: book group, craft group, joined Women's Institute (yes really), getting involved in volunteering in my community.

I hope things get better for you soon

[Vivacia]

You've got to get out there and make an effort. As Rhinestone says, try volunteering, Meet Up, a choir, evening class, The Ramblers etc. And just going isn't enough - make it an aim to swap numbers or email with at least one other person each time.

Also, don't resent your partner for not feeling the same. (Not saying you do, just beware of it).

[Guiltypleasures001]

Hi can I join in with the billy no mates club please.

I cried over the exact same thing whilst ironing shirts this afternoon, my job is very deep thinking insular and lonely if I'm honest. I crave light hearted and giggly, blimey can't believe it really said that.

I seem to have lost the ability to listen up, I just want to gossip and drink Bacardi and coke In a comfy booth with Some like minded birds.

I love my dh and my ds but outside of them are only my parents
Wish ide never moved now. Passes self a grip

[Guiltypleasures001]

Lighten not listen ffs

[lillybee1]

We should get together!!!

[lillybee1]

All of us I mean...

[Guiltypleasures001]

Well I'm in Cambs

[EEEEEEEeeeeeeeee]

//www.meetup.com

[DirtyDancing]

Oh wow. I am having the exact same feeling of loneliness at the moment. I feel in complete limbo- I've had a baby and am married and none of my close friends are so we have just drifted. They never call me, or want to meet up anymore. Then I can't seem to make new friends. I thought I would make new mum friends but I havent really bonded with anyone. And my NCT friends often do things together without me.

I don't know what it is about me that people don't like. I am positive, bubbly and very loyal. But I don't seem to be interesting to people or someone people want to be friends with.

Anyway I feel the same. And in a way am glad others know what it is like. It's very lonely and isolating xxxx

[DirtyDancing]

I do actually go to a choir, but 2 terms in I havent suddenly got any new friends! I just go to choir, make small talk and come home!

[monkina]

Awww, you sound lovely OP. I'd love to share a bottle of wine with you & put the world to rights!

I'm in a bit of a similar situation, I'm an introvert, so very happy with my own company, but would love to have a special best friend to share things with.

Like you, I have special friends from uni, but we all live opposite ends of the country, and there is no one that I've really bonded with here in South Wales, despite Bering here for 10 years now.

I have kids, and work, so have some pals, but no one I could call a bestie. Its lonely sometimes isn't it? ?

[Lilmissconcerned]

If it makes you feel any better It could have been me that wrote that post, except I've become sort of isolated by my friends as I don't have children.

They often meet up without me for coffee and cake during the day etc. (maternity leave and I work full time) I don't think its meaness just that my life doesn't fit theirs the same so I only get invited to the odd tea out, which then doesn't help as they all been meeting up over the week with the kids play dates in common to chat about... I love to hear their baby stories/ nursery etc I just think cause I can't relate or have a baby for a park date I get missed out through them thinking I'd not be interested (despite me saying otherwise) xxx

Ok not wanting to make this thread about me... In a funny way I feel comforted that there are a few of us out there feeling the same and felt I really had to raise my hand for the Billy no mates aka mums my best mate club xx

[ScrambledEggAndToast]

Yup, I'm a Billy no mates too. Got one mate that lives locally, got another that lives about an hour away and I see about three times a year and two more who live about 1.5 hours away who I see about once a year. That's it. The three who live further away, I speak to every week so that's something I suppose but I would like to have more local friends.

I started to get to know another woman locally but she's an odd one. I suspect she's a bit of a user and only contacts me when it suits her because whenever I suggest something she ignores it. Think I will ignore her next text!

[ScrambledEggAndToast]

I'm in Bristol btw

[Guiltypleasures001]

Oh I get the needy nutters my job makes me a magnet for em to be honest, and I think I've forgotten how to lighten up and have a normal conversation. I dream of a cigarette and a decent bottle of either sparkling procesco sp or Bacardi . I gave up fags 7 yrs ago and one drink gives me flushes lol , when did I get so boring ffs

[Guiltypleasures001]

Sorry waves hi

[sourpotato]

My social life is frankly embarrassing for someone in their mid-twenties - I've lost touch with all my old school friends and failed to make any new ones. I have 2 young children and I find they monopolise all my time and social energy to the point that forging close bonds with people seems basically impossible. I'd LOVE to have a ready-made best-friend just plonked in front of me!

I'm hoping it will change as the dc get older - I plan on getting a job when the youngest is in school, so that may help...

And I'm also in cambs!

[sunseeker2015]

Billy no mates here aswell

Moved here ten years ago, tried desperately to make friends, meet ups, clubs etc, failed miserably.

Have a loving partner and two gorgeous children but would love a friend.

I am a massive introvert so I can get by on my own mostly.

Have just collected DD2 from school and the playground can feel like the loneliest place in the world , groups everywhere and me on my own.

I lack confidence when I talk to people and I think it stems from high school when a girl told me she did not want to have a conversation with me and sneered.

I'm in the West Mids if anyone want to chat.

[Guiltypleasures001]

Hi Sour I'm in near Chatteris, I can be introverted too possibly only child syndrome also feel old now. Doesn't help being top end of 40's tall and a huge fat bird to boot.

In my mind I'm still hall monitor in my local comprehensive in the fifth year smoking in the girls loos. Feck what a sad cow I sound like lol

[Moniker1]

I'm hopeless at making friends. But to be honest I'm not that great a friend, my neighbor talks ten to the dozen but also remembers what you said to her the last time you met. So when we meet she will ask after whatever I talked about last time, or remember my birthday or whatever.
Whereas I've forgotten what she told me last time, unless it's something special.
So my advice is, if you are like me, make notes about chats with people, and make a note of people's names if you attend something. Then you can strike up the conversation next time. They will be so flattered you remembered them.