Hi
I've been with my oh for almost 2 years, we've lived together for 12 months, and most of the time everything is good.
If I'm ever upset about something though, or want to discuss something he doesn't want to, it usually results in a big argument, me apologising to diffuse things, then him ignoring me until he's 'gotten over' it.
Tonight is an example of this...he asked if he can borrow £150 for his kickboxing. I have no real issue with this, other than I've already paid for our holiday plus spent a fortune a few weeks ago on going to his friend's wedding, and whilst I generally don't care, I don't see it as 'my money', I am starting to feel a bit taken for granted, as there wasn't even a thank you.
I tried to explain this to him, to which his response was 'you always think you're so much better than me, what do you do that makes you so wonderful?!' I (& this is where I may be wrong) pointed out that I do all of the cooking, make him lunch every day for work, laundry, shopping, cleaning, bring him a cup of tea in bed every morning, none of which I mind doing, in fact I like doing for him, even though I work longer hours further from home, bring him presents (the most recent being a watch he'd wanted on the morning of his friend's wedding), I mostly take the initiative in the bedroom because he prefers that, I think I'm reasonably good to him...but apparently none of this counts and he'd rather I didn't bother than use it against him. I explained I wasn't, and I didn't want to get into an argument, but inside I do feel like this is taking the pee a bit. We went to bed and I said it didn't matter, I don't want to fight, but he was just wound up and said I'm always whinging, he's sick of it, and I should just shut up and leave him alone. He's now asleep, and I'm awake and upset, wondering if I caused this or if he is unreasonable??
I have wondered before if he's emotionally abusive, he gets pissed off if I get upset about anything, I wind up apologising, which he usually throws in my face saying that 'sorry' is meaningless and if I was really sorry I wouldn't keep whinging, and I then have to wait for him to snap out of it.
I know I can go on about things sometimes, but on the whole I think he gets away with murder, and it's just always at the back of my mind that maybe I deserve better.
Sorry for the long rant, just needed to say it and not just be told to shut up! (Although please do say if you think it us me)
I love him, and when we're happy it's good. He can just be so hot and cold. It's made worse by the fact that before we got together properly he was lovely all of the time, never saw this side of him, but he blames me, says that I cause this.
Is this my fault?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Is it me?
BlueGirl1982 · 19/08/2014 23:56
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