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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Relationships

Love is in the air....please tell me your view

29 replies

Hormonalhell · 16/04/2014 21:03

Well I think I'm in love. Met a guy online after almost two years online dating and many many dates later. He just ticks all my boxes and I just feel like he's the other half of me.

How would you define your love for your OH?

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MrsBennetsEldest · 16/04/2014 21:05

Worthless.:(

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Hormonalhell · 16/04/2014 21:06

Really MrsBennett? How long you been married?

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ButtonEggnoramus · 16/04/2014 21:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hormonalhell · 16/04/2014 21:13

That's it Button, it's the knowing without being told the other person feels the same way as you do...magical and hard to find

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MrsBennetsEldest · 16/04/2014 21:14

22 years. You think you know someone but you never really do. You only know what someone wants you to know.

I will never have another relationship. I will never love in that way again.

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Hormonalhell · 16/04/2014 21:17

How sad for you MrsBennett

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MrsBennetsEldest · 16/04/2014 21:22

Why the sceptical face? You didn't say you only wanted hearts and flowers responses.

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Hormonalhell · 16/04/2014 21:23

It's my sad face. Yes that's true I didn't

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HillyHolbrook · 16/04/2014 21:27

I'm so comfortable around DP and really content to just sit around with him and chat and do nothing. I'm still crazy about him though and still get giddy to go on dates and my heart flutters at the sight of him when he comes in from work, he's very lovely. We are still romantic and giggly and act like teenagers, our relationship hasn't changed since we met at 15, other than getting stronger and stronger.

I think the best thing about us is that we are, and always have been, a team. Nobody expects anything from the other and we are both grateful for the little things we do for each other, like if I've had an awful day at work, I'll come home to my favourite dinner and a glass of wine, and I do similar for him. We just work, the house is always tidy and runs smoothly because someone's always doing the little things that get forgotten if the responsibility is left to one person in the household.

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Snapespeare · 16/04/2014 21:32

How long have you been seeing this chap? :)

I did a couple of years of online dating then met my bloke. There wasn't necessarily a butterfly-stomach lurch on the first date, I just thought he was a very lovely man and I'd really enjoyed his company and that he was verrrrry handsome. I didn't expect to see him again, because I'd had two years or so of internet dating hell... But we kept in contact for a few dates, then I asked him on the second date.

I thought I was in love with him after about 6 weeks. I didn't say anything. After about 6 months or so, he told me he loved me. I said the same. We're about 15 months in now. It's grand.

mrsB I'm so sorry. My DCs dad left after about 8 years when we had three children under 5. That was devastating enough. I can't imagine 22 years. How awful.

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Snapespeare · 16/04/2014 21:33

*few days...

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HillyHolbrook · 16/04/2014 21:40

Snapespeare 7 years

We met because we got the same school bus home and would sit together every day as we got off at the same stop. He was the year above so we didn't see much of each other but we would chat as we sat together. Then I broke up with my first serious boyfriend and he heard about it through mutual friends so offered to come ride bikes with me or something to take my mind off it. We spent the whole day together getting to know each other properly and two days later he asked me to be his girlfriend.

Everyone was convinced he was a rebound for me and that it wouldn't last because it seemed like we didn't even know each other, but we showed them. After a few months we were declared 'best couple ever' by our friends

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HillyHolbrook · 16/04/2014 21:41

Oh that wasn't for me, sorry! I thought you were OP for a second

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MrsBennetsEldest · 16/04/2014 21:51

Thank you Snapes, he didn't leave as such, I made him go. If I hadn't joined Mumsnet I would have believed him( again), but I found something within myself called self respect, thank you Mumsnet.

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Snapespeare · 16/04/2014 22:04

mrsB. MN is amazing for support, isn't it. freedom is scary sometimes but its still freedom.

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Hormonalhell · 17/04/2014 08:46

Awwww Lemony and Snapespeare what lovely stories.

It's very early days for us but like you Lemony I feel like we are a team, we just bounce off each other and our feelings for each other are EXACTLY the same, their is no mind games or second guessing. He only split from his wife in January though and she hurt him very badly and so he very cautious but he's admitted he falling for me last night so I'm floating in the clouds this morning.

Like you Snapespeare just seems like it was worth all the crappy dates I had

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itwillgetbettersoon · 17/04/2014 10:40

Hormon be very careful. January wasn't that long ago to have left his marriage only 14 weeks approx. I would also be wary about the fact his wife hurt him badly. What did she do? Just take your time there is no rush. I'm two years out if a marriage and am in no rush to have a relationship. Boyfriends yes but not serious.

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Poppet77 · 17/04/2014 16:24

I agree with itwillgetbettersoon. I am very happy for you that you have found someone lovely but his previous relationship is bound to be very raw still if it was only January. From experience, just take it slowly and do not invest to much to soon and I then I am sure it will work out. Best of luck.

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MerryMarigold · 17/04/2014 16:30

I fancied dh as soon as I saw him and heard his laugh. Was that love? I dunno... 3 kids and 10 years on, we've been through some very tough times, but stuck it out. We've been really horrible to each other at times, but we're still here, and getting better again. He didn't leave, he didn't have an affair, and neither did I. That's love, I think. To both want to work things out all the time, and to improve, and to connect emotionally and physically.

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JaceyBee · 17/04/2014 16:49

Hmm, I don't wanna piss on your chips OP but I really don't think it's a good idea to get too serious about someone who's marriage has only just ended. When people leave a long term relationship/marriage they are often very raw and craving an intimate connection to replace the one they have lost. This can create an accelerated sense of closeness and they often feel they're falling in 'love' very quickly but it's not actually based on anything genuine, and rarely lasts.

I would have fun with him but not get too emotionally involved, this has rebound written all over it.

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Hormonalhell · 17/04/2014 17:23

Yes I do agree it is very early days for him. I'm very wary of whether it will work out but we very happy at moment.

They were together 15 years and she left him for her gym instructor (was going on few months before he found out) she's tried to get back with him but he said that part of his love for her died the day she admitted she was having an affair.

He just not a player type and has admitted he wants to be in a relationship again. Yes it could be rebound but it's worth the risk I think.

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Poppet77 · 17/04/2014 17:37

So long as you have your eyes wide open to this and just go at a really slow pace, to give both him and you time to see how well he is over his ex partner. 15 years is an incredibly long time so is likely to take him quite a while to recover. Is he actually divorced yet?

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Lweji · 17/04/2014 17:44

Sorry, but have to agree with others. Thread very carefully.
It may end up being the man of your life, but you can also end up very hurt.
This intense this fast can be a red flag.

Wishing you all the best, but take care.

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EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 17/04/2014 17:48

Can you say rebound?
Be caaaaareful with your feelings. He may be looking to recreate what he had and when he starts to get over his ex he might end up over you too. He can say his love died but that's not really how it works.
And you are a complete person, you aren't missing a half!

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Snapespeare · 17/04/2014 18:06

Please be careful OP, take your time. If it's all good then you have years to fall in love and do all the lovely things you've planned. There isn't a rush.

I think sometimes having so many bad dates gives you some form of Stockholm syndrome, when you meet someone half decent...and you end up clinging to a life raft of a relationship because you're bored with being single and you've been through the dating mill... and this can sometimes blind us to what might under other circumstances be red flags.

Love is a wonderful thing and so is the ability to trust after disastrous relations and to nurture a little flame of hope that everything will be alright. I'm not saying it won't, but please be cautious...& I do all wish you the best.