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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Does anybody know the practicalities of this?

29 replies

Loveyouthree · 09/02/2014 16:54

"D"P and I live together in a rented house, both on tenancy agreement. When we moved in it was for tenants in employment only... I'm a SAHM, so had to have a guarantor (my dad, who doesn't speak to me anymore. Doubt he'd do it again!).

So what are my options? I need to leave DP. Don't know how cos I'm the weakest person that ever existed but at least im trying to make a plan. This house is PERFECT for the kids, but I understand I may have to move. Would I get thrown out if dp left? As he is the employed one?

But if I had to move, how the hell would I be accepted for a house on benefits with guarantor?

I'm going to have to stay with him because of the above, even though he's done some pretty unforgivable things. I'm angry that he gets away with it all the time.

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Report

NettleTea · 09/02/2014 16:58

some councils do a guarantee scheme where they guarantee the deposit for people in a situation like yours, or for people with no savings. It doesnt seem likely that, given the difficulties with LL that he may be happy if you stayed, but always worth asking the estate agent. Guess alot depends upon how long you have been there and how reliable they find you.

Loveyouthree · 09/02/2014 16:59

Without a guarantor I meant!

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Joysmum · 09/02/2014 16:59

I'm afraid to say that I don't know that many private LL's would take the risk. Most want as many adults in the tenancy agreement as possible, and/or appropriate guarantors.

I hope somebody in the know about how to best proceed will be along soon to help, just wished I could have.

Good luck.

Loveyouthree · 09/02/2014 17:00

I don't know how difficult the landlady is tbh. We've been here 8 months, and whereas I was amazing at paying rent when I lived alone - standing order, never late etc... DP has been shit. He's forgotten to pay it on time a few times etc.

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Roshbegosh · 09/02/2014 17:01

I doubt you would get thrown out as long as you pay the rent. The landlord could give notice any time though. Could you get a job? You need to think about being independent. Then you could stay, not be totally reliant on him for rent and if you move you would be more likely to be accepted as a tenant.

Loveyouthree · 09/02/2014 17:02

Thanks. I can't believe I have to stay with him. I hate him.

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Loveyouthree · 09/02/2014 17:04

No point getting a job really as children are 5, 2 and 1 so I wouldn't be able to afford the childcare. That is a good plan, but there's no way I'll be able to stay here any longer than a week without giving in and making up with him. I'm too pathetic not to. Can't stand atmosphere. This weekend is killing me.

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FanFuckingTastic · 09/02/2014 17:04

I think I'd contact them to find out whether they would accept you if you left your partner and were on benefits for a while, since you have a guarantor. They might be okay with it, or they might not.

chateauferret · 09/02/2014 17:14

Is he a twat?

If he's violent or abusive have him carted off BT the plod.

Roshbegosh · 09/02/2014 17:16

But she doesn't have a guarantor if they need a new contract. I really think the landlord won't want to take the risk as some people on benefits do not pay their rent and are very difficult to evict. I took a chance on a woman on benefits myself and she trashed the place, had a stinking mad dog and owed thousands in the end as well as the thousands needed to put things right. I would never do it again and most landlords with decent flats won't either. Sorry, I honestly don't mean to be unhelpful and I hope someone can help you on here but there is no doubt about it, you are in a rotten situation.

FallenFlower · 09/02/2014 17:17

If he hasn't paid the rent on time a few times now, you'll likely get notice to leave at the end of the contract anyway.

Contact the council and ask for their list of landlords that accept HB.

Loveyouthree · 09/02/2014 17:39

The contract ended in June and we weren't asked to leave. It's been late as in a few days late

Yes he's been violent. I'm not ringing the police, it won't achieve anything.

All the landlords that accept HB here want a guarantor.

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Loveyouthree · 09/02/2014 17:40

Sorry not june, December

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/02/2014 17:44

If he's violent then you need to advise the right people. Womens Aid, Shelter, the police etc. Reason being that you need specialist help to get yourself safe and protect your interests and those of your DCs. Yours is not just some run of the mill end of the relationship situation. If you have it on record that he is violent then you would qualify for legal aid, for example, in the event of a dispute about the property. It would also influence any contact he went on to have with the DCs. All kinds of things flow from letting it be known that you are a victim of DV.

Loveyouthree · 09/02/2014 17:47

I know, but there's no evidence. He strangled me yesterday and pushed my head down into the bed, but there's not a mark on me. And I grabbed his back first so I just wouldn't go to the police. Plus he has a caution for violence (hospitalised a man) so that might make things worse for him?

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/02/2014 17:54

You don't need evidence, you simply need to report it. That he has a record is his problem, not yours. That you grabbed first does not mean you weren't acting out of self-defence.

Why are you protecting him?

Loveyouthree · 09/02/2014 18:02

Tbh, I think I'm protecting him cos I know deep down that I'll end up "forgiving" him, getting back with him and then we'd have a whole host of problems inc him not being able to get employment because of his record etc.

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sus14 · 09/02/2014 18:18

You need to talk to SHelter, they have a free helpline, they can advise you about what rights you have and what the council is obliged to do. Have a look at their website for the helpline number . You need to report any sort of abuse to the police to help your case.

Loveyouthree · 09/02/2014 18:36

Thank you, I didn't know shelter would help with stuff like that for free. Googling them now.

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/02/2014 18:43

You're making big efforts to move out, get your own place and get away from this violent man.... or am I reading this thread completely wrong? If you report him and burn a few bridges it'll make it less likely you'll let him back into your life rather than more. You described yourself as 'weak' originally. Wouldn't it help you be stronger if you had the law on your side?

Loveyouthree · 09/02/2014 19:06

I don't know. He's friends with everyone in this town. Everyone's his family. I have no one. Everyone would hate me.

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 09/02/2014 19:11

There are plenty of other towns you can live in and, when you leave him, you won't have anything to do with his family again. If hating you means they'd intimidate you then, by having the law on your side, you can get them properly dealt with.

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Loveyouthree · 09/02/2014 19:38

They wouldn't intimidate me as such, but I'm a very anxious person and I'd probably end up being a complete hermit for fear of bumping into one of them...

I can't go anywhere, we have children together, ones at school in the village. :(

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LilyBlossom14 · 09/02/2014 19:41

you definitely need to contact Women's Aid - they will believe you. Strangling is a huge red flag, it is just about the worst violence he could commit and they will take you seriously.

They will help you and you can find somewhere else to live who take HB - but you have to report this and get to safety.

Loveyouthree · 09/02/2014 19:47

Oh strangling is his 'favourite' thing. I just can't contact women's aid, I was with them because of my previous boyfriend and they think my now DP is a saint (as I told them). Feel stuck :(

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