Hi,
Regular, but have name changed as I know a family member is on here.
I've posted several times before about DH's toxic family. Lots of issues, that DH can recognise. His mother is a raging narcissist, his father an enabler etc. MIL has never accepted me into the family (classic case of threatened by a younger woman, 'stealing' her son and her limelight etc).
There have been many problems over the years, but several months ago there was an almighty row where they behaved in an appalling way. DH and I both tell them that unless they change their attitude and behaviour (not to mention apologise for what they did) that they cannot have a relationship with us and our children. They don't apologise and ignore our measured attempts to resolve matters. So we go no contact for several weeks, which has never happened before.
Except now I've discovered that DH has been in touch with them. It was for practical reasons and DH wasn't exactly saying 'all is forgiven, let's move on,' but his emails were friendly in tone. I thought this was a very stupid move - it's reinforcing to them that they can behave as they choose, and DH will eventually 'back down'.
I told DH as much and that, of course, created a row between us. He says, essentially 'I agree that they have been awful, but they are still my parents and I want to try to move on. '
I KNOW he's conditioned by years of their awful attitude. I know he's trying to be the better person. But this has happened SO many times, albeit on more minor levels. I TRULY thought he would stand firm this time.
I can calmly explain how I feel and think, but this is deeply painful for him. He is furious with them, but has faith that eventually 'things will be fine.' Personally I'm not sure. They've done some unforgivable things, and I'm not willing to move on myself. They're not my parents and have behaved hatefully towards me...but if DH is going to allow them back into our lives I'm not sure what to do.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I am hating the impact this has on our marriage...
shimmerandglow · 18/12/2013 15:03
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