My ex left July 2010, I was 20 weeks pregnant with our planned child. In all honesty, when we got together, I was the OW. It sounds like another world now, but he seemed so charming and funny, now see as sleazy and immature. We worked together in a bar and it was common knowledge his home life wasn't happy. I told myself it was ok as I never expected him to leave her so I wasn't breaking up a family..... Yes I was young and stupid. They had an argument one night as she caught him looking at me, he went to walk out, she stabbed him in the chest.
Despite his constant flirting with everyone, me paying all the bills as he spent his on drink, explosive arguments, the odd slap etc, I loved him. He was a very tactile man and my family never have been. I got on great with his children, friends and family. He didn't make the time for my family and friends but I'd resigned myself to it just being him. Looking back I had a shite time. His ex wife's feelings were a priority over my own. I assumed it was guilt. He wanted us to start a family. He said he'd been a bad dad and husband before and wanted to do it properly. I agreed to try for a baby. He proposed several times. I said I wasn't ready.
Fast forward to being pregnant... He started a job in a new pub (banned from the one we worked in for smashing glasses in my direction). He starts coming home drunk saying the baby isn't his. I worked 60 hours a week, the only time other than that I wasn't with him was the commute. He would tell me I'd never be as much of a woman as his ex. 20 week scan we find out we're having a boy. I tell everyone. He texts no one. Following evening comes home drunk. Starts a fight. Tells me I'm ugly, shoves me about. I go out to get air. He locks me out. When he lets me back in he's texting his ex saying its over. I sleep in the spare room and in the morning he's gone. He returns a few days later and takes our bed. I find out he'd been sleeping with his ex. He promises to pay his half of the bills, nothing comes. His phone was in my name, big bills with calls to his ex arrive. Despite all this we sleep together a few times, desperate to keep the fantasy of a family. He told me it was just sex. Then the abusive phone calls started. I moved back to my parents. A couple of months later I lost my job. In fact I'd lost my dog, gdad, boyfriend, home, job and crashed my car in the space of 4 months. I was at rock bottom. I cried everyday for 6 months. When DS was born December 2010 I felt empty.
My friends picked me up and made me feel normal again. They gave me the chance to bitch and moan when I needed it. When I found out my ex had impregnated another woman whilst seeing me, I arranged to meet her. She wasn't aware of the situation and our children now know each other. His ex hasn't let his children meet DS. But then my ex isn't interested either. He had the odd request but didn't stick to his promises. Half of his family are in touch, half aren't despite living in the next street down.
Then there's DP. He also worked with us in the bar. If always considered him a good friend. It was only when DS was 6 months old I actually realised how attractive he was! He's the best dad DS could want, we are so close we finish each others sentences and all those other annoying things loved up people do. I feel stupid I wasted so much time on my ex when DP was right under my nose! I honestly felt like my life was ending when ex walked out, all my dreams smashed. It wasn't. It was the best thing he'd ever done for me. I lost him but I regained dignity and self respect. Started a degree with open uni, moved out. I'm me again. DP is the icing on the cake. I've never been happier :)