Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

It's a losing battle trying to keep DP happy (housework, kids, work etc)

(76 Posts)
SlugBotherer Mon 15-Jul-13 09:31:38

God I don't even know where to start but I feel like it's a constant uphill struggle trying to keep my dp happy.
One issue is the house. I've never been houseproud (probably because I've never had a house to be proud of) but we've just bought a beautiful house and I love it so much - I am very proud of it and I constantly clean and tidy it yet DP will always find something I've not done. Like the time I spent all day cleaning the bathrooms, bedrooms, living room, sorting everyone's clothes wash and iron, rearranging the dining room - dp complains that I'd left a medical card on the living room floor. Yesterday it came to a head when dp went in ds's bedroom and found chocolate mashed into the carpet. He had a go at me about it saying I should be monitoring the kids bedrooms and then made some joke about how it was "team slug and ds" going out of our way to wreck HIS house. This upset me because I've always worried that this house is more HIS and we're just living here and he's always maintained its OUR house despite the fact that it's his income that allows us to pay the mortgage so when he said that it kind of confirmed that he does see it as HIS house more than OURS. So he said I should be keeping on top of things and not letting the house become a pigsty - forgetting of course that I'd been out in the garden all day in the scorching heat painting woodwork to make our beloved house look nice - yet he says I don't care about it.

Then he gets on about DS's behaviour saying I have to keep on trying to nurture him and not let him get out of control (he has behavioural issues). I argued that I DO keep a close eye on him and do everything I can with him so he said "yeah well don't just take a back seat and relax now thinking everything is an easy ride now because I'm here, you need to do it too" shock so hurtful he's basically accusing me of living off him.

I'm a full time nursing student so work 13 hour shifts as well as study for exams and assignments PLUS I've just landed myself flexible hours on the nursing bank to get us some extra money. He's not happy about that either - he says he is but I can tell he isn't.

See in one breathe he's saying we need me to work so that we can afford luxuries, holidays, savings etc - I agree. Yet when I go to work (either placement or paid work) he has a face on saying the housework doesn't get done, we never see each other and the kids are being left to run riot because I'm not around.

I just can't win. I feel like it's a constant struggle to make him happy and nothing I do is ever good enough. His mum seems to appreciate my existence more than he does.

What smarts is that HE leaves his clothes on the bedroom floor, HE leaves his facial hair in the sink, HE leaves mugs lying around - the dining room which he uses as a computer room is a complete and utter TIP with all his stuff lying around. So it's not even as if he is genuinely OCD about tidyness, it seems like he just looks for an excuse to have a go at me or cause an argument.

Mindyourownbusiness Tue 16-Jul-13 08:48:00

Sorry ignore the random 'But' at beginning of second sentence.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now