I've namechanged for this.
I feel quite unhappy in my marriage at times, we seem to have very good times and then very bad times, and I don't know if there is emotional abuse there or not. My first marriage (from which I have one DC, then my current DH and I have 2 children) broke up as my ex was very abusive, but this was more obvious. Been with DH for about 10 years, married 5.
If I list a few things my DH has done I wondered if some of you might be able to tell me if you think there is emotional abuse or if it's just me (as DH says it is)
He makes mess all the time but then moans at me if the house is messy. He leaves stuff everywhere. Ranging from paperwork, to shoes, to crisp packets, to wet towels. It's got where I've started to give up on the house a bit as it's just full of his junk everywhere, and he moans at me all the time about it and says I'm lazy. He will occasionally (by that I mean once a fortnight or so) unload the dishwasher or put a few bits in the washing machine but that's it.
He seems to put himself first all the time, and never the kids and I. He seems to see the children as my job and if he does anything with them it's a big favour for me, yet he never does things properly with them. For example yesterday I had a bit of a lie in, and when I got up he had taken the children out for an hour, but the younger two had had no breakfast, hair was unbrushed, teeth uncleaned, and the house was a total state. He'd had lie ins on Saturday and Sunday and during that time I'd carried on as normal and he'd got up to clean, dressed children, and a tidy house. Then yesterday he had the view that he'd "done his bit" once he brought them home and I feel like I effectively pay for any time off I have by having to do all the jobs. He also regulary (twice a day at least) just disappears off to the loo for between 45 minute and an hour. He won't go in the downstairs loo and uses the upstairs one, so I can't get in to bath the kids, and he always chooses to do this either in the morning when we are getting ready, or at the kids bathtime.
He gets really moody with me if I'm ill or if the children are ill, and won't play any part in looking after any of us. I had a virus a couple of months ago and was in bed but he wouldn't watch the children or do anything for me at all, not even bring me a cup of tea or a glass of water. He says it's not fair that he should have to be inconvenienced if any of us are ill as it's not his fault we've caught something.
He thinks he knows everything, thinks he is always right, I am wrong, and he has an opinion on everything I do. Whatever I do, he homes in on anything negative he can find and starts saying "What you want to do is X" and starts giving me advice, whether it's on my cooking, cleaning, or anything else I do. He is very vocal about his opinions and goes on and on and on. At the weekend I was doing a fitness DVD that I do each morning and he came in and started criticising my technique, and saying "What you want to do is get heavier weights"and just pulling apart it all. If one of the kids or I are ill he is always adamant he knows the cause and will say 'It's because you haven't had enough sleep, you're not ill' and will go on and on about it. He literally has an opinion on everything and I'm expected to take it on board. He has mentioned before that I need to learn to accept constructive criticisim. Whilst I am of the school of thought that there are times and places not to give an opinion and I don't want his constructive criticism all the time.
There are loads of other things too but these are just some of the things that are making me resentful.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Is this emotional abuse or am I just oversensitive and intolerant?
Namechangething · 07/05/2013 09:52
I don't know about emotional abuse but he certainly sounds like a selfish bully. The constant nit-picking and negativity would piss me off.... talk about crushing someone's spirit. "You're doing that all wrong!!!" Constructive criticism my arse. 
This reply has been deleted
Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.
his behaviour when you are sick is unforgivable & cruel.
He sounds like a very sexist person and above everything else a huge "know it all, do nothing BORE"! I wonder how you can bear it on a daily basis? Oh the horror of being sat next to someone like this at a dinner party, let alone living with them.
He certainly feels superior and more important than you OP and your DC as well 
Another vote for selfish wanker I'm afraid.
His attitude towards his family's illness is disgusting. Good god how much effort would a glass of water take ?
The bathroom thing almost seems like a power thing - if it always happens when you need the bathroom to get the children ready it smacks of him making sure you know who (in his twisted opinion anyway) is top of the pecking order. What happens when you point out there's another loo he can use if needs be and that you need to get the kids ready for school ?
Everything else - nitpicking away, constant criticism - is just horrid. It isn't the behaviour of someone who cares about you that's for sure. He certainly seems to think you're beneath him - both you and the kids. Won't help or sympathise if you're ill, leaves his fucking mess for you to clear up and then criticises if you don't do it soon enough or up to his standards as if you're the skivvy. Won't care for his own kids properly even though we're talking "jobs", like teeth brushing or a bowl of cereal that'd take minutes ..... because that's your job and such things are far too menial for someone as important/arrogant as him. And you're not to supposed to have any opinions of your own are you because remember he knows best, he's the most important person in the house - how very dare you try to assert yourself or suggest he might be wrong. I bloody hate people who, having voiced their opinion, refuse to consider that what they think might not be correct, or appropriate, and who then rather than accept defeat graciously, or at the very least, agree to differ, turn it all back round on you and accuse you of not being able to accept "constructive criticism". That may of course be true on some occasions but I find it very hard to believe it applies to everything he throws at you - i.e. that he's never mistaken about anything - and it's more about making you feel small. It's interesting that you say your mum believes a woman is the property of her husband ..... because yours certainly acts like it.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.