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Advice please about contacting an old boyfriend

(102 Posts)
StretchVelvet Sun 27-Jan-13 15:12:17

I'm thinking about contacting an old boyfriend I recently found on FB.

According to his page he is in a relationship. I am single.

I have no wish to cause any problems in his relationship, but I would just like to drop him a line to say hello and just find out how he's doing. I have no wish to meet him in person, not while he's in a relationship.

I'm still not certain that I will send him a message, but any tips on what to say if I do? Keeping in mind that he and his DP may both read each other's FB so what do I write that keeps things light and doesn't make me look like I'm a potential homewrecker?

It's been many, many years and I keep thinking he may not even remember me, but it was a serious and very intense relationship, surely he MUST remember me ? If he doesn't I'll just crawl under the nearest rock and never come out grin

original thread which has long posts by me is here
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1667231-Feeling-stuck-and-sad-about-the-past

I think you need t be brutally brutally honest with yourself about why you want to contact him

I contacted annold boyfriend on FB last year. Very intense relationship on and off from age 16 to 22/23. I was always the one that ended it and I knew that back then he still loved me. I have often wondered how he was doing. I knew where he was living and I knew he was married - as am I. Over the years he has popped up in my dreams very often. In fact the night before I was starting IVF I dreamt I was trying to find him to ask him if it was ok. All very weird as I knew I was always the one to end it. I think I felt guilty as I knew he was heartbroken. Anyway - contacted him on FB and we swapped a few messages and then he challenged me to play Songpop. He has his phone number on his profile and one day I called him. It was really great to talk to him and catch up on what had been happening in both our lives. And I came away remembering exactly WHY I didn't want to be with him! He is lovely but irritates me. We are still in touch. Still play Songpop - sad I know! But I have no wish or need to meet him and I never had. Through me contacting him my sister is now friends with him - he was the big brother she never had. And some other mutual friends have got in touch with him. So that has worked out well but only because I really really knew I was only curious. I had no ulterior motive.

And I think that you are really hoping that something would come of you contacting you ex.

VBisme Tue 29-Jan-13 21:12:15

If I was in a relationship and didn't trust my DP to handle contact from an ex appropriately, I wouldn't be with him in the first place.

But you can bet your life that if he leaves his current gf for you then that would be because it was fated and that you're soul mates, rather than hes a faithless git. hmm

You are setting yourself up for another fall, I really wish you wouldn't.

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