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Is this a normal way to speak for some men/ people ?

(112 Posts)
Domesticsloven Thu 17-Jan-13 23:27:18

Ds asked for a drink from dh tonight he is 10 . He does get his own drinks too. Dh said " get your own you little git " (shock) he was " joking" and meant he could get his own, apparently
WTF .

This is a professional man , why would he use a word like that to a child? It has really shocked me.

However I am quite genteel so AIBU ? (but to you nice reasonable relationships peeps)

NicknameTaken Fri 18-Jan-13 10:29:59

Totally agree with kalidanger's post of 09.29.

I accept "git" is used with affection in many houses. Nobody's claiming that it is by itself an act of abuse.

What's behind it seems to be a pattern of OP's H speaking contemptuously to his wife and child, in a way that is distressing OP but is subtle enough for her to find it difficult to put her finger on the exact problem. It does not seem possible for her to have a mutually respectful conversation with him to express her concerns.

Those of you dismissing it may not have experience of being at the receiving end of verbal abuse. The actual words can look mild written down, but having them hissed at you with fury and contempt is a horrible experience.

PeppermintPasty Fri 18-Jan-13 10:42:29

I wouldn't stand for my ds being called a little git in this context. I'm almost more offended at the OP being told to shut up.

How often does he speak to you like that OP?

BadLad Fri 18-Jan-13 11:54:34

If you watch Only Fools and Horses there are plenty of times when Del and Rodney call each other gits, sometimes affectionately, sometimes not.

Depending on context, I would probably think nothing of it, but if one parent isn't happy with it being said to the children, I think the other parent ought to cut it out.

dequoisagitil Fri 18-Jan-13 12:02:05

I think that because this goes with a context of you being spoken to disrespectfully and your concerns being dismissed, you should take it seriously.

I wouldn't like this apparent attempt to 'man up' your child through putting him down and denigration of potential hobbies as girlish - it says to me, your dh doesn't actually like women much, for one thing and is trying to enforce a very narrow form of masculinity.

It's all very destructive to your son's self-esteem (and yours). I don't think you should put up with it.

Domesticsloven Fri 18-Jan-13 12:03:06

Sorry no time for reply am snowed in but going to work now
I am not happy with disrespect it is intermittent and he won,t discuss it
The answers on the thred show why I am ambivalent about what this means, it's not what I thinkis right and I don.t do it myself so obv don!t want him to do it but he won't accept my view, he does what he wants to do

Have on prob with daft apeth daft plank little horror etc at all love nicknames little get is not the same

Domesticsloven Fri 18-Jan-13 12:04:18

Sorry little git am really not used to my I pad yet sorry

Domesticsloven Fri 18-Jan-13 12:05:33

Answered AF already yes he has said and done similar from time to time, when he wants to, no explanation... His response would be like those who have replied " not to be so soft " etc

Domesticsloven Fri 18-Jan-13 12:13:16

Will read full thread nd replies after my shift and tomorrow am being taken in with hospital transport 4 by 4 so no replies until late now or tomorrow
Thank you all for considering this and thoughtful replies

Domesticsloven Fri 18-Jan-13 12:35:36

Nickname taker is spot on smile

BertieBotts Fri 18-Jan-13 12:43:33

"lazy git" would/could be ok, depending on context, used affectionately/jokingly.

"Little git" is somehow worse - I can't explain why, it's almost (to me) like saying "Ugh, you're so annoying, always asking for stuff, what a horrible person"

Rather than "I can't believe you're being so lazy as to ask!" in a gently surprised/chiding manner.

However I agree with the poster who says you know, as someone close to him, how he meant it and what context/meaning was behind it. And I think with the other stuff you've said I'd be concerned.

NicknameTaken Fri 18-Jan-13 13:47:44

OP, Patrician Evans has written some helpful books on verbal abuse. You might find that they can give you some insight into the situations and some strategies to deal with it.

Domesticsloven Fri 18-Jan-13 21:53:23

Thx

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