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DD assaulted by her father

(109 Posts)
SkaffenAmtiskaw Thu 20-Dec-12 19:37:46

I dropped off my DD (11) for contact with her father this afternoon, she was due to stay with him for a few days until Christmas. A couple of hours later she phoned me in hysterics asking me to pick her up, she said her dad had been verbally and physically abusive (he grabbed her by her scarf and pushed her into a wall). I am too far to go to collect her (it would take me 2 hours to get there) but a very good friend went to pick her up. She is now safe at my friend's and I will go to pick her up in the morning.

I am understandably very upset. My ex was emotionally, financially and eventually physically abusive to me when we were together and we split up when DD was a baby. I never thought he would be physically abusive to her,, otherwise I wouldn't have let her stay with him, but there had been signs lately of some emotional abuse.

Should I report this to the police? After all if a stranger had done this to her, I would. There would be no going back from this, but anyway there is no way she is going back there.

Sorry I am rambling a bit but I am all over the place right now, and just need to let it out.

Dahlen Thu 10-Jan-13 15:06:23

I know it's disappointing and might seem like he's got away with it, but like you say, it's all on record and you have your justification (if ever needed) for stopping contact. More importantly, your DD is safe, and she's seen you champion her interests. That will have a really positive effect on your relationship that will only become more apparent over time. You should feel proud of yourself. smile

cestlavielife Thu 10-Jan-13 15:25:17

i think that was expected outcome tbh - as no obvious injuries eg if she had ended up in hospital with recorded injuries might have been different....

so long as dd safe and it is on record and she knows she doesnt have to see him unsupervised, ever, then that is what counts.

dyu think he will come asking to see her again in few weeks/months?

SkaffenAmtiskaw Thu 10-Jan-13 15:34:42

Yes I suppose you're right cestlavie! I hope he will not come asking to see her again at anytime in the future, but if he does he will get short thrift! He might try to get indirect contact via his niece, who my DD is quite close to. She doesn't know what's happened yet as she's away but I'll let her know as soon as she gets in touch.

NicknameTaken Fri 11-Jan-13 10:23:26

It's frustrating that it didn't get taken any further, but having the assault on the official record is hugely useful.

Depending on what your dd wants, indirect contact mediated through a third party isn't necessarily a bad thing. But if she doesn't want further contact at this point, I don't think he should be allowed to insist on it.

SkaffenAmtiskaw Fri 11-Jan-13 21:22:58

Indeed Nickname, that's how I'm seeing it. DD doesn't want any contact with her dad, she's even deleted his number from her phone (unprompted). Having said that, and knowing him, it's very unlikely that he will insist on contact. Now I must remember to check if the maintenance payment comes through this month, if not, I'll be making a claim via the CSA!

mummytime Fri 11-Jan-13 21:31:27

Do remember contact is supposed to be for the benefit of the child, not the parent. So please do fight as much as you can for her right not too see her father if she doesn't want to.

SkaffenAmtiskaw Fri 11-Jan-13 21:48:54

Don't worry mummytime, as I said upthread, over my dead body!

SkaffenAmtiskaw Fri 11-Jan-13 23:05:18

I understand a lot better what many of you have been telling me with regard to contact, after reading a thread where the OP's eldest child, younger than mine, has been assaulted by the violent ex-H and he still has 15 h court-ordered contact per fortnight, that is just so awful. I feel fortunate in that my ex is very unlikely to insist on contact.

GregBishopsBottomBitch Fri 11-Jan-13 23:11:34

Skaffen Whatever judge ordered that contact, needs to be removed from his position, thats disgusting, its like insisting a pedophile is allowed contact with the victim.

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