Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
OK. LETS GET THIS OFF OUR CHESTS .... if you COULD write a letter to the OW .....(130 Posts)
.... what would you say?
OK - I SHOULD STATE HERE THAT I HAVE NAME CHANGED FOR THIS ONE.
Now, yes, I know in RL this is a real NO NO - but my thinking is, hey, why dont we all offload on MN and get this out of our systems?
Personally, I just wouldnt go there, in real terms, if you see what I mean - I just wouldnt post that letter/send that email.
But boy oh boy it would be nice to just vent my feelings and basically just say piss off - but without the explitives! lol
(Im actually off to bed right now but I promise to add mine later this weekend)
So, come on everyone - VENT VENT VENT VENT
have him --- your loss my gain!
Dear ow, (or future gf or whatever)
Looks good on paper doesn't he......just you wait. There's a reason he has x number of failed marriages and it wasn't just bad luck with women!
really wishing we had a 'like' button on MN
I don't know but I recently sent this to my ex rather than OW when he decided yet again to not have contact with DS
s from today my phone number has been changed as my utter utter disgust at you and your inability to put Jake first, provide for him and now refuse to see him is too much for me.
You will also be blocked from this email once it has been sent.
You live your life, drinking and holidaying because one day you will regret it and don't think for one minute our son will want to know someone as selfish and disgusting as you.
I will give my solicitor your work address when the time comes for you to be removed from the mortgage of which you will have to pay costs.
Enjoy your christmas on your own with neither of your children. Don't think for one minute that living your life with your whore makes up for time with your children. Your life will be shallow and incomplete and at some point karma will get you.
Sleep well knowing what an utter failure not only as a father but as a person you are. Your lies will catch up with you.
OW will read it though as there is nothing like being the OW to make you insecure now is there LOL
ok so seriously I cannot post this and then send myself off to bed - grossly unfair of me - soz
unedited and off the cuff mine would be something like:
So, yes, i have discovered your 3 month emotional affair with my husband where I believe from bitchbook messages between you both that you met only twice in that time and shagged just the once. nice.
I also believe from what I have read (not what I have been told) that you were the main instigator in this affair. YOU contacted him, via bitchbook, you were old schoolfriends - you were widowed and looking for adventure, you happened upon my DH at a time of weakness in our marriage and you hounded him. yes, you actually did. you were the instigator in this. you even asked him for £250,000 because of something to do with your Dad and his health and a property dilemma.
Good job I found out about you at this point.
Fastforward to today - I confronted him - he denied it until I quoted verbatim (big word, dont think youd understand that one).
I gave him an option - he stay or go, BUT he stay for ME not our DS.
Amazing, he stayed with me - cut communications with you immediately as if you were a virus.
And yet you still hounded him with emails - your dog died (no he didnt, you were attention seeking). You contacted via bitchbook several times asking me to give him up - my partner of 18 years where I had been his backbone during three years of family problems.
You never really wanted him, did you - in reality you were a lonely window - childless ...... you could never really understand the impact of your infactuation on our DS - you were merely thinking only of your own loneliness.
You are a pirah.
You have opened my eyes regarding my husband and the level of deciet and bare faced lies he is capable of. Hold on to that thought - you were a party to that.
So be happy with your new puppy - yes your dog did die but several weeks after your awful emotional attention seeking to my husband who dropped you like hot coals. And by the way, your puppy IS NOT YOUR CHILD, nor is anyone you know its GODPARENT !!!! (speechless about that one - yes I can access your bitchbook ......... via a friend ....... 6 degrees of separation)
oh I could go on and yes I know that the above is a bitter and twisted missive but OH MY GOD IT FEELS GOOD TO GET SOME OF IT OFF MY CHEST.
I wrote on an posted it here back when I found out - it helped massively. I still hate the bitch, so I'll join in (shorter than the original!)
Dear moustache face
You are an idiot. You behaved like an infatuated teenager although you are a grown woman of 41 years. I understand that people can get carried away by their genitals and that when you have been lonely for a long time you are susceptible to flattery. I know my (stbx)H is very charming and can sweep a girl off her feet. But where was your common sense, your compassion? Did he feed you some bullshit about us being 'technically separated'? Did you not think to question that, considering we lived in the same house, and you had to be kept secret?
How on earth could you be so callous towards me? When I found out it was 4 days before Christmas. He turned his phone off for most of the time but each time it went on I heard 'beep beep' as you tried to get a response. How do you think I coped with trying to appear normal around my family and my son with you still looking for attention?
When I text you, politely, respectfully, to let you know that I was very much still in the picture, how could you tell me it was 'not your problem or concern' and you didn't understand why I was upset? Are you an actual idiot, or just a bitch?
And the way you tried to continue contact after he ended it made you look ridiculous. A bit of advice for the future - when a man blocks your phone number, email and Facebook that might be a sign that you should back off?
I am single now - you are welcome to him. I will always have my lovely son and you never will. Good, you don't deserve children.
And my final bit of advice - men lie. They bullshit and paint themselves in a good light and flatter and lie. If you are naive enough to fall for it at your age then I pity you.
I love this thread! Mines slightly different as it wasn't an OW but an OM.
There are just a few things I thought you should know xxxx, firstly I do NOT and WILL NOT ever want that lying, cheating, selfish man back again. You are welcome to him. I'm now with someone amazing, someone that I deserve and we are building a beautiful future together with my Ds. I know you must have been told a whole host of awful things about me and I would like to set the record straight. Yes we were together when he met you and we're together for quite some time after that. He abused me physically, mentally and sexually and I'd actually like to thank you for taking him off my hands. And no I do not feel sorry for a man who made me think he wanted to spend his life with me for 6 years, had a child with me and then left me for a man. I suppose on a regular situation yes I would feel sorry for someone who was afraid to be honest about there sexuality but in this case I think he is a disgusting piece of s**t. I don't care that he is gay, I care that he lied to me and my little boy for so long. People make mistakes but surely he could have ended our relationship earlier then 6 years? I could have moved on and been happier much earlier. None the less it's over now and I promise you that you will see the real him one day when you least expect it. He is a manipulative liar and I assure you I am none of the things he has said. But I don't need to prove myself to you.
Good luck, because believe me you'll need it!
You are about to set up home with a man you know has lied and cheated on his wife and DC's for a LONG time. You know he was good at it. I'd be worried about how good he was. Do you know hes told me he doesnt want to live with you but has nowhere else to go? Bet it was fun having a quickie with the boss behind the filing cabinets but how do you feel now you're making his tea and washing his socks, putting up with his phone going at 2am with some emergency? He has terrible mood swings, he sulks and has a verbal temper. Enjoy finding all this out. O and by the way, I know you are a single mum and think you've struck it rich catching the boss, but we are broke. Up to our eyes in debt and he will be even more so when me and my DC's get what we are entitled to. Whos having the last laugh now ?
O that feels good
You poor thing. You know when he opens his mouth, he's usually lying. And you have to believe him. After a while, it gets to be a strain. I don't have to believe him any more. What a relief.
The whores? Did he tell you that was a one off or just because I was such a cold bitch. Ha! Ha! Nice one.
I knew you were a bitch when I started at our workplace and you refused to smile, say hello, anything, just blanked me with a cats bum mouth.
I knew you were a bitch when I saw you flirting shamelessly with exDP and you ran off up the corridor when you realised I was approaching.
Even though I knew you were a bitch, I intervened and stopped a whole load of nasty gossip that was going on in the department about the fact you as a 43 yo grandmother were going out with a 25 yo lad who also worked with us.
You gave the game away when you began to meet my eye in an antagonistic, aggressive, triumphant manner, which coincided with exDP picking fights and relentlessly criticising me at home. You saw my stress-induced major weight loss and watched me become a shell of myself as I crumpled under the emotional abuse I was getting and I swear you gloated.
I did laugh when I ended things with exDP and he could have had you, but instead pursued two gorgeous professional women via the dating profile I'd found was active during our three years together. He also came a hair's breadth to being reported for sexual harrassment by a lovely female colleague of ours.
He only fell into your arms officially 8 months later when it became apparent his back was fucked and needed surgery. Why else would he have got together with a skanky chav with green hair...slight improvement on the peroxide though I'll admit. We live in a small town and I know about you working cash in hand in your previous job in exchange for sexual favours from the married boss. I also know that you are a woman-hater; that you once claimed to be having an affair with man just to hurt his wife because you didn't like her.
Anyway. I hope you're enjoying the country cottage we renovated. You probably still think its a romantic weekend retreat with log fire - you'll realise when he slips up that it's where he shags women he's met on match.com
You'll realise when you get home from work and nothing is done that he's been looking at online porn ALL DAY.
You'll realise how embarrassing it is when he gets bollocked at work YET AGAIN for bullying and intimidating young female staff.
You'll realise how painful and humiliating it is when he gets going with his next prey - he's already grooming her blatantly at work..."Call me Papa and I'll give you anything you want"<boak>
Perhaps we should have a bitter emoticon
dear OW my exDH probably told you he was seperated on match.com, probably told you he was working as a security guard , probably told you he caught me in bed with another man, probably told you i had let myself go, probably told you he did all the housework, probably charmed the socks off you, how do i know this because when i met him this was the tales i got, all lies right from the begining , what you will find out in time is he is a serial cheater and when he gets fed up with you and your ready made family he will go searching for another woman, hes sneaky, lies continually, is mean with money and hides staches, wants everything done his way, he sulks, and sometime in the future he will be carrying on with his ready made script with another gullible female, you are welcome to him
Ooh i wish i could talk to the OW, but my husband has told me off for even looking at her before... Apparently he will skin my parents if i try to speak to her.
Congratulations on picking the worst human being who has ever lived. I hope you are looking forward to conforming with the way you dress, look, speak, the way you are with your children. Every little thing you do will be closely monitored and commented on, until your confidence is such that you think that this is the way you deserve to be treated. I hope you realise that he'll see someone else at work at some point that he can 'fix' and drop you after just a few weeks with her. All i have to say is thank you for ridding me of the scum, and i hope you will truly both get what you deserve.
3 years and i can finally offload
Dear OW aka The skank from the south,
Despite being a married, 40 yr old, mother of 4, you still couldnt resist on latching your claw into my partner, and making my life hell, breaking up my daughters home,
Well, thank you for taking away that selfish, idiotic 40 yr old man child, for he is an arsehole and thinks of only himself, glad to be rid, well done.
Well here goes......
Dear OW - there are so many other names I could use but I was bought up correctly unlike you obviously!
You are more than welcome to him after all who wants a coward as a partner - remember he sneaked off to run away with you during the night when my children and I were asleep. Yes he left us in chaos, no water, no heating , no kitchen - he will do the same to you if you dont do it first that is. I mean with your history of four previous affairs your track record isnt great is it?
Yes he can now give you all the things he promised our children - a dog holidays, time, attention etc but never got around to doing. As a grandmother of seven and mother of four it must be fun taking away the Father of two young children, one of whom is disabled.
The one question I would ask is whether this has all been worth it? The lies, the distruction, the hurt you have caused my entire family and being described by your darling new partner as a 'friend he is sharing resources with.'
You think you know what shit looks like, but take a better look at the mirror
(I actually DREAMED I was saying that the other day....)
several years on, all Id have to say is this;
Now you know, Ha! be careful what you wish for, you might just get it!
I'd be tempted to tell her that it was in fact me that ended it not him and that no he didn't 'choose' her, he just didn't have a choice because I told him I wouldn't want him if he was the last man on earth.
Christ, listen to yourselves. A whole page of bitter bile and rank misogyny. It makes for really uncomfortable reading to be honest.
I am sorry for all your pain and loss, but for goodness sake, these "other women" are not responsible for the behaviour of your husbands and partners. It was your men who chose to break up your families.
Relationships break down. Sometimes people turn out not to be who you thought they were. It really hurts. But do you think you all would have lived happily ever after had it not been for the actions of this one random woman?
Just look at the language you're using: Whore, The skank from the south, Bitch... it's awful! She's probably just an ordinary woman like you, and a victim of the same lies and deceit as you no doubt.
And no, I have never had an affair with a married man, so I don't post this with an agenda. I just find it disturbing that women can turn so hatefully on each other rather than directing their anger where it really belongs. But that's what you get in a woman hating society I suppose.
You weren't speaking to me as my post was nothing like that, but I'll say anyway...
I think you have missed the point of the thread.
Yeah, you have missed the point. Never mind.
I think it's perfectly possible to feel ire towards the OW whilst simultaneously placing the majority ofthe blame of the cheating partner.
If the OW knew or discovered that the person was married/attached, then of course her position is despicable.
We had just got married, you bitch. Literally weeks before you started cheating on your nice boyfriend with my new DH. He was an insecure guy, going through a little post-wedding wobble. He was flattered by your attention, and you led him right down the garden path and out through the gate.
Then as soon as he had left me, you chucked him and never told your boyfriend about any of it.
I hope you're sad and lonely now, you cow.
Fuckitthat'lldo- take it you are/ have been an ow??? Either that or your mother teresa??
Join the discussion
Please login first.