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My mother hates my husband (long)

(956 Posts)
badtoworse Sat 15-Sep-12 19:46:56

I don't live in the UK. DH is from the country we live in. Mum came to live here (divorced and then later my father died) some years ago in a house a short drive away. Soon decided it was a big mistake and that she hated it, then to complicate matters then injured her back and became really unable to manage living alone. We sold my house and we moved in with her. All coinciding with me starting a new business venture and DH becoing unemployed. DH has bascially been unemployed (except for a couple of short contracts) since then. When we all moved in together DS was 20 months (now 4.5) and we've since had another child who's 1.5.

Before we all moved in together I was about to go back after mat leave and all set up (at her suggestion) for mum to have DS while I worked and DH at work. DH lost his job three days before I went back but mum said she still wanted to come up in the afternoons cos she wanted to see DS. She (much later) claimed DH had sat on the coputer and let her do it all. He said (we had a big row about it then) he only sat on the computer while DS napped.

My business has been slowly dying a death so I'm going to be WOH from Monday (previously ran busness from home). Yesterday I had meetings all day. DH supposed to be looking after DCs for the afternoon while I'm out.
I told him not to let my mum do too much, to imagine she was not there as it's too much for her. When I came home I asked mum (who I saw first on coming in) how things had been and she pulled a face and said tell you later.
Asked DH if he'd let DS just spend the whole afternoon with my mum and he said, only a bit while DD asleep..she slept for almost 2 hours. Then I ask mum and she says that he'd sat on the laptop and told DS he couldn't play as he'd wake the baby up and she'd felt bad so spent 2 hrs entertaining DS while DH sat on laptop.

I was really pissed off as I'd asked him specifically not to do this and we had a row.

He says she's exaggerating and that he can't believe I'm questioning his parenting abilities/calling him a neglectful parent and talking about him behind his back. He says DS wasn't with her the entire time, he was in and out and he didn't tell him he couldn't play, just that he had to be quiet as the baby was asleep.

She says he's a lazy git and it's the same old shit as all those years ago, she's had enough and would go back to the UK if she had the money. They've been avoiding each other all day and I feel totally caught in the middle.

I'm so angry that he did exactly what I asked him not to but I can't stand this atmosphere, it's like I'm being asked to choose, my husband or my mother.

2rebecca Thu 17-Jan-13 23:34:02

I thought she had gone down there on her own just before Christmas?

Anniegetyourgun Thu 17-Jan-13 23:34:58
Aussiebean Thu 17-Jan-13 23:46:58

I think ops brother forwarded her the email. I thinks it's good that she knows what her mother has been saying. But not give it any head space.

badtoworse Fri 18-Jan-13 06:39:48

DB forwarded the e mail. I'm not particularly worried about it, I just think it's a bit odd that she says nothing about how she feels about us leaving. With me it's all teary eyed and on the point of crying and she says nothing except that we're going. Ah, well..like you say I could spend my life trying to work out what's she's thinking and be no closer to the truth.
DB would like to sell the flat within the next year or so. I'm not involved in that decision and have no desire to be. DM pays the charges (maintenance and standing charges for utilities) so if she doesn't want to, she can sort that out or they can rent it (although they'd be very unlikely to rent it out of summer season as there isn't much demand except in summer).

GoodtoBetter Fri 18-Jan-13 07:26:18

I've named changed and started a new thread here:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1662178-The-Great-Escape

as this one is nearly full.

xx

goonyagoodthing Fri 18-Jan-13 09:29:04

Glad to see the positive name change, see you on the new thread!

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