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support for emotional eaters!!

(149 Posts)
DippyDoohdah Mon 06-Aug-12 20:22:42

Having had some really solid support on MN, I thought itwould be worth seeing if there are many other women who find themselves eating in order to occupy their minds, temporarily console themselves and to keep feelings pushed down!? Its got to the point where I have gone from voluptuous to matronly..not feeling my za za zing anymore! Really need to address weight for my health.its the evenings where I sit and pick, think, and also the evenings when I go on MN..so I thought, combine the two, and anyone else who sees something like this in themselves? Maybe we can support each other.smile

DippyDoohDahDay Thu 04-Apr-13 20:20:16

I identify with that too...hate seeing people that have not seen for a few years and they stutter ' er, hi, well you look, er, well,..'
And bless my (skinny) aunt, first words from her lips at our annual endurance get together are always 'so, are you on a diet'. Love that.

Isabeller Thu 04-Apr-13 10:29:30

I am obese on the BMI scale and trying to lose weight without much success. I have slowly improved my diet and exercise habits and recently started to log all food and exercise on MyFitnessPal which I think is helping but no real change in weight yet. There's definitely an element of emotional eating especially in the evening. Yesterday I ate well all day then had 500+ unnecessary calories in a snack in the evening.

I really indentify with what you say about being embarrassed to be seen Double I don't like seeing friends or family because I feel bad and wrong to be as large as I am.

If I lost 3 stone I would be in the overweight category and I'm sure I'd feel a lot more comfortable. I might even feel able to see some old friends again.

DippyBlinkey Thu 04-Apr-13 09:22:59

Hi double. Your psychologist is a professional and thus should not impose her values onto you ... I work with people with addictions and encourage them to find healthier pastimes, such as joining a gym. I am 4 stone over my usual weight but do not expect others not to want their own goals. At best she could refer you for some other counselling?
I really feel for you having those thoughts when you step pout of the house, but as you have already said, it's just a physical representation of your unhappiness, it's a bit like your heart on your sleeve iyswim, and all that will change when you get some help dealing with your emotions.
Do you have children? I have started buying snacks that they like but I do not, as really before it was 'one for them (two for mum)!'

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Wed 03-Apr-13 23:29:29

Hello, pleased to see this thread! Can I join you? I'm a rubbish emotional eater ( or should that be a highly proficient one as its the stopping eating in rubbish at!).

My whole life fell apart 5/6 yrs ago and although I've always had bad eating habits my metabolism was ultra fast & able to disguise it. From that moment my body now shows what i put into it & I've been getting fatter & fatter ever since.

I hate the way I look, I hate my Body, I hate myself for being like this, I hate going out of the house & letting other people see my disgustingness... I feel like I have a sign over me saying 'look at my vastness, look at me wobble, look how disgusting & pathetic I am, look at how much I hate myself' sad

I think councelling would help, but is hard to do practically and do many other things are a priority and urgent now... I have access to a pain psychologist but can't really use it to tap into the eating / weight problems as she's actually huge herself & quite stridently 'I'm comfortable in my body nothing wrong with my shape'... Which makes it impossible for me to say how I loathe myself

DippyBlinkey Wed 03-Apr-13 23:12:36

Bumping, any takers? smile

SoleSource Sun 07-Oct-12 18:51:21

Overeatingitus I am suffering from. I feel strange cannot shake it.

DippyDoohdah Fri 14-Sep-12 21:39:40

I did so well for nearly 2 Weeks on the no carbs but not got back in the waggon yet. Too many other things to be in control of at moment so eating out of control..am not so bad as was with evening picking but lunch times see me "rewarding" self with self indulgent lunch..stressful job and comfort eating colleagues..aagh!

javotte Fri 14-Sep-12 18:10:05

Hi everyone! I'm really struggling ATM - if I don't keep myself busy with housework I spend my days eating chocolate and biscuits sad. I don't want my baby to be born with high blood sugar levels! I'm trying to eat lean ham or cheese instead, but it is hard.

delilahlilah Fri 14-Sep-12 17:10:24

It's taken me ages to track down this thread!

zoo I totally agree sad A tablet instead of a meal, great idea! I was hoping to give Herbalife a go , having heard good things, but it seems extortionate. I'd struggle to afford a tub of their shake powder!

I hope this thread stays active. It's so good to know other people actually understand.

zookeeper Mon 03-Sep-12 08:55:39

Hi all

How is everyone doing? I'm still wading through the Geneen Roth books which are all about stopping dieting, eating what you want and losing weight. It's a bit of a leap of faith as a part of me is terrified that I will end up fatter than ever but years of dieting have left me with a really unhealthy relationship with food and three stone overweight.

My last really bad day was a week last Sunday which for me is good - since then I've eaten as I think thin people eat - what they want but not so that they gorge themselves.

This food business is such a bloody struggle -I sometimes I wish I could just take a pill every day and be done with it and not have to worry about eating too much/the right stuff/the wrong stuff/too little etc etc etc

delilahlilah Tue 28-Aug-12 09:49:42

Hi Shelly, I agree with javotte. In fact mentioning it is probably the worst thing you can do with an emotional eater. He knows how he's feeling and how he looks. You have to wait for him to want to do it. If he's like most of us here though, he's unlikely to actually tell you.... I wouldn't tell DH, although I tell him everything else. It's something I have to deal with my way, I can't explain, I don't have the words today. On a major low, planning to investigate the no / low carbs route this week.

javotte Tue 28-Aug-12 09:41:54

Hi Shelly. I'm afraid there is nothing you can do. I am an emotional eater and it is my fault. DH is not responsible for my addiction. He once told me that he wasn't happy to see me slowly killing myself with food, but it didn't make me feel better or stop overeating.

DippyDoohdah Tue 28-Aug-12 09:22:54

Annie,I don't think am the best qualified to answer that..can someone else help? I did it for 9 days, felt great and lost 4lbs. Then went on a family holiday for a few days and it went to pot...kept the weight lids off tho grin. am getting back on it now though. I just had lots of protein so fish and salad, or steak mushroom and veg, sometimes had ham egg and tomato for breakfast, usually chicken salad for lunch with seeds and a dressing that I fancied...I did see that I was never hungry between meals so I felt a lot more in control. Freak like me, how are you doing and what are you eating? X

anniewoo Tue 28-Aug-12 01:27:43

Dippity what do you eat when you liow carb?

Shellywelly1973 Tue 28-Aug-12 00:59:33

Hi. I am so glad i found this thread.

My Dp is an emotional eater. Im really worried about him,he's 6'4 so hides the weight well. I know he was just under 20st 2years ago but much bigger now.

Once he starts eating,he can't stop. Mainly though i only see him eat,what i cook. If that's all he ate he would be losing weight.

Im really concerned about his health. He struggles do put his shoes on,his waist is '44. So any physical exercise is exhausting for him.

How's the best way to approach this with him&help.

Really appreciate any advice.

Thanks.

Sylvana Mon 27-Aug-12 21:57:33

I have lost 3 lbs in 13 days smile I feel so much better. I have been doing the carb free plan during the week and having some carbs at the weekend (limited to a slice of brown toast on Sat/Sun with my boiled egg and a couple of baby potatoes with Sunday dinner).

I went out at the weekend with friends to an Italian restaurant (not my choice). I thought I'd have a treat and had lasange with salad and garlic bread. I felt dreadful for the next 24 hours. I could really feel the affect of the refined carbs in my system.

I don't find this plan hard at all. When you are eating well, you feel so much better. Carbs are nothing but cheap, stodgy fillers that bloat you out. There is no going back for me.

springydaffs Mon 27-Aug-12 20:40:35

me too, for all my preaching blush

ah well, back on the wagon (or is it off? never quite sure about that phrase)

I am currently eating rice cakes with naice ham and gorgeous fresh tomato. rice cakes only because I'm not great with wheat and also because I just needed to cram get some wholesome food in on top of the crap .

Day at a time...

zookeeper Mon 27-Aug-12 20:31:17

terrible day today - have not stopped eating. Feel horrible. Back to the books I suppose sad

bacere Sun 26-Aug-12 15:57:10

Me two - have to go right now but will be back.

Middy86 Sun 26-Aug-12 15:50:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

delilahlilah Sun 26-Aug-12 15:21:37

Thanks Javotte and Springy. No chance of actually staying in bed with DCs around.
Too ashamed here too Javotte sad

springydaffs Sun 26-Aug-12 13:26:27

aw delilah <hug>

you could try OA - linked to find a meeting - see if you can find a meeting today? Or read the site. I find it helps enormously to be with people who know what it's like so you don't have to explain. It makes all the difference in the world xx

javotte Sun 26-Aug-12 12:45:45

[hugs] Delilah. I don't know what to say. No one in RL either, I'm too ashamed of myself.
Please please please don't stay in bed. Can you go for a short walk?

delilahlilah Sun 26-Aug-12 12:38:49

Oh dear... today is so not going to be a good day sad I think I have been worse lately anyway, as I have had a lot of emotional realisations and retrospectively, I can see they have rocked me more than I thought.
I don't have anyone to talk to in RL.... I can't face it. I think it's lacking the trust to have confidence in someone, especially for them to keep it to themselves.
I can't go the suggested route above, and avoid triggers because there isn't any one particular thing. I can take or leave sweet foods, so it isn't sugar.
I just want to stay in bed today and not see anyone.

springydaffs Sun 26-Aug-12 12:09:45

Skipping straight through to the end of the thread so apologies if this has been mentioned before but

This book , Why Can;t I Stop Eating? totally changed my life. Addresses food addiction; h-u-g-e relief to me to realise it is an addiction and, as such, the 'remedy' is abstinence from whichever foods are your trigger - in my case, sugar ie sugar addiction (and in most cases, tbh).

SO - if I eat sugar (or simple carbs) I'm lost. It's all or nothing, like an alcoholic with alcohol - if I start eating it I set up the craving and there is no 'stop' button. Interestingly, there is a theory that some part of alcoholism is actually addiction to the sugar in alcohol. I have alcoholics right back through my family line, both sides ie ma and pa.

I don't buy in sugar/sugary food because if I do, I'm lost. I've just had foreign students staying over the summer and managed to fob them off with fruit and yoghurt for pudding - though I don't buy the individual, sugary yoghurts but a big pot of natural yoghurt and add fruit, honey, nuts (though no honey for me). I know from experience that if I buy in puddings they don't last until the students get home for supper! Not a chance, actually. If I make a pudding (never buy them in), I make sure it is polished off because, even if I dont particularly like it, it will find it's way to my mouth when no-one's around...

I've been reading a lot about narcissism lately - I'm getting to the point, don't worry - and I recognised something: that narcissists look outside for validation/love/whatever, and I recognise that in my overeating: ie looking outside for the good stuff; not getting it, or not knowing how to get it, from within. does that make sense?

I also highly recommend OA if you are a compulsive overeater. Over a lot of years I have developed skills, techniques, knowledge about combatting food addiction and these have become second nature. I know what to avoid and I also don't get into that self-loathing thing because I know it is an addiction that I can't control iyswim, which is 9/10s of the battle imo. I can't control it but I can employ knowledge and techniques - and total abstinence.

I cook mostly from scratch because a lot of prepared foods have added sugar. I also try to pay for petrol at the pump to avoid the chocolate displays at the till. etc. That said, one of my foreign students was a sugar addict like me and had a carrier bag full of choc in his room. Did I touch it? NO <proud of self>. Mind you, if I had just had the one, I would have polished it all off and not been mindful of the massive boundary violation .

I'm not suggesting I'm perfect btw - I have my moments (just had a long moment, actually), but I climb straight back on once the splurge is over. aiming for no splurges, of course. I'll get there wink

huge post and apologies if I sound like a know-all blush I'm convincing myself

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