DH hates DM- how would you feel?

[shapoopio]

My DH hates my DM. He says she hates him. I don't think it's the case. He says she undermines him as a father. I have seen no evidence. He barely tolerates her and hardly speaks to her. It creates an atmosphere and I dislike it intensely. She lives a while away so he doesn't see her much.

On the other side, I am very good to his parents. I entertain them regularly, make them lunch, bite my tongue and say nothing when they visit for six hours and don't lift a finger apart from pissing off DC and boring me to tears. I think being polite is important. So I say nothing and smile.

DH doesn't bother hiding his feelings. He's even made DM cry before with his coldness.

I wonder if I can continue this relationship if he has such negative feelings towards my DM. Otherwise he's alright. A bit lazy and passive aggressive but not the worst.

Just a WWYD?

[CogitoErgOlympics]

Tell him to grow up. Whatever she is alleged to have done or not done, it is unacceptable behaviour to bully a woman to the point of tears. I worry that a man that will do that to his wife's mother has very nasty cruel streak. I would also worry that, by alienating your DM, he is trying to isolate you from the people that care about you.... so that he can be equally nasty to you.

Stick up for your DM.

[SirBoobAlot]

He's reduced her to tears before?? Tell him to get the hell over himself.

[Hassled]

Does he like any of your friends?

[CoteDAzur]

Good question from Hassled.

[shapoopio]

It is immature isn't it?

He made her cry because he ignored her.

He is indifferent to my friends. Never makes an effort IYSWIM?

When my best mate stayed over he had the hump a bit.

Again, With his friends, I always make an effort to be friendly. They are nice though so its no trouble.

[HighJumpingHissy]

How long have you been with this highly likely to be abusive even if you realise it yet 'D'H?

He sounds as if he is actively working to isolate you from all your friends and family.

Are you going to let him?

[Inadeeptrance]

Massive huge red flag, this. My ex made my mum cry and both my sisters. The sign of a complete twat in my opinion.

It doesn't matter whether he likes her or not, if he loves you he should be respectful and polite at the absolute least.

See the other thread about how men like this cut you off from friends and family.

[HighJumpingHissy]

don't realise

[shapoopio]

Out of interest, what are typical red flags...?

[CogitoErgOlympics]

Ironically, he's probably right when he says your DM doesn't like him. But it sound as though she has every reason not to. Have you ever asked her what she really thinks? I bet she's just waiting for you to say 'I'm leaving'.

[CogitoErgOlympics]

A 'typical red flag' for abuse is when the controlling partner deliberately isolates the other from friends and family. Getting rid of the support network makes it easier for them to dominate and behave badly. They know you have no back-up.

[shapoopio]

I will not let him do that. I stand up for myself. I see my friends and family when I like.

I am tempted to stop being so accommodating to the PILs because he makes no effort for me and my relatives. However I think that would be wrong and petty. Tempting though.

[dondon33]

What a selfish and ignorant arsehole.
Even if he didn't get along with your mum he should still make the effort and have enough common courtesy to be, at least, polite to her.
Making her cry = unforgivable IMO

You could stop doing so much for his parents and friends but why should they be made to suffer? THEY haven't done anything wrong.

[HighJumpingHissy]

You do know that MOST couples *don't live like you do, don't you?

You shouldn't need to stand up for yourself.

What IS so wrong with your mother that he HATES her? is that a fair stance for him to take?

Tell him to pack it in, or pack and get out. You WOULD be happier with just about anyone else other than this guy.

You are worth more than this existence.

[shapoopio]

Yeah I think I will.
I have PLEADED with him in the past to be nicer to her but he can't. When she is here he goes out boozing. It's all about him and his family. Always is. I don't want his family.

I think I'll be happier just DC and I.

Plus he snores

[CogitoErgOlympics]

Your mum will be thrilled.

[shapoopio]

I don't think she will you know.
This will devastate me. Even though I know it's right. :(

[HighJumpingHissy]

I know you will!

Don't bother pleading, he is fundamentally NOT a nice bloke, he is not the kind you can be proud of, and show off to your family, friends etc, you must live on tenterhooks all the time you are with your mum or other people you love.

That is a SHIT life, trust me, and he will only get worse. Eventually you WILL end up isolated from your friends and family, he knows that.

You can do this love!

[HighJumpingHissy]

It won't devastate you. TRUST ME! It will hurt to begin with, but it will be the MAKING of you!

[shapoopio]

Why do I always pick shit men. The last one called me a slut at our wedding reception, the one before that fucked my cousin and now this.
Only this is more complicated as we have a child.
I think I'll be single for a while.

[Aussiebean]

My DF does not like one of my best friends. She has been someone who has supported me through some tough times and I love her to bits. But he doesn't like her. He has told them to me and it is just a personality clash.

But he has never once been rude to her, not made her feel unwelcome and never made her cry. She would never know. We live in different cities and recently she and her husband have been going through a REALLY bad time. He has offered for her to come and stay if she needs a break. Checked flights incase I decided to fly over and support her and offered to pay her flights over if she couldn't do it.

And this is for a girl he doesn't particularly like.

While your husband may not have to be as good as that. Your mum should not know he dislikes her.

Not only is he disrespecting her, he is ultimately disrespect you and your feelings.

[izzyizin]

He snores??!! Leave the bastard

This is third thread I've observed you make inappropriate ill-considered responses Kallisti.

Why not try your skills on AIBU as you appear to be wasted here - in more ways than one.

[futureunknown]

Kallisti are you some bored bloke on an oil rig somewhere? If you are going to comment please be helpful rather than making sweeping nasty generalisations and insulting the OP.