I just wrote all this out and it didn't post, so pls bare with me.
Been very happily married to dh nearly 4 years. We've always had a as close to perfect relationship as pos. Always talking things thro when things rarely arose, spending lots of time together, as well as having our own personal moments. Our dd was a surprise, arriving a year before we were hoping to start trying. (yet now hubby us saying he never really thought he would have kids. :$ )
Hubby found it very difficult In the early days. A massive interruption! Not bring easy to stick to timings etc or leave the house when he wants to. I had c section as well so hecwas needed alot. Anyway things are much easier now with dd, but we've been arguing alot recently. Him always asking if I'm ok and what's going on. I am sooo happy. I love spending time with my dd, have discovered proper home cooking, and I'm a hairdresser and have continued to do home hair since she was 6 weeks, so have been lucky enough to make my own money.
Anyway, we has a conversation last nite about our holiday end of July to Devon. And he said it's going to be really different, not being able to go to the pub for a few drinks in the evening. I find comments like that hurtful, as I think of it more as all the lovely things we can show her etc. He asked what was wrong and it blew up in a massive barney (in front of our dd which I hate!)
Afterwards I realised we just don't have the same interests anymore. My dd is mine, and hubby, although he loves and adores her, had enough after half hour, and doesn't even have bath time with her like he used to. This doesn't bother me as I love doing it. Just he is missing out. And by the time she's I bed and the bottles are sorted, I'm lucky if ive got an hour to sit and watch (some junk he's got on the) tele. I've never dropped him from doing anything. His life has continued as it was, jetskiing, mountaining biking etc. And we do on occasion, Go out and dd sleeps in her pram until she wakes and gets fretful, then i feel guilty and dont want to do it again for a while.
I have also found some of his imperfections intolerable since our dd arrival. Like shouting 'fing c*#t' and every thing that gets on his nerves, be it the laptop, the door or kitchen utensils. Suddenly all this stuff gets to me cos i don't want our dd to be exposed to such language.
I guess what I'm asking is how do we find stuff in common again?! Obviously in his eyes it's my fault cos I'm the one that's 'changed' as hes the same. How do I make myself find his stories of idiotic colleagues and how he's going to go about painting his bike interesting?!
I'm hoping when I go back to work for a few days end of June, things will calm down. Nut hubby has got a week off over the jubilee, and I don't know how were gonna tolerate each other. I feel like he hates me, and I can't really see what I'm doing wrong, other than trying to give our dd the best. Pls help!! Xxxx
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Relationships
Help!... How do we find common ground again after arrival of dd 8 months
Mjtay · 22/05/2012 10:14
You don't stop being a couple once you have a child.
I'm not saying it's ok for him to be like this. He's being an arse 
but remember that the reason you have a child is that you fell in love with a man and wanted a family with him.
That man is still there. Somewhere. Inside Arseface. Hopefully. If he's willing to grow up and stop being jealous of a baby, and you're willing to see that you can be a mum and be in a relationship and they are both equally important, and you still love each other - you can get through this.
did I mention he's being an arse? 
He does take her out if I'm doing hair on a Saturday. Normally to his parents tho so he has back up!
Yeah I do do everything. I always have to rewash the bottles cos he just dunks them, and I don't Like to nag him so I just get on with it. He says he feels Like I watch his every move with her and thinking he's doing it wrong!! I've told him 100 times that that's all in his head, I love watching them together. And they do have a bond, she kicks and gets so excited when he gets home xxx
he sounds like a selfish big kid who resents his child tbh. you're not doing anything wrong - you're being a mum and not revolving the whole universe around him (though it sounds like you've taken on all the responsibility and there has been minimal impact on his life he still is resentful at not being the be all and end all in your life).
my advice i'm afraid would be of the 'leave the bastard' variety i know that's not what you're after. but seriously he needs to step up. you will resent him more and more for acting like a spoilt teenager and refusing to be a parent and if he continues as he is you'll end up knowing you and your child would be better off without him. because realistically you love your child and you're not going to want them around someone who screams cunt at inanimate objects and treats them as if they are totally unimportant to them. a good mum just won't be able to live with that.
but only he can change. i hope for your sake, and your child's, that he does.
Thanks swallowedafly. Nice to hear that I'm not being unreasonable! I most definately do not want our relationship to end, and at the moment is not an option. But u are right about how I'm feeling with his anger. He's always been like it, and had previously Been ignored. But he came in the other day and I passed her to him, went to close the door behind him and he stepped back so I banged the door on his head. He shouted and slammed the door and dd cried! 
. He didn't understand why she was crying and was more bothered by the fact he couldn't fix the door lock he had broken!! Xx
I think you sound lovely and I get a feeling that you "rescue" a bit, which means, if your DH should be dealing with the baby and she is crying you will step in and take over.
You need to let him be a Dad and I don't mean that he gets to take your daughter to his parents on a Saturday.
Just go out in the evening, even if it is just for a walk, if you aren't there you can't rescue. The most telling line for me was First time I did go out, and then had to come home cos she was crying like I've never heard before.
The question would be how did you hear her? Because he rang you. When she was crying in the early days did you ring him and ask him to come home because your daughter was crying? I bet your didn't
He needs to be given the opportunity to be the Dad to figure out what the crying means she wants. If you are constantly there or coming home to help him he will feel like only you can settle her.
Once he gets more confident, it will be better all round, you will be happier not to be doing everything, and then you two can spend some time together whilst your daughter is left with someone else.
Also instead of watching tat on the tv go to bed, you will feel better for that extra hour. Even now, and my boys are 9 and 6, at 8pm me and DH will go to bed. That extra sleep is bliss.
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Sugar... He is always battling with is own self esteem. When we argue to the point he breaks down, it always comes out that it's because he's not happy with himself. But I always try to avoid words like selfish as that broke his last relationship down, and dont like him thinking ours is going the same way. No, not gone to dr. Maybe that's the way forward.
Fizzy and Oxford.... I may not of painted the perfect picture of hubby in my op. When he's with her, he's fantastic with her. He adores her, as does she him. But he has admitted that he's so tired at the mo, he dreads me asking him to bath her. He said last night when we were talking that how can he love someone so much yet be such an inconvenience. I know he wouldn't trade her for the world.
The spare wheel thing Is exactly what's going on here. He feels Like it's me and dd and then him. But hopefully if he starts getting a big more involved, it should help all round. He'll get a better relationship with dd and I'll get more time to give him the attention he's craving!!!!
Talking to a friend this avo, and she recommended a couples councillor. She saved their relationship. Maybe that would help xxxx
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