How badly should you want to jump someone when you start dating them?

[toptramp]

I have started dating a lovely man; he likes me and I like him ; as a person. He is very attractive and I do find him attractive BUT I do not get that despearte to rip his clothes off, butterflies feeling that I feel I should be getting. We hold hands and hug and there is a vibe. Today he kissed my neck but we were in public. When we said gooodbye I went for a snog but it was not reciprocated. There is a spark but I don't know if it's enough.
I have a few doubts; first I have a crush on someone at work who is a bad idea and not interested but I still have this crush as I see him all the time, second my date lives far away and we both feel it is an issue but otherwise he's a lovely, lovely man. Am I being shallow in thinking there should be that wanting to rip each other's clothes off feeling going on?

[toptramp]

I am really annoyed with myself because I seem to have crushes on anavailiable bad boys but if anyone genuinely likes me I am not that interested. I am upset I am like this.

[BettyPerske]

I don't know. All I know is I'm seeing someone at the moment who you might describe as a 'bad boy', and I want to rip his clothes off all the time.



You could keep seeing him and see if it grows, iyswim? It might do. I wonder where that spark thing comes from, it's pretty bizarre to have it for some people and not others, isn't it. I wonder what makes us fancy someone whatever their character is like.

[toptramp]

But Betty that's the problem ..... I like bad boys and this man just isn't bad boy enough for me. But that's crap isn't it? I should be with someone who is a nice guy surely? How is your boy a bad boy?

[toptramp]

My ideal man would be someone I want to fuck big time but who is also nice. This one is a bit into woo which has put me off a bit. My crush is just very aloof and not at all flirty which isn't great either is it?

[toptramp]

If he had snogged me properly I might be more up for it.

[BettyPerske]

No, neither sounds ideal.

Mine is, well, about as much of a geezer as you could imagine and then some, but he is sweet, kind and lovely as well (to me at any rate).

I dunno...I think the woo man sounds terrible and uptight. Often I find if I don't fancy someone physically, it's because something in their character is a right blooming turn off and it's my body's way of telling me they are a bad bet. iyswim.

Don't date someone who turns you off...there are nice, sexy men out there, there really are. I did wait about a million years to find this one and he's not even 'good' but there you go...it's a learning curve.

I wouldn't bother going further with someone who turns you off like that.

[BettyPerske]

by good I mean the 'nice', meet your parents type...iykwim.

Sounds like he isn't really up for it either though, so should be easy to lose him!

[toptramp]

I don't know what it is because last week on our first date it went so well. I've been out with men who are into woo before but they were wierd and I think that's what worries me but then I am wierd which is why I'm still single.

[BettyPerske]

Lol I think you're putting yourself down. You can be into something in different ways.

I think the spark is pretty critical, I really do...if it isn't a physical, shirt ripping spark then it should be a mental spark, something that makes you want this person in your life, want to find out about them, want them around you, want them to like/love/fancy you.

If it's not any of those then let it slide I think. When you least expect it along will come someone you actually NEED in your life in some way. It's brilliant when it happens.

[toptramp]

The stupid thing is if I didn't have this stupid crush then i'd probably have the spark with the new guy. blah.

[izzyizin]

if I didn't have this stupid crush then i'd probably have the spark with the new guy

Sounds as if it's time to ask yourself why you're your own worst enemy.

Btw, get over the 'crush' - it's going nowhere and if it did, you'd likely live to regret it.

[hisgentletouch]

izzy, how do you get over a crush? seriously, it's hard without finding a new 'fancy'.
OP, I found someone 'good' AND who I fancy a lot, but lo and behold, he's seems out of bounds due to his medic position as has been beaten into me by MN medics - do I also have to see him just as crush?! life is frustrating. izzy - would you risk it with your doctor/dentist, being so worldly I'd like your advice. I just hate unresolved crushes that eat away at you (gives up)

[RubyFakeNails]

why don't you actually rip his clothes off, might be really good and mean you start wanting to rip his clothes off.

On the other hand could be shite and wrap the whole thing up quite nicely. This is what I'd do, but I'm quite the hussy not the best at deciding proper relationships behaviour, Dh despairs of me.

[izzyizin]

You're letting your current crush get in the way of future prospects.

It's easy to get over a crush - just imagine them ironing their superman or other naff slogan underpants and wearing their socks in bed or, worse, keeping their socks up with suspenders and never flossing not even after cunnilingus

Seriously, it's highly probable that your crush is either spoken for/complete twat/useless in bed/lousy kisser/mummy's boy .

[izzyizin]

Risk it with my doctor/dentist? Both of them have got the chairs for it and, if I fancied them, I'd take no prisoners after I'd knocked out their nurses

It's probably just as well I don't fancy either of them otherwise I'd be up on a charge in relation to one or both of their nurses

If you're serious about your medic, simply take yourself off his books, wait a decent interval, and start stalking him

[hisgentletouch]

you mean, the answer is to be cynical - hmm, a bit unfair if it's not the case (imagined turn off) but yes it can work, keeping your rosetinted specs firmly off.

[hisgentletouch]

izzy - thank you! (food for thought).
The nurse has been a problem, always shileding him there, no freedom of speech/flirting! I did manage subtle show of interest, think he noticed . I wish I was as direct as you are though. I'm quite confident with men and good at eye contact, but just not verbally brave(bugger). It looks like medics are so scared to put a foot wrong that they need it spelled out, but what you suggested may work.
Sorry Op, just a teeny hijack!

[izzyizin]

Cynical, moi, hgt? I prefer 'realistic'

[hisgentletouch]

there are always two extreme ends to each concept!

[izzyizin]

Dentists' chairs are notorious for revealing both ends hgt

[FreakoidOrganisoid]

I've been dating someone who I didn't initially fancy, thought there was no spark etc. That all changed on Friday I also thought he was "too nice", but I've seen a more wicked side to him now!

[izzyizin]

There's nothing quite so delicious as exploring previously unsuspected hidden depths

Good for you, Freaky - did you engineer an up close and personal make the first move or did he take you entirely by surprise?

[hisgentletouch]

izzy - shocking!

[toptramp]

Theseconcoming; I kinda get where you are coming from but tbh one of the best things about being single is having the freedom to explore the dating scene around surely? I am a sexual being and I need to get my oats somehow. Also nowt wrong with having a crush either. It's human nature. I did embrace being single for a while but now I'd quite fancy some regular sex. Not suer I'm a casual sex kinda girl and toys don't cut it.

I'm going to keep it casual for a while. He wanted to buy insense which was a turn off but there are other things which I really like!