Sorry for the namechange but I frequent certain sections of mn and don't want this to follow me around for the next few months! So basically a few weeks ago DP lets on that an old school friend had added him to his facebook friends list. I wasn't really that interested but smiled and nodded in the right places and forgot about it! Then by accident I saw that they'd been private messaging. Never got to see the content, just a hotmail message saying "you have a new private message from ** on facebook" etc. I didn't think too much of it but wondered why he never mentioned that they'd been chatting. Still, I let it go.
Then we got into a conversation when I thought I'd slip it in "so, hows things with **?" He pretended to not know what I was on about so I said "the girl you were chatting to on facebook, the girl you knew from school, how is she?" and he replied - quite nervously "oh! her! no idea, don't care to be honest! hehe" 
I said "oh thought you were friends" so he said "nah I hardly know her". I said "so you've not spoken to her at all then, not by private message or anything?" and he said "nope! not at all!" in a rather OTT defensive fashion.
So by this point I know he's lying. But why? So I get into his hotmail account and read a number of private messages between them. Starting off with "hi, how are you, long time no see" etc etc and eventually getting to "so what are you upto these days?"
DP told her he was divorced (true) but did not mention me at all. He said where he was working etc but no mention of the fact that he was in a relationship, even when she pressed on the divorce thing, he STILL didn't mention me. The messages then went to things like "remember when we used to go together? remember this? remember that? etc etc.... all it needed was a "lets meet up for all times sake"!!!
So I asked him again, "did you say you hadn't spoken to that girl on facebook by private message?" he said "no, why? I told you I hardly know her".
Then one night I'd just got out of the shower and came in the living room. DP simply closed down the laptop and sat there looking wierd and unnatural.
I later checked his hotmail messages again and there was one from her saying "what happened then? you just disapeared! did I upset you asking about the divorce? hope not, sorry ... please come back 
" and he replied with "course you didn't upset me, silly sausage, my laptop crashed"
So he closed down the laptop quickly when I walked in the room because he was chatting to her? if its all so innocent, what's he panicking over?
I watched a few more messages back and forth and it was getting to the point I believe where they were going to suggest meeting up and he'd still not mentioned me. So I came clean, told him I knew about the messages and asked why he lied to me. He denied it all, even when faced with the evidence but eventually admitted the private messages and said he lied because he "knew I'd act like this" if I found out, even though it was innocent.
He then sent her a message telling her all about me, she sent a half hearted message back (not nearly as in depth as her previous ones) and he never replied to it.
So, how would you react in this conversation?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
DP. Facebook. Woman. Lying. Need I go on?
SnotRagWoman · 21/12/2010 14:01
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Well it doesn't surprise me that there's a history of lying about other things, but it's pretty obvious that had you not intervened, this would have led to a meeting. I also agree that it takes an especially horrible individual to mess with the emotions of someone who's ill, but that said, I'm puzzled why she didn't ask him at any point whether he was in a relationship? I do think that some people avoid asking that direct question, to absolve themselves of responsibility, if it turns out they are having an affair with an attached person.
He is clearly someone who will lie even when the proof is incontrovertible and then claim that he was "forced to" because of your jealousy.
Can I also add to his list of faults, stupidity? Anyone who was given that many chances to come clean - and still had no suspicions that you were checking his messages is not the sharpest knife in the drawer, is he? I expect you'll say he is arrogant too. So sorry, but cut your losses with this one.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.