How often does your OH stay out at night because he wishes to have a drink

[namechanged3]

Hi everyone

I would like to know how often does the man in your life go out drinking and then stay out because he cannot drive home.

My DH called today from work saying that because of the very hectic and successful month they had that everyone at work will be going out for drinks. He then mentioned that he will be staying at one of the guy?s houses because he obviously cannot drive home.

I would not have had a problem and the only reason why I am posting is to get honest feedback to find out if this is normal. DH and I had massive problems a year ago; we ended up separating and all because of some drug abuse leading to erratic behaviour. He would then always end up calling last minute saying that he is going out straight after work and should be back the next day. But then turn up almost 3pm on his very few days off. He works every weekend, with an alternate Sunday off and it would always happen on the Sunday that he had an off day. It got to the point where I never knew what time he was coming home and we have an almost 3 year old who back then was at an age where she used to look forward to daddy coming home and him not coming. To cut a long story short we went through a lot and we came through smiling and our marriage is stronger than ever.

I am just worried that this might be the start of something and would rather nip it in the bud now then struggle a few months later because I do not think me or him would want to be back to that dark side of what our marriage was before.


I have no problem showing this thread to him in order for him to realise as a married guy with a toddler and another baby on the way it is just not the thing to do.

His colleagues are all young salesman. He is 30 years old and the few that are his age does not have the responsibilities that he's got.

Can someone please tell me if its okay to occasionally stay away from home because you want to drink. I do not drink have never in my life and therefore need to here from people that can tell me that I am being a bit harsh or that I am reasonable in my request to ask him not to stay out.

Many thanks

[lal123]

never has. If he is out and gets drunk then he gets a taxi home.

[namechanged3]

Thanks lal23 that is what I told him to do as well but he said to pay £40 for a taxi is just way too expensive.

But I am sure if I was drinking as a mum that is what I would have done instead of staying the whole night away.

[PatriciaHolm]

Never, but then he does drive to work. He's never too drink to get a train or cab.

[PatriciaHolm]

Doesn't drive I mean! Flipping iPad keyboard....

[lal123]

How would he feel if it was the other way round? I don't think I'd have a problem if it was a one-off - but if it was a regular thing then he needs to drink closer to home

[IDoAllMyOwnStunts]

Now, I do stop out at friends houses very occasionally if we are going out and too far/expensive to get taxi home. But I am always back for 10.30/11am next day and this is reserved for Special occasions once/twice a year thing maybe.

DH on the other hand always manages to get home (don't think he relishes a night away like I do!)

[CrispyTheCrisp]

DH about once a month, me about once a month. BUT always prearranged and staying with friends, not just random after work drinks

[namechanged3]

He said he will be here early in the morning and I am not really worried about that. Like I said my main problem is because it was something that happened quite often a year ago I just do not want it happening again unless it is a pre-arranged important work thing.

[MadAboutQuavers]

Never

I wouldn't be happy with this tbh

Does he behave like a single man in other ways?

[Giddyup]

I wouldn't have a problem if DP did this, it hasn't happened for ages because he works away the majority of the time so when he gets a day off its hard to get him out of the house! He wouldn't care if I stayed out either.

However, I can totally see why, with your partners history you are worried. I guess all you can do is wait and see if he is true to his word. Will you be able to tell if he has been on drugs rather than drinking?

[loopyloops]

Only if prearranged, and maybe about once every three or months.

Usually we have friends here so I can drink too, but the neighbours aren't really fans of that arrangement!

[justwaitaminute]

My dp always stays out if he goes out because all of his friends live half an hour drive away in both directions and a taxi would be expensive, its always pre planned (although sometimes only by a couple of hours) and he is usually back by mid morning, this happens a couple of times a month, depending on which town they are going out in, friends from the other town stay over as well and some of them have wifes and girlfriends, they all think its normal (the men that is) I'm not sure, it does annoy me a bit but then all my friends live near me

Having said that my friend always stays over my house when we go out and she lives a £10 taxi ride away.

[mamatomany]

I once got ratted in town and had to spend £40 on a taxi home because the idea of staying out when you are a parent is incomprehensible even if it means you are eating bread and water for the week as a result of your own stupidity of needing the £40 taxi you still come home.

[WriterofDreams]

Never, but then DH isn't a big drinker and usually socialises with me rather than on his own. But, he is away for the weekend at the moment so it's not like he never gets away, it's just pre-planned and I know when he'll be back. I suppose it's not a question of what's normal it's more a question of what you're comfortable with. If you had such serious issues before that you split up that I think your DH should be making an extra effort to ensure you're not worried and to prove to you that he won't let you down again. Have you told him about your worries? Simply talking to him might make you feel better.

[Icoulddoitbetter]

Never though DH never goes anywhere that he couldn't get a bus / train home from.

If he did for any reason I'd be very very pissed off, unless it was completely prearranged. I'd feel like that even if we didn't have DS too.

But I'm pretty strict

[thelunar66]

About once a month on average. But then so do I.

Sometimes we stay away TWO whole nights!

[nameymcnamechange]

Only once or twice in 19 years together. And those would be for special occasions, pre-arranged. He stayed overnight once at his colleague's house after their office Christmas party because it was held on the other side of London and would have cost about £40/£50 to get a taxi home, if he could have found one to take him. But it wasn't a spur of the moment arrangement.

[AnnieLobeseder]

Never. Not once.

If he did do it, and it was planned in advance, I would be OK with it a couple of times a year.

If he called me at say, 8pm, to tell me he was out on the lash and too drunk to get home, we would have very serious discussions when he did crawl home.

Although I do wish he had a slightly better social life than he does.

[minxofmancunia]

I would rather dh stayed out all night if he's going on a big night out. i hate being disturbed at night and i hate him grumping around the next day because he;s hungover. However he never does he always comes home. Now he sleeps separately rather than waking me up.

I have no problem with this as it's only once a month or so. i like to stay out all night and would do more often of the opportunity arose.

[CakeandRoses]

Never. I'd be very annoyed if he did. It's just a piss-take when you've got children tbh.

I'd be pretty fed up with just the after work drinks themselves actually as I'd be expecting him home to help with the DCs and then spend the evening together.

I'm fine with pre-arranged nights out tho (we both do that once a week/fortnight) and I'm also cool with pre-arranged nights or weekends away a few times a year.

Good luck with sorting it out.

[SixtyFootDoll]

Now and again if he is going out ad it iss cheaper to stay at a freinds then get a taxi, but then I woud do the same

[LyraSilvertongue]

As a one-off, I can't see it as a problem. If it was a regular thing eg more than once a month, it might be a different story. If there's not public transport, it makes sense for him to stay at someone's house rather than be tempted to drive home after a few drinks.

[expatinscotland]

Sorry, but in light of what you very recently went through, I do not think this is normal.

I never did this, even when I worked FT and there were works do's. I was the only one with young children, too.

I got a taxi home.

DH has never done this, either.

[ItsGraceAgain]

NOOO!!! During my two (abusive, dishonest) marriages we were ALL out drinking a helluva lot but we still got a train home or, if missed the train / passed out & slept to the end of the line, a taxi. Exceptions about twice a year, for awards nights that were massively large & the company paid for hotels.

If you can afford to celebrate that much, you can afford a cab. I'm sorry, he's lying about something.

[Footlong]

I agree with the others, never. I wouldnt want my wife doing it, and I wouldnt do it to her.