does this reeeaaaaaalllllyyyy annoy other ppl too????

[sotiredcantthink]

Its prob me im prob weird or something, but i totally cant take it when WH (wanker H) checks out other girls or watches sex on tv. I get really really really annoyed so much that i dont wanna talk to him i dont wanna look at him i dont even wanna sleep with him. We do have trust issues he doesnt trust me AT ALL ie cant even take the bins out on bin day incase i am chatting up the neighbours, i think hes so insecure cz his last wife cheated on him and cz im a lot younger than him?? ( Id NEVER be unfaithful, id sooner end the relationship. )
Back to the main point if i am so untrust worthy and i have live according to his trust issues (basically imprison myself incase i start humping the first bloke i see) then y is he allowed to be hypocritical and check out girls etc? Things he shouts at me for (i sound like a teenager) he does himself! Its so annoying it drives me crazy, he goes through my phones/ emails etc yet his own have a string of girls names who he says he doesnt have contact with (in which case y is he keepin them)??? Iv had enough. But i cant leave him.

Just wanted to rant i suppose feel like crap, God MN is so good can let off steam!!!!!!

Another thing wanted to rant abt (mite aswel do it all at once) is that due to our ongoing 5yr issues i dont want to sleep with him, even if im in the mood i stop myself cz i know our relationship is never gonna change. For example, As hes an insomniac he stays awake all night 'watching tv' hes slept next to me in the same bed abt 5 times in the last 2 yrs. N since the first wk of marriage he stays downstairs all night cz he cant sleep. When he wants sex hel roll on me for ten mins and then gets up and goes back to his tv. Aaaaaarrrrrggggghhhhhhhhh

[ssflower]

Just out of interest why cant you leave him?

[ElephantsAndMiasmas]

god it sounds like you'd be better off with a flatmate who would at least have time to chat and not bore you with their TV obsession.

why are you with him? don't you think life on your own or with someone a bit more, i don't know, normal, would be more fun?

BTW watching porn and jealousy are just two ways of keeping you in your place.

[MmeLindt]

Why can you not leave him? What are you getting out of the marriage?

Do you have children with him?

[sotiredcantthink]

Yep cant leave him 3 kids and iv not obv explained everything theres more, but the kids reallly need him i feel terrible absolutely terrible for saying this but sometimes i even think of leaving them all with him because theres no way hed let me leav with the kids (i no id never actually leav the kids with him n go) but its so bad i think its not good for them either and i should just leave. Im not making any sense am i

[Anniegetyourgun]

It's not really insecurity. It's about possession. You're "his turf", he doesn't want another man encroaching, and he sure as hell doesn't want you to see what normal people behave like in case you start comparing and realise he's weird. Sympathy for his "trust issues" is a third way of keeping you in your place.

I wonder whether his last wife really cheated on him, or whether she ran off, whether with another man or not, because she had had enough of being locked up, shouted at and ignored in favour of telly porn - you think?

Have you heard about projection? That's where someone accuses you of certain behaviour because it's what they're doing, so they assume you'd do the same. Very likely he knows a lot of girls who do sleep around because he's been with them himself. But if you can't leave the house or talk to his friends you'll never find out, will you?

Frankly, my dear, I'd run away. Sure he'll tell everyone that you cheated on him too, but that's his problem. If he's great in all other ways, though (and he would have to be really, really great), the best thing to do is refuse to play his game. You are entitled to go out when you please, and if he can't trust you not to chat up the milkman, that is his problem.

[AnyFucker]

Goodness me, do people really live like this ?

You are a prisoner in your home due to his insane jealousy. Actually, I am not sure if it is true jealousy as such, it is more like "morbid possession"

Why do the kids "need" an unhinged father figure like him ???...his behaviour towards you will be damaging to them in so many ways

You really must take steps to leave this relationship and I suggest you start gathering help and support in real life to enable this. Women's Aid would be a good place to start as you say he "will never let you leave" which implies violence.

[foureleven]

Sorry, I still dont get why you cant leave?

[GypsyMoth]

this is not normal and actually,you are doing your children a huge dis service by staying with him.

they will grow up thinking this behaviour is normal....is that what you want? you need to get out

you know its not going to change

[moocowme]

omg it sounds like you are married to my ex DH. who turned out to not just be a serial sex addict but a pedophile. i was so happy when he finally left after threatening it several times.

what you say is exactly the way he was. he had a totally secret seperate life until i investigated it a bit more.

if you dont want to leave then do what you can to get whatever help you can, readong, counselling etc.

[foureleven]

moocowme that is.. horrific.

[babymutha]

you call him WH, but you can't leave. Life is not supposed to be the way you describe it. His double standards and control issues are totally f'd up and could escalate making life worse of more dangerous for you and your kids. For a chance to get some perspective on your situation why don't you give women's aid 0808 2000 247 a call.

His 'trust' issues are more about controlling you, and his porn/girl issues are about his freedom to do what he likes without having to respect you - THIS IS NOT GOOD, for you or your kids. You deserve to be trusted and respected and your kids deserve to grow up seeing that or they'll think all relationships are like that. You don't want your sons growing up doing that to other women, or your daughters thinking that it's ok to be treated like that. Please - make the call, you don't deserve to be treated like that, and neither do your kids.

[AnyFucker]

fucking hell, moo

did you have dc with this creature ?

[booyhoo]

sorry, but you can always leave. it mightn't be easy or be on the terms you would like but you can leave.

for someone to not allow you out of your house to take a bin out is very controlling behaviour, no wonder you think you cant leave it is because you know you wouldn't be permitted to leave. but really you are in a horrible situation. you don't have free will. you are being treated like an animal that needs it's owner to decide where you go and what you do.

you deserve better and your children deserve to see how a real relationship should be. you need to step up and take responsibility for teaching them.

[moocowme]

hell no. i thought i would be childless for life but at least he left and i changed all the locks. much happier and free to do things in new life and relationships.

your life would probably be much better without him, trust me.

if you want to continue in the relationship you must have help and support. you cant battle this type of personality on your own.

[cestlavielife]

no the children dont need him - not like this.

they need to ahve the chance to build a safe and happy relationship with their dad, but by seeing you downtrodden and controlled they learning nothing positive about relationships for when they grow up.
call womens aid, go see a counsellor and make a plan.

[tortoiseonthehalfshell]

OP, what would happen if you stopped living according to his trust issues, and took back a life for yourself? Went out every now and then without him, with friends?

[AnyFucker]

thank christ for that, moo

[ElephantsAndMiasmas]

You think that things are so bad at home that your kids are being affected too - you can bet they are. Kids always see more than their parents think. They will have seen some of what he's watching, heard him shouting, be aware that their mum is not allowed out like an adult on her own. This is cruel and abusive behaviour. What right does he have to stop you from leading an independent life?

Do you have a job?

I agree to talk to women's aid, or at least have a look at their website. You might not think you need it because you don't have (or don't mention) a black eye or a broken arm, but he must be holding something over you to keep you scared. What is it?

[AnyFucker]

perhaps OP hasn't broken any of his "rules" yet ?

OP...is he physically abusive towards you ?

[moocowme]

any bet he would be if you stood up to him enough. this is why you need support and you need help challenging his behavoiur.

i had a plate chucked at me (but missed) by exH because i did not clean up quicly enough after having lunch, he had come home early while i was taking time out and watching daytime tv (such sinful behavoiur)

FB its ok it was years ago and I have recovered very well from the shock of it all. life is soooooooo much better now.

[Lulumaam]

wow !! you aren't allowed to take the bins out

the other night i was getting ready to go you, DH was at the sink with his back to me and he said, 'I've decided I don't want you to go out tonight, you should be in with the kids, washing up, not me...' but we were both snorting with laughter before he'd finished the sentence! we're adults. we can go out. we can talk to other people. if i thought he seriously meant that , i'd be looking for an exit strategy.

it is more than annoying what your H is doing. it's abusive. it's controlling. it's unbearable

you need to find a way to leave.

he's most likely cheating too if he has all these other phone numbers and gilrs names.

but trying to deflect attnetion by making you his property and keeping you in your place so you don't question him

[MathsMadMummy]

you CAN leave and you absolutely must.

you might feel that you have to stay for the sake of the kids, but honestly if the relationship is as you say, you are doing them no favours. it will be bad for them, not just you.

do you really think it's ok for your kids to grow up with him as a role model? controlling their mum like this, making her miserable?

kick him out, for all your sakes

[AnyFucker]

yes, foot

I think that is clear

but maybe half the time it will ??

or someone who is only lurking will gain some strength from recognising that their own situation is very far from normal

or sometimes people have to be told the same thing a million times for it to sink in ?

I dunno

I find it frustrating too, and get into trouble for being too harsh sometimes (on here, and in RL)

sometimes things need to be said, out in the open, and maybe one day a light will come on