House in dp's name (long)

[Namechanger98765]

A bit of back story: dp and I have been together around 5 years. Very committed but as yet no dcs and not married (partly due to his health problems). He has recently lost his job (due to the health problems) and had a big payout so "we" have decided to buy a house. It would be bought outright with his money (i only have about 20 grand savings) but a lot of my salary would inevitably be spent on decoration, new kitchen etc)

We had a conversation last night for the first time about whose name the house would be in and he says just his. I really don't know what to think about this. On the one hand it is obviously his money and because of his health he is very dependent on this money for his own financial security in the event of a split. On the other hand I will be putting in a lot of my time and money into our home and there would be no way to get that back if we split.

If im honest a lot of the hurt i feel is down to how unromantic it seems. I don't support him financially but in the last few years I feel like I have given him enormous emotional and practical support through his illness. I had a vision that this would be "our" home and now I feel like I'll just be a lodger.

I hope the above made sense. I'd be really grateful if anyone could help give some perspective on this.

Thanks x

[TeacupDrama]

You can have a legal document drawn up so not 50/50 split as I do understand in his circumstances he has to protect that money as unlikely to be more coming in, ask about say 70/30 or 75/25 split in shares.

I Pam not sure why I'll health would stop a marriage, obviously there are many good reasons why a couple may decide not to marry

[Brandysnapper]

Am a bit that you consider 20,000 to be not a lot of savings!
You certainly don't want to be putting new kitchens etc into a house that isn't yours. Does he want you to pay rent? I agree you can get something legal drawn up that falls short of a 50:50 split. Who is stalling on the wedding?

[peggyundercrackers]

I can understand why he wants the house in his name only tbh. you don't say how much the house will be and how big a proportion your 20k will be compared to that. when its bought you can sign a form to say how the house would be split - cant remember the name of the form now but its quite a common thing to sign nowadays.

[Namechanger98765]

He is stalling but it is fairly reasonable I think. He has CFS and his health is very fragile. Stressful events (even family Christmases etc) can cause a flare and make him ill for a very long time.

[Brandysnapper]

Will he be contributing to bills etc, through his payout or perhaps benefits he's entitled to? I'm just thinking you might end up (over years) making as big a contribution as the house is.

[Phineyj]

You need to see a solicitor and find out about a tenants in common agreement, to spell out who has out in what and what would be owed to each of you in the event of a split.

[NoArmaniNoPunani]

Are you intending to put your 20k into his property? Can you invest it elsewhere instead? After 5 years together I would really be questioning this relationship.

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

Lots of options
In the event of a split you could each protect the cash amount you brought to the purchase and that's what you take away. Any profits from increased value to be split equally or by a percentage depending on who pays the bulk of the bills.
Alternatively, keep your 20k, don't invest in the house and only contribute to bills you would have if you were renting.

[BathtimeFunkster]

If he is buying a house outright with money from a payout related to his health, then it must be in his name only.

That money is his security and he needs it protected for his needs alone.

You shouldn't put your money into the house. It will be his house, so it won't be up to you to improve or maintain it.

It would be fair, while you are unmarried and have no children, to pay him some kind of rent-type contribution towards living there, which he could put towards improvements/maintenance, but that would give you no claim on his property.

I don't see what would be so romantic about him giving you half his payout money. I'm amazed you expect that. It's clearly not in his interests.

[KatieKaye]

TBH, if after 5 years he does not want to own the house jointly, then it sounds as if he does not regard the relationship in the same way as you do - i.e. a long-term, committed partnership. Maybe it's best that you aren't married, for whatever reason. To be thinking about what might happen if you split up does seem to indicate there are some underlying problems.

I would not put my money into his house, in the form of a kitchen etc. A friend did the same, and lost everything when the relationship ended as the house was in his name, he paid the mortgage, utilities etc and she paid for decoration, food etc. Funnily enough, he was a lawyer and knew exactly what he was doing! She'd spent months renovating the place and got nothing while he benefitted from her time and money.

Invest your money and pay him digs if he won't have the house in joint names. Don't buy a new kitchen or anything you cannot physically take away with you if you decide to leave.

[LaurieFairyCake]

I think if he wants your money in the property that needs to be reflected in a legal document awarding you whatever percentage it is.

However that may not be in his interests as he may need to sell the house to buy out your percentage in the future

But you NEED to protect your investment so you either get your document or you give him a small amount of rent and do no improvements. Have you considered buying a cheap property with your 20k as deposit?

[BathtimeFunkster]

It is ridiculous and unfair to think he isn't committed to you just because he doesn't want to hand you 50% of his payout.

His ability to earn is presumably pretty severely compromised by his health. This money is his financial security for life.

I think someone who really loved him and wanted what was best for him long term would be doing everything to protect that money for him, not trying to benefit from it themselves.

He might wonder how committed you really are to him if you need financial recompense, in the order of half a house, to stay with him:

[PopularNamesInclude]

I think you two should sit down and work out a financial solution that protects each of your interests. You are not in a financial partnership of any sort so you both need to be realistic. You should not put a penny into the house and he retains sole ownership. You live there rentfree or almost so, allowing you to save towards your own home. That is good for you and for him. Sort out bills between you. You can help out with maintenance and decorating to increase the value of his home, do your share of domestic chores and pay your share of bills promptly. But do not put money into his home (unless some very discounted rent is involved). You can use this opportunity to build your savings.

[Namechanger98765]

At the moment there is no plan for me to out my 20k into the house. Part of me would like to as it would make it feel more like it was "ours" but it would be v negligable and (as dp points out)I would lose my isa allowance

[Namechanger98765]

Bathtime - I really don't expect that! I just feel a bit emotional about the whole thing and am posting here to try to get some more level headed opinions

[Phineyj]

You can't own 'half a house' but the equity, if any, can be shared if the couple choose. Or not. Get legal advice before you do anything. Not Mumsnet advice!

[BathtimeFunkster]

Sorry, I was responding to a PP who said he obviously wasn't committed to you, but I addressed it to you.

I think you need to take the emotions out of this.

This is stuff that needs a hard head. It's not about romance and hearts and flowers. It's about a man whose financial situation is unusual and potentially precarious and who needs to make arrangements to put him in as strong a position as possible for the rest of his life.

Your (joint) finances will always be affected by that and need to account for it.

That's your reality.

It's not personal. It's health related.

And it's really unfair.

[lastnightiwenttomanderley]

You could argue that your benefit is being able to live there presumably rent free, so significantly bolstering your savings.

The alternative is that you have a deceleration of trust drawn up which can state that, in the event of a split, a particular amount goes to him whilst the rest is split proportionally e.g. 50:50, 70:30. Don't forget that this is in effect his life's earnings. He will understandably want to make sure that if house prices rise and he needs to move, he hasn't lost out on buying something comparable by giving too much of an increase in value to you.

DH and I currently live in.subsidised staff acccommodation. We have spent a little bit on getting it how we like it, even.though we'll never get this back. In our minds, it's still less than we would be paying on housing elsewhere so we're happy with that.

[Namechanger98765]

Thank you, bathtime.

It is really difficult. The last thing I want is to be "grabby" about his money..

[KatieKaye]

In Scotland (no idea about conveyancing in England) you can own a one half pro indiviso share in a house, Phineyj.
Or it can be specified that the subjects are disponed to A to the extent of X% share and to B to extent of Y% share.

[expatinscotland]

Don't spend your money on his house. What Katie said. I'd pay digs but it would be foolish to spend your salary decorating. I don't see how his health affects getting married. All it requires is a trip to the registry office.

[Namechanger98765]

Thanks for all the replies.

Just to reiterate - I really do believe that dp is committed to me. I also understand that this money is his life savings and long term security and that why he wants the house in his name.

As it stands, I would not put in any cash, nor would I pay rent. I could avoid paying for major renovations. I would almost certainly pay for minor decorations and the majority if the bills because I am the only one working.

Do you think it would be morally unreasonable to ask for (eg) 10% of the equity (e.g. if we bought for 500k and sold for 600k he would get 590 and I would get 10)? I really don't want to be grabby or greedy but I just don't know what is reasonable..

Any thoughts? I am happy to be told that living rent freecis enough of a bonus in itself because that is what part of me thinks!

X

[KatieKaye]

If you have to pay "most of the bills" because he is not working, then you must consider the reverse situation

Your partner has received a sum of money, which he wants to invest in an asset that will (normally) increase in value. However, by doing so, he does not have the funds to support himself in terms of heating, food etc. You will provide these, for no financial benefit in the long term. he is wanting to have his cake and eat it! he is protecting his investment by expecting you to enable him to live from day to day.

I would think long and hard about moving in with him to any house in his sole name. he benefits from the arrangement, you do not.

He cannot afford to buy this house and then live in it without you supporting him. That's really daft on his part.

If you are a partnership, then you share both the burdens and the rewards. You sound very supportive, but your partner seems to put himself first and not consider how much you do for him, both in terms of his illness and the fact that right now if he spends his money on a house he has no way of supporting himself, secure in the knowledge you will pay all his bills.

Please think very carefully about this whole scenario. You get a place to stay - but for a high price and with no security.

[Mrsteddyruxpin]

I really feel for you but this is why I didn't live with anyone until marriage. You would just feel like a lodger but he is very unwell and I do understand his view too.

I would move out.

[PopularNamesInclude]

If you can live there rent free then I would not ask for equity. You should pay nothing or a very minimal amount towards decoration, but do offer time and labour if you can. You should set a savings goal for yourself and look to buy your own property. Just always remember that you are essentially his tenant and do not go overboard improving a property in which you have no stake. Save hard towards your own. If you can both discuss and plan logically, there is no reason this can't work out.