I have lost all reason. Tonight I am in tears because teaching DD1 to read is so fckg hard.

[TheDuchessOfNorksBride]

She is 6yo & in Year 1. She is not progressing at the moment. She hates reading and behaves badly when 'forced' to do it (feels like force anyway). I am beginning to lose patience. I'm sure it will all click blah blah in time but it's fucking frustrating right now and I want to kick and scream.

The situation is probably not helped by her 4yo brother, who started Reception in Sept, learning letters & words at a staggeringly fast rate.

Anyone else want to scream?

[TellusMater]

Oh God yes. Not reading, but writing. Blood from a stone.

[whispywhisp]

Has her teacher mentioned that she isn't interested in reading? Does she enjoy it at school - just wondered if its a 'home' thing?

[Turkeyandsproutsx3]

My 6 year old goes through phases - he loves reading at the moment and spelling is totally phonetic despite having learnt them and being able to read stuff arrrghhh

My 4 year old wants to learn but doesn't seem to be at any particular rate which concerns me!

[Anonymama]

There must be loads of pressure to get your children reading at a young age here (ref. Cameron's latest comments), and there is no doubt that good literacy skills are important - but there are many other European countries where reading is taught from about 7, and their adult population is no more (in fact, often less) illiterate than ours (e.g. Denmark).

If you feel frustrated and resent reading with your daughter, she is going to pick up on that vibe. Call it quits for tonight, and have another go when you are feeling more like it. Assuming you are using stuff from school, and that they are using phonics based reading schemes, ditch it if you & she are getting no enjoyment from it, and read some books for pleasure. You could perhaps introduce an element of phonics teaching/reinforcement with card games etc. Usborne produce phonics flashcards, so you might want to check out their website. Also they have some nice phonics books which are colourful and quite amusing, which you could try (e.g. Sam Sheep Can't Sleep).

Also, might be worth checking with her school (if you haven't already done so) what methodology they are using to teach reading. There was a good link via channel4's website recently to a load of literature on the synthetic phonics methodology & tips for parents.

HTH. It is worth perservering with in the long term, obviously, but if it makes you want to scream, you've clearly had enough for the time being. Take a break, and try a different tack.

[VirginiaWoolf]

[soothing noises and glug-glug-glug of wine into glass to be handed over]

I don't know if there's any background to this so if I've missed loads forgive me, but....
Have you spoken to school? - Have they pointed out that if a child is really annoyed to be 'forced' to read at home then she probably won't actually get much out of it? Have they suggested informal games to help with her reading? - Or tried chilling about it for a while and just reading really good stuff to her so that she gets to experience reading as fab and fun and feels more motivated???
So sorry if teaching to suck eggs etc....

[Refill of wine....]

[BreeVanDerCampLGJ]

We turned reading into a bit of bribe situation in YR1, we bought the basic ORT books and DS had to read one of those to us, in order to earn a story from us.

It worked like a treat, his reading soared and in YR2 at the age of 6 he is now on a reading scheme for 8-9 year olds.

HTH

[Anonymama]

Re. the brother - don't forget we all develop in various areas (intellectual, physical, emotional etc.) at very different rates. The fact that your daughter is 'struggling' at the moment, does not indicate that she will never learn to read.

Other ideas:

• join the local library
• she tells stories to teddies and dolls at bedtime, using books that she is familiar with. Gradually she may want to use the written marks on the page.
• writing nonsense rhymes together with phonics flashcards
• playing reading games, e.g. a "treasure hunt" with post-its round the house telling your daughter where the next clue is, and then leaving a packet of choc buttons or stickers in the final place. Keep it short, e.g. 3 clues to start with, and simple, and fairly repetitive e.g. "I am under the mat in the hall", "I am in the bedroom", "I am on the table".

HTH Good luck

[moondog]

If you feel reading is difficult for her, by a book (only £5 or so) called 'Why our children can't read and what we can do about it.'

It's readable, interesting and relevant.

(I'm a salt with a huge professional interest in reading and writing. I also taught my own child to read as home schooled for a while)

[Cammelia]

6 is a very normal age to not be able to read yet.
It is frustrating for both of you , she probably feels worse if little bro seems to be finding it easier.
Try to use the same methods that her school uses so there is no confusion.

[SoupDragon]

I don't think there is anything to gain by forcing them to do it. Teach them to love reading, make them want to do it and that's most of the battle won.

FWIW, DS1 could barely read on entering Y1. 6 months later he was off and running and keen to tackle the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe.

[Mercy]

It's not your job to teach her to read but to be a support at home.

I went through this with writing with dd. Everyone else seemed to be miles ahead for ages. Suddenly in Yr2 she has taken off and surpassed all the others! (althugh we did a little bit of practice disguised as fun at home during the summer hols)

She will get there - at her own pace.

[SenoraPostrophe]

like soupy says.

some children do just take a lot longer than others, and motivation is the key thing I think. dd could read about 5 letters on starting y1 and hated it. but I gave up trying to make her do it and just told her all about the stories she'd be able to read eventually instead. and now she tries and wants to read (progress is still slow, but we are making progress).

also maybe you could do treausre hunts with written clues and stuff like that. doesn't have to be much - even the smallest thing helps when they've convinced themselves they hate it ime.

[VictorianSqualor]

My DD took ages to pick up reading, I used to get so frustrated, being a grown up who can read I couldn't unerstand how something so simple could be so hard
She is now in year 2 and one of the top readers in her class, and not through my effort, but through her own learning.
Try not to fret too much, has the teacher told you she needs extra help???

[Mercy]

Ah, jsut seen Soupdragon's post. Good advice - let her see that reading can be fun/enjoyable. Involve her in your own reading, whether it's newspapers, magazines, books, shopping lists, backs of cereal boxes - anything basically.

[sparklygothkat]

OMG!!! This was me earlier with Dd1, aged 7. I hate hate hate reading with her, its so hard.. I just want to throw the book at the wall..

[TheDuchessOfNorksBride]

We took a break from reading during the summer. When we came back to it she'd forgotten most of the phonetic sounds. So taking a break with DD1 is not really an option because starting all over again makes it so much worse.

I'm not comparing her with her brother, what I meant was I don't think it's helping her attitude. Some children would probably find their sibling reading encouraging, DD1 seems more inclined to give up. I've started reading with DS1 in the afternoon before DD1 comes home to avoid making it competitive. Hopefully DD1 will be over this hump by the time DS1 goes full time.

Bribes no longer work. She just throws a huge tantrum at the prospect of not getting a story book. Secret message games used to work but not for some months.

And the reading isn't progressing at school either. Everything else is fine. Her teacher isn't concerned, she's no doubt seen it all thousands of times before.

I know it's not a huge problem. But nonetheless, I'm sick to death of it.

[VictorianSqualor]

Totally understandable Duchess, I got just as frustrate tonigt with dd's handwriting, I know she finds it harder being left-handed but I just can't get it into my head that she is actually trying. As long as the teacher doesn;t think it is an issue, I;d assume everything is fine. Maybe ask the teacher for something you can do other than reading if you want to feel like you're helping if not, just keep a nice cold bottle in the fridge for when the reading has finished

[lucykate]

my dd is in year 1 and we have struggled with the reading, so much. she has been making slow progress since reception, was on level 3 which is actually about right for her age, but she is in a class where a lot of the others are on level 8 or 9.

last week, she was moved to level 4, and all of a sudden things seem to have changed. the stories are a bit more involved and more interesting, she's starting to enjoy reading more instead of it ending in tears, i think she was so bored of the other books, she just couldn't be bothered with them.

is your dd doing ort?, if it is to do with her being bored, can't they try a different scheme with her, my dd had snapdragons for a while last year and loved those books, they had word games at the back which she really enjoyed doing.

[TheDuchessOfNorksBride]

Perhaps the most frustrating thing is that I've done/are doing almost everything that's been advised on this thread. And it makes no difference. She loves stories, reads the paper with me etc etc and yet she is reluctant to read herself. She will come through it in her own time and DH and I will have to lump it in the meantime.

And no wine because I'm pregnant. So I'm tired & emotional enough without adding alcohol!

@ sparkly

[sparklygothkat]

I find it so hard, because DS1 can read very well (reading age of 12 at the age of 7, he is 9 now) and dd2 is 6 and doing well, but dd1 is a totally different story, she struggles with the simply words and I get so annoyed with it

[cazzybabs]

Reading is so hard - basically it is a series of black patterns on a page that somehow combine to make sense to those of us who can read. You have the hardest job - you have her when she is tired.

Have you talked to her teacher? What about taking a break from books and going over the sounds until she knows those. Does she word build - ie see cat and sound it out as c- a- t?

Can you do 5 minites every day - have a clock and time yourself and then do something fun?

Does she see you read? Do you still read to her? I think the most important thing is that she loves books and from that will come a desire to read.

[MrsWeasley]

I have the same situation with both reading and writing but my DS is in year 2. All last year I kept saying he wasnt forming his letters correctly but was told not to worry and he will "get the hang of it", I pointed out that he had "got the hang of it" in reception but was slipping into bad habits (example: b's are 6's, a are like Q's, etc) This year at parents evening they are concerned and asked me what am I doing about it I said well at home I make him re-write the letter correctly etc but are they doing that at school? No they just moan to me and remind him occassionally about it.

Now I face a dilemma as in September he will be moving into the junior school and if his handwriting doesnt improve he will be in the lowest set and I know he will be bored (I know this as I have been working with that group so know what he will be doing)

Now if anyone can provide me with ideas to make reading and writing more fun to a little boy who would rather stick a million objects to his work with sellotape than read or write I'm dumbo (all ears)

[TheDuchessOfNorksBride]

Mrs Weasley - there are some 'treasure hunt' ideas further down this thread.

There seems to be so much that I need to do with her at home: reading; letter formation; telling the time; numbers to 100; numbers that add up to 10. It does piss me off slightly that the school has her from 8.40 until 3.15 and I get this tired wreck of a girl home and yet am expected to support so much work. She's just not up to it after school and, strange parent that I am, we tend to have other things to do at the weekend.

We do have 'fun' games that help with maths, reading etc. Unfortunately DD1 knows them for what they are and won't participate.

[AngharadGoldenhand]

I think I'd back off with her completely for a bit - agreed with school if possible! - and just enjoy stories at home.

Could you go into school and agree a strategy of working on ONE thing at home whether it be numbers or letter formation or whatever and let the rest go hang for the time being.

This term is always the worst for kids getting tired.

[MrsWeasley]

Thanks TheDuchessOfNorksBride, I like the treasure hunt idea, will try that.

TBH its a relief to know I am not alone in worrying and finding it a pain!

Thanks