Excuse me if I'm being petty about this but never having done footy at school myself, I don't know the ropes.
Our school has a club for some year groups. Ds started going last year (yr2) and enjoyed it, though wasn't particularly good at it.
Some of the kids are quite good but no one is brilliant as they are all just kids - and some are fairly bad!
Anyway he was asked to play in a match last summer, so we turned up early, all set, my parents in tow. There were a couple of latecomers, and rather than start the game with those we had, the coach decided to wait for them and leave ds out on the sidelines, all keyed up and ready to play but apparently the ones that were late were better than him 
He was upset and confused. We waited patiently and by half time still no joy though even the younger bro of one of his mates was allowed on. We had no idea what to say to ds.
At some point during the second half, he was finally sent on to play - for approximately seven minutes, then he was substituted again.
I was really upset about it and he was upset too, (I tried to hide it and so did he!) and after that he kind of wasn't interested in playing any more so stopped going to the after school practise.
Anyway, a little while before half term, he was invited to join again by the coach, but I said he was no longer interested, thanks all the same. During half term he decided he'd like to play again so when we went back I asked the coach's wife if it was Ok - she seemed really pleased and said that would be great. She said there's a match on Friday - can you bring him during the day as we need parents to drive them there, so I said that would be fine and arranged to take him and stay the afternoon there.
Today was football practise so he went along, and then after it the coach called to me and said that he isn't wanted at the match on Friday. He wouldn't explain why. I presume it's the same again - ds just isn't that good. But loads of them aren't that good. I don't think he is particularly lacking - it's not like he ruins the game or anything. He's just a bit reticent in going after the ball.
So we went home (I'd already offered one of the other kids a lift via their mum, so will have to renege on that now) and on the way, ds told me that the other kids had told him at lunchtime that they didn't want him in the match, as he would 'let them all down'
I don't think they were saying this by themselves - the wording sounded like an adult had said it and they were copying. But I don't know who.
I just feel so angry on behalf of ds - I tried to make a joke out of it and tell him how good he is at other stuff, but the unfairness of it, leaving out a little kid who shows commitment, turns up on time, and just wants to learn the game, seems really harsh.
Is this normal? I want to tell the coach to stick his 'friendly' match in a few weeks that he graciously might allow ds to play in. But I know they don't really care if we are in it or not.
Sorry I just need to vent. They are 7 FGS. It's hardly the world cup. 
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Is this par for the course with junior level football?
IngridBergmann · 09/03/2011 18:40
god its awfull isnt it?
my dd played in a girls team for 3 years age 11 to 14. the girls were asked if they wanted to 'play to win' or just keep it fun. they said to win,so coach rarely played dd. her enthusiasm far outweighed her ability
used her when hardly anyon turned up for the early saturday morning games tho! 
i drove miles,heavily pregnant,then with a newborn...and dragging 2 other young dc along too. she was stoical about it,but i wa fuming. she did get a couple of goals,but i had enough eventually and we left
It's really tough and it shouldn't be like that, but junior teams can get really cut-throat. Dads who are frustrated players themselves living through their children; preferential treatment for coaches children; coaches who have lost focus that it's the joy of the game and turned it into win at any cost. I hate it as a parent and as a teacher, because the upset and arguments spill into Monday's school after Saturday's match. It sounds like your coach is a "win at any cost" coach.
Sorry, I sympathize with you, but there is no easy solution, and how you explain this mentality to a young child is a nightmare.
It is indeed a cut throat world in junior football IME. DS is rubbish at football, but used to love running around at football club. But then at about the same age as your DS, it was pointed out to him by the other boys that he really was rubbish, and their dads certainly said the same while they were watching . So he left. And this wasn't even a team as such. I certainly never took him along to that.
He plays cricket now, not quite do badly as football, but not brilliantly 
, and this is a competitive thing. He gets to play about every other match, as do the other not quite so good ones. The good ones play every match. That seems a fair deal to me. He gets the glory from the success, feels every bit part of the team, to the extent that he will go and support in the home games he isn't playing in. But it is competitive, and he isn't great, so he doesn't get to play every match.
Oh crikey I see why you left. That's so unfair.
It just wrecks their self esteem and they go off playing! If they did football as a normal part of school it wouldn't matter so much but this is the only opportunity he has.
We didn't do netball matches till year 6. I don't see why it is so f*cking crucial to win everything at the age of 7.
I hate to say it but I really dislike the coach. He's being really cruel - I mean he didn't have to ask ds to be in the blooming club, or to play in the match - but he did, and then to take it away is just cruel. I think it's like you say - he was keeping ds in reserve in case he could use him as a spare.
Charming! Ds doesn't want to go any more so we're going to do other stuff. Any suggestions for effective flouncing gratefully accepted
thankyou so much, for understanding and for sympathising. I feel a bit better about it now.
Yes he does seem to be a win at any cost type of coach. It makes me sick that he can do this but there you go.
I'm glad to hear your ds is properly valued and included in the cricket, TFM - that's encouraging!
Abigail - yes I'm sure it is divisive within the class, too - there are only about 10 boys in the whole class and most of them play in the club so it sets them all apart from him.
Gahhhhhhhh. I'm certainly not submitting him to any more hurtful nonsense, so I guess that's it for his football career - but maybe he'll get another go at secondary school.
He's great at music so we'll concentrate on that.
Thanks again
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Well, he would probably have improved if he'd been allowed to play without all this political stuff going on, but I just can't put him through it - I don't get how they can leave him out and take everyone else. Could they not just have him on the bench or something? (not sure how football works) just so he didn't feel like the only odd one out?
I have a feeling I know who the eleventh player might be, I hope I'm wrong.
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