* That I would get a hairy tummy - I was prepared for a brown stripe, not a man-line!

* That I wouldn't be able to brush my teeth for about 2 weeks because it made me be sick every time.

* That I would have sudden cravings for every food item in the 'do not eat' booklet.

* That I would make list after list of every baby thing that I could ever possibly need.

* That 40 weeks is a LONG TIME when it seems as though every second woman you see already has a cute and gooey baby.

* That my DH & I would exchange knowing glances when walking/driving past a pram or pushchair, because the one we had chosen was far superior in every way

* That it is possible to be so violently sick that you get a rash around your eyes from your blood vessels popping.

* That I would take on the sleeping habits of a newborn for the first 3 months.

* That you would spend ages looking in the mirror stroking your bump!

* That it's actually quite freaky to see the individual vertebrae of your growing baby at the 20 week ultrasound scan.

* That I would actually turn into one of those people who milks their 'condition' for all it's worth!

vivia I'm so sorry....did not want your story to go unacknowledged...

That despite being a fit, energetic, healthy 29year old I would actually start to find it challenging/exhausting to go up and down stairs.

That at about 20 weeks, newborn baby clothes stop looking tiny and cute and start to look huge and terrifying.

That every single person I know would make a comment about my bump EVERY TIME THEY SAW me. That these comments would all be completely random and totally contradictory. That despite this I would still fret about and analyse every one of them.

That I would have gorgeous hair. I am loving my pregnancy hair

That a lot of the pregnancy irritations are not as awful when you experience them as they sound when you hear about them. Not great mind, but not as dreadful as i thought.

That it just wouldn't be as horrific as everyone else told me it would be.

I had "morning" sickness until 20 weeks (ha ha) and significant back pain and rib flare in the second trimester but it just didn't seem that unmanageable or out of the ordinary.. I was expecting all sorts of new physical horrors (particularly growing massively huge/swelling/varicose veins/piles/leg cramops) but unless they all come this week, I'm very glad to say I've escaped..

Just adding this in for any prospective mums to be who may be terrified.. it turns out that it's very individual, actually. You could have all the horrors.. or some.. or none.. and somehow, those I had just didn't seem as horrifying as I had thought they would before falling pregnant. Now if only childbirth could follow this pattern

It might be because I am tiny, but in the night I was unable to lie down or even sit. I could feel the bones around the pevic area moving, expanding almost like they were tearing. Add to this my burning, desert-dry, aching fanjo and the nipples of ice. I slept upright, leaning against the bedroom door, from precisely 3am to 5.15am for three months. Sadly the foetus died so I'm not sure what might have happened next in that story.

Sorry if TMI but why does no one tell you what the miscarriage/termination by pill procedure is like? Why does no one tell you it is literally a mini birth? Sweet Jesus I've never known pain (physical) like it, and then later (emotional) pain through being sent home while the MC aided by termination pill was still happening.

Now at 26 wks with dc2.

Total shock that bump seems twice as big twice as quickly the second time round!

Difficulty sleeping because lying on my left causes uncontrollable burping while lying on my right the trapped air wants out at the other end... Feeling so sorry for DP sharing the bed!

Shocking heartburn plus constant headache from trying to sleep on three pillows and crinking my neck in the process.

Wondering why the baby feels the need to dance flamenco at four in the morning when I have just got comfortable surrounded by pillows.

Post birth of dd1, everything down below being so numb and traumatised that I could not tell when I needed a wee until I really needed a wee. Then not quite making it to the loo in time a few times... Only lasted a few days but hugely embarrassing.

Ahhhh, happy times. Already thinking about having a third, but maybe that's hormones speaking.

So with you becksworth - mine started last week - ouch!

And the rib pain, oh the rib pain!

I thought I had it bad with morning sickness which has lasted all the way through, backache, dizzyness, shooting pains down my legs, cramp, constant acid indigestion, massivly swollen ankles which people would openly stare at, shooting pains up the lady bits, and shooting pains up the tummy which scared the crap out of me. After reading this link though I'm really thankful I didn't get the rest of it! You poor things!!

I get the popping ears too.. in fact have it right now.. puts me in a shocking mood and keep sniffing and gurning trying to get rid of it.. look like some kind of pregnant junkie!
Also did NOT know would start producing a little milk at 23 weeks... what's all that about!!!

lol holytoast I get that noise when my MIL comes too! It seems to have been missed out in all the pregnancy info the hospital has given me. I'm wondering if it will ever end!

Have been thinking more about this one...

The hair on my legs and arms growing at a ridiculous rate, yet the hair on my head has suddenly gone all lanky and strange

Sneezing about a million times a day - but thats not the worst of it - having to cross my legs beforehand and saying ouch! afterwards because I always forget how much it hurts my tummy muscles!

Oh, and the tinitus seems to have disapeared, only to be replaced by the ear splitting, painful noise of my mother in law visiting.....

No food cravings- but cravings for smells- notably creosote. I am walking round covertly sniffing fences, and when I find a nice creosotey one I am almost orgasmic with pleasure.

Sudden psycho fits of temper; I should have seen the need to avoid Trago Mills (other residents of Cornwall/Devon will know EXACTLY what I mean) at closing time; normally I can handle their "unique" take on customer relations, but this last time had me in a fit of hysteria so extreme I could hardly breathe, and calling the floor manager a f***g c**t. Now I feel I can't go back unless I'm wearing a fake beard and dark glasses...help!

Getting teary, especially at the mention of birth...went to see a film on birthing, there must have been at least 10 pregnant women there. Loads of footage of babies popping out; you could hardly hear the dialogue for the snivelling.....

And finally, losing every last pathetic scrap of work ethic I ever had, and spending all my time on Mumsnet instead of doing any work!

oh lordy this is just about the best info I've come across on pregnancy-I've been gleefully reading them out to my OH who is quite terrified Some others that I don't think I've seen:

- that bras above a D cup are all revolting beige or tan contraptions that look like something your granny might wear.

-you can sail through first trimester with no sickeness whatsoever only to have it hit you at week 16

-not only would i get blubber-over-nothing emotional, which i expected as it happens monthly, but that i would also become extremely aggro. Not great when you work with the general public.

-and finally my own personal fave TMI: feeling constantly horny but then not wanting to after all because orgasm makes you feel like you need to poo

Poor toast. That's the auditory equivalent of my eye floaters.

Nobody ever mentioned the weird squashiness of your belly right after baby evacuates it. Quite freaked me out!

tinitus? or is it just me? ear splitting, sudden, painful and drowning out all other noise!

...the number of items of crockery it is possible to break because spatial awareness has disappeared. Today was a bowl of tomatoes, and tomatoes are hard to sweep up as they roll (can't bend down to pick up 30 tomatoes all over kitchen floor, sweeping only way!). We're running out of china!

Having my boobs grow 2 sizes in just the first 8 weeks, but the horrible tingling and pain my nipples would create. Crying at anything and everything, being hungry every 2 hours, and feeling faint if i didn't eat. wanting marmite with everything, and weird combinations like marmite on toast with strawberries. getting knackered from just walking down the road, a simple short journey would feel like the final showdown on gladiators, oh and it taking 4 buses to get into town, and not just 1, for sickness. but its worth it.

Reading through this has brought back the memories of my first pregnancy and re-warned me of my now 9 weeks in 2nd pregnancy, oh the joys to come. What i wish i had been told was that when your waters break, when i was induced, that until you actually gave birth you would have to wear double thickness towels to mop up all the jelly like mucus, sorry to be crude, lol but all the ones i had packed for after the birth i ended up using before the birth, and horrible throw away disposable knickers!!! argh.

Never realised that:

1. My smug ideas of eating healthily would go flying out the window to be replaced by dinners of bread, butter & jam followed by a doughnut chaser.
2. I'd actually start taking notice of the Tena Lady adverts with a view to a purchase.
3. 10.30pm would be classed as a 'late night'.
4. I'd get terrible pains in my buttocks.
5. I'd look 6 months pregnant at 14 weeks.
6. It really was possible to go to the loo every half hour.

longtalljosie i agree completely. i found out i was pregnant monday and by tuesday i felt crap! havent slept through the night since

no sickness yet but tender boobs, stomach tender even shower water hitting it hurts, pains down below and i feel funny when i bend down.would you believe the more symptoms i get the more i love it, it reassures me that i am actually pregnant

I surly know about the mad dreams, being it scared to laugh, sneeze or cough and leg cramps but it was the dry nipples that got me. being so tender as they always seem to be, is not the kind of thing you want to be continuously be peeling/washing off.

Popping ears here too! Usually happens together with stuffy nose. Must be sinus related.

OMG fiziwizzle It's SO annoying isn't it?! Showing no signs of quitting either, I fear the only cure may be childbirth! [hmm}

YES, I'VE HAD THE POPPING!! I thought I was going mad.

I absolutely love this thread!

Definitely agree with the gas and the leaking, more scary though are the sudden and violent mood swings - blissed out earth mother to deranged knife-weilding harpy in less than a nanosecond. Oh, and the tears... FOR NO REASON!

Anyone else get popping in their ears? I read somewhere that it can be a symptom, but when I mentioned it to MW she looked at me like I was a mentalist. It has been driving me loopy since a couple of weeks in!

Or total strangers, Claire...

That if you are pregnant, casual acquaintances feel that it perfectly acceptable to say things to you like 'Hello fat girl, you've put on weight'!

Gas. Lots and lots of Gas.

Having to waddle.

Gaining the confidence to shout "WHAT??!" at people who stare in the street because I'm too grumpy to care what they think.

Going out in my pjs if I can't be arsed to get dressed.

Here here with the panty liners too.

having such bad piles, that the midwives send for a physiotherapist who wheels in huge metal box type thing, rams it up against my huge grapey piley things (tmi?) and starts it vibrating. What was it? I never asked, as was too knackered. No one else seemed to ever had it, and never saw the lady again. Perhaps it was a post birth hallucination?

ohhh and uncontrollable acid induced loud old man burping. usually somewhere inappropriate (friends house, hospital waiting room, Tescos) and my mum refusing to walk down the street with me if I kept doing it..

Im seven weeks pregnant and I have become very, very hair sore and I also have dandruff (ive have never had dandruff before)!! What is that all about? Has anyone heard of this before? I went to the hair dressers last week and my scalp felt as though it was on fire when I left! I have a DD (3 years old). With my first pregnancy I had sme MS and spots. No MS or spots this time - yet! Has anyone had comletely different symptoms with each pregnancy?

i am just wondering if i am pregnant or if it is too early to tell. My breasts are usually very sore right before my period is due, but they are not this time and itis due on september 30th. could this mean i am pregnant?

That you'd get ridiculously emotional at the slightest of things. I am sitting here balling my eyes out at a program where a family have 10 kids (2 sets of twins, then sixtuplets ) so no fault of their own but one of the little girls has cerebal palsy. I'm not crying because i am sad, just because i am amazed at how great the parents are for those kids. I'd never usually cry at anything like this, lol!

No one has mentioned the unusual cravings - twiglets in gravy for me.

just remembered: huge bout of vitiligo and floaters in eye.

After birth expecting baby blues but instead gigantic week-long love-fest with me running around gooey-eyed and completley off the rocker, stroking everybody in sight. Then Baby blues.

entirely unexpeced: after not hearing for months from people, everybody calls/rings the door in end of 3rd trimester to ask how things are going JUST when toddler has fallen asleep and you have manhandeld your belly into bed and craddled it with 50 just-so arranged pillows but then have to get up to shut up madly barking dog and crying tod. I swear I'm not joking.

This thread never ceases to cheer me up.

I always thought I was completely chilled out but I now panic at the smallest thing (as fuwtn says above)

No one told me my feet would grow two sizes and this would be considered normal.

I'm also usually a neat freak, but recently if I drop something 9/10 I will leave it until I drop something else because bending down is such a hassle.

That I would worry if anti persperant deo could cause my nipples to close so have switch to a non anti perspirant. (or is that just me?)

That I would pack and repack my hospital bag at leats once a week, each time adding more and more things, I currently have enough bags packed to tour Borneo for a month!

Oh sorry, me again - PARANOIA, it kicks in in early pregnancy when you are certain something is going to go wrong and you'll MC (not nice at all feeling like this - i'm here again).
And again when baby decides to stop kicking like crazy for a day or more - straight out panick.
And then again about pooing while in labour, i was on iron tablets so yes experienced the rabbit poos during labour and being so terribly embarassed and appologising to everyone Saying i can't push incase i poo!
And then paranoia stays with you after baby is born - you'll check on them every 10 mins and watch them just to make sure they are still breathing or is that just me?

Oh and a really embarrasing one is you can wet yourself without even realising once you get really big - i wet myself in the street once and only realised once my legs came over all warm

Sorry so many typing errors in my last post , I can usually spell but pregnancy has happened again wiping my brain out.

I forgot to add that you may find yourself only being comfortable in the bath, and when you finally get out, within 5 mins you just want to get back in again. I spent the last 3-4 months of my pregnancy in the bath if i wasn't at work, lol! I even ate my dinner in there a few eves

Ah some i don't think have been shared (btw im 6wks 3days preg with second):

1) that even though you don't have any sort of tummy yet (6wks) you still can't sleep on your front as it's far too uncomfortable. Grrr - it the only way i sleep

2) That you boobs will become as hard and solid as two huge rocks stuck (all bumpy in places too that yo can mould them like plastercine) to your chest - very uncomfortable - you litterally have to squeeze some milk out to relieve them a little. And this is even BEFORE giving birth.

3) that when you BF your boobs are so overfilled that when baby has finished feeding you will continue to spray them in their faces untill you can get them out of the way and your boob back in your bra, lol!

4) when you do BF you have to wait another 3 hours to relieve the other overfilled boob, and by the time that comes around the one you fed from last time is overfilled yet again

5) That you baby may come out as hairy as a monkey, with dark hairs all over their arms, back, shoulders and even ears , worse still mine was a little girl - I thought i'd given birth to a gremlin. It took a good few weeks to dissapear but it did all go in the end.

6) that any baby comes near you and your boobs will go into overdrive and leaks masses needing numerous bpads - this even happens before giving birth too

7) that my craving weren't food, but to sniff Fosters (no other brand of beer smelt the same or good enough) I didn't want to drink it, just smell it over and over - weird! Or suck a wet flannel for ages in the bath

I could go on but there are ton's of things you don't get told about so this thread is fab - and it's amazing how nature makes you forget so many of these things so that you are tricked into doing it all over again

Constant burping

Laugh-crying

Crying if people tell me about sad things / happy things / sweet things to do with babies

Not being able to sleep apart from on my left side - which then wakes me up as everything get stiff

Sausage fingers in the morning

Bloated generally in the morning

Heartburn

If another person mentions pushing a watermelon through the eye of needle I'm going to hit them!

By Comma2 on Sun 20-Sep-09 16:17:20
...that they poke an IV into you first thing when you are in labor, then strap you on your back while your free hand hopelessly grapples for your expensive birthing ball ...

Yes. I'm hoping that they only do that for first babies. Or to put it this way, if they attempt to to do that to me again I'm going to scream obscenities until I get my own way. They wouldn't even take my (useless, unnecessary) IV out of my hand for over 24 hours, despite me asking five times. I was SO bruised.

...that i'd develop super-human reflexes to the extent that I could rap flies on the nose with teaspoons.

...that the supposed 'energy burst' during the 2nd trimester doesnt always happen.

...that I should buy shares in gaviscon

...that in the last week of pregnancy my fanjo felt like i'd hung weights from it

...that i'd think about sex constantly

...that they poke an IV into you first thing when you are in labor, then strap you on your back while your free hand hopelessly grapples for your expensive birthing ball ...

...that the episiotomy leaves your privates looking very different from what you thought was normal...

...that going pregnant through a stupid cold without meds while getting up x times a night to wipe dc's nose is the horrid ordeal it is....

Im 8 weeks Pg with my second and i had NO sysmptoms that time, this time though what has surprised me is,

1 Feeling SICK CONSTANTLY and being sick at the drop of a hat. I left work 2 days ago very happy feeling fine and then just threw up in the street without warning. WTF it was not pleasant.
2 Feeling tired all the time even though i sleep for 12 hrs.
3 The Wierd dreams !!
4 Having to get up in the night to eat ALREADY god knows what it will be like when i get further along.

I'm sure i have many more to look forward to aswell. Oh the JOYS. i am very happy to be pg though.

Flyingcloud, are you having a boy? because the furry tummy is likely due to the boy hormones in your system! That's what happened to me anyway. The good news is that it will go after the delivery. I'm pregnant again now and keeping a close eye on my stomach to see if it gets hairy again!

Things nobody mentioned about pregnancy? The way you have to sit down slowly and carefully in the last few weeks because there's a baby's head actually filling your pelvis and it feels like if you sit down fast you'll sit ON them.

And that when your bladder gets full it pushes the baby up, so when you go for a wee and the bladder empties you can feel the baby's head bumping back down into the pelvis with a proper bump. That was nice.

That even with a 2nd degree tear, the post birth poo might actually be FINE and not anything to worry about!

That a 2nd degree tear (once it's done and stitched up) isn't that bad compared to the grinding afterpains and sore nipples. Ouch.

That I might be up for sex 3 days post birth. (We didn't obv, as I was still bleeding)

LOL at EH-EHHH! by GentlyDoingIt,

That made my day, thanks!

I have to stop reading now because the laughing is hurting the VERY TIGHT skin on my tummy... I had no idea that skin could get this tight and not tear (although clearly there is tearing to come )

I haven't read the whole thread but the things that have surprised me are:

How body-conscious I was up until about 16 weeks

And.. um this is embarrassing - how hairy my tummy is! I have never been a hairy person but my tummy is starting to look a little, uh, furry... please someone provide me with an explication for this one.

Merryoncemore - Thank God it's not just me!

New to Mumsnet and really enjoying this thread!

33 weeks pg and am experiencing:

- Horrible bleeding gums every time I brush my teeth (some days it looks like Dracula has visited my bathroom sink)
- Rise in body temperature - want pints of iced water constantly
- Overwhelming urge to be naked as much as possible
- Extreme irritation with my poor well-meaning mum, who is still insisting on telling me that labour will feel like 'bad period pains'...yeah, I just bet it will, ma...

That I would have the most weird and wonderful and totally off the wall dreams, that would feel real while I am dreaming them.

Did anyone else have nosebleeds throughout pregnancy?

Couldn't see it mentioned before & boy, was that fun to deal with on a regular basis at work & while commuting.

Used to take spare tops in (larger) handbag on a daily basis when expecting DD1. DD2 - never happened - wierd.

Now 14 weeks with DC3 and have to say the only new thing that I have noticed this time is that nobody. cares. a. jot. I passed an antenatal group (they were all still pregnant) yesterday while dragging a 5 yr old & pushing a buggy with 2 yr old & thought 'I wish I had the time for the self-obsession & a child-free coffee break'.

oh the twins comment at 14 weeks...and you just smile and you wish you had the courage to say nope it just my pre-pregnancy fat getting in the way

and the constant HUNGER...and when you tell your DH your hungry it doesnt mean hmmm lets stop have a think about what you would like to eat..it means FEED ME NOW!!!!

restless legs nonstop all night... every night.
and the wondering where the baby got the bicycle from as it cycles away all night while you try and close your eyes waiting for the sleep to appear

the tripping over everything and making everyone in the room jump to save you.. as you smile away to yourself thinking god help you if you try to catch me!!!
and the bumping into everything, i still do it 3.5 years later
the lists and lists of baby names your MIL comes up with that you would never name your child ever unless you wanted them to be a priest...but you nod along smiling hoping she doesnt see you rolling your eyes

And im planning on doing it all again..i must be mad!!!

Hi Lostelnore,

I have had / am having that "oh my god I stink" feeling in both my pregnancies and eventually reached the stage that I was showering 4 times a day during the first one. This time around I have found that the only thing that helps is Sure's new 48 hour deodrant applied after both my daily showers. My DH assures me it is all in my head but I just can't bear it any other way

I have laughed so much I'm surprised my bulbous gut hasn't split. These things have surprised me so far (at 13wks):

The sheer number of baked beans I feel are necessary to my daily survival (you try not being able to crap for a week)

Everything smells - I can smell when someone has eaten chips on their way to the train station then I feel the need to glare at them on the platform while my stomach provides appropriately menacing sound effects.

Due to the above, I now also stink. Don't know if other people have realised this, but it matters to me.

You will want to punch people for uttering the most mundane comments, and I always thought I'd be a calm earth mother type.

Not everyone thoroughly enjoys being pregnant, and there is a website where people are brave enough to say it!

The constant leaking!!!!

Have been visiting the in laws, and woke up too late to have a shower so just chucked on a pair of trousers and went through to breakfast, only to have to excuse my self 5 minutes later as "I must have spilt OJ down the front of my t-shirt" funnily it was only in two little lines down my front, they must have known, but I couldn't bring myself to admit it.

sorry if that is TMI

Heh heh, great post. Whoever mentioned pornographic dreams - me too! + With the most random participants. Best = Jack Bauer, most disturbing so far = Jeremy Paxman.

Other things I did not know (in addition to the many covered below!):

1. That spider veins, varicose veins and other swollen lumpy bits get progressively worse with each pregnancy;

2. That my swollen, lumpy bits could possibly extend up to my crotch area... until I went for a bikini wax and almost hit the ceiling;

3. That I, creator and enforcer of the no-TV-after-breakfast rule, would be the one suggesting a DVD mid-afternoon so I could slope off upstairs for 'a little relax';

4. How many hours it is possible to spend on baby-naming websites and STILL not be able to come up with a shortlist of names that OH and I agree on;

5. That epidurals don't always work, and when they have already started to perform your CS and the drugs just aren't working they will give you a general anaesthetic so you're unconscious for the first hour of your baby's life ;

6. That I would even be contemplating a 10-day camping holiday at 30w, let alone actually looking forward to it.

I am now 17 weeks pregnant and I can say the following have surprised me...

1. Overwhelming tiredness and nausea - they do tell you about it but I didn't get it until I experienced it myself. My other half was totally clueless at this stage.

2. Smelly, lingering farts - and I mean really smelly...

3. Sex drive... went mad like a bunny and it was really enjoyable. Now feeling a bit less up for it as feel podgy with the slowly emerging baby belly...

4. Back pain. Never have had it before and now I have a constant cramp in my lower back on the left...

5. Emotions - I haven't been cranky but weirdest things make me cry, don't show me anything with kittens!

I have to say....that I never had many pg symptoms with first DS...

But the more babies you have....the more symptoms you WILL come across !!!
Every pg really is DIFFERENT.

Having twins this time...& I already have 4!!!
(yes Im mental....and you really do forget the complaints of pregnancy once your DC is born........may take longer than 3 mins after birth for some ladies though !!!)

.yet this is the first time EVER I didnt get morning sickness for the first trimester !!!

Maybe because I have learned that eating EVERYTHING actually helps with sickness !!!
have to eat BEFORE the nausea kicks in....though...
which does mean a 24 hour eating fest MOST days !!!

***until 3rd trimester....when feeding the family a tin of biscuits is an acceptable meal !! (to tired to cook.....and unable to eat even a child size portion even If I did cook !!) got into stage of: opening fridge.....sigh.....close fridge.....sigh....reopen fridge......sigh again.....go back to sofa & cry !!****

however.....due to my non-sickness 1st trimester...I'm now suffering terribly with everything else......to make up for it !!!

symptoms through this pregnancy:

Standing & chatting to family....have a little sneeze.....pee myself......soak my PJ's......continue talking & hope noone notices my clothes getting darker/wetter !!!

I really do need to cross everything, in preperation for a sneeze/cough/giggle !!!

knocking down displays in shops!!!.....having to shuffle faster than old people to escape any humiliation.

Difficult, now snails are overtaking me these days!!

Unable to remember which way to turn wheel in order to reverse car....!!
unable to remember where Im driving to !...and occasionally....finding new bumps/scratches on car !!!
Very costly pg symptom !!

my genitals have swollen 3 times original size....look like a newborn baby girls (too large for the body they are attached to!!)
albeit....mine are now covered in a jungle....as unable to reach downstairs to trim !!!!
Tried using veet once...as fearful of young docs staring at my horrific overgrown mass......but I burned my pregnancy hemorrhoids....and decided that it wasnt worth the pain !!!

I cry at EVERYTHING ....

although sometimes have occasional laughter fits at innapropriate times......again silence prevails...tumbleweed flies across the room...!!!!!
everyone looks at you in shock horror at laughing at the dead cat story !!??!!

Its NOT meee...its the hormones !!!!

Terrible insomnia......Im awake most nights now due to:-
...constant toilet visits (although not always does wee come out !!)

....terrible heartburn
....wet pillow sticking to my head from drooling (never had drooling with others!!)

.....nightmares

.....carpal tunnel / stiff arms / pins & needles in hands....limbs hanging off bed in order to try & prevent this.....but then I have terrible nightmares than freddie Kruger will chop my limbs off....so its a no win situation !!

......restless legs !!!! so annoying!!..
look like Im a freak suffering a mental attack !! (even had it during my 1 night stay in antenatal ward....and ppl just stared at me like I was abnormal!!!)

.......Leg cramps & foot & toe cramps !!

.......discomfort from lying on "same" side for last 8 months !!
unable to roll over, get up, do anything requiring stomach muscles !!
now have to drop off the bed...after throwing anything (pillows/ duvet) on floor to cushion my landing !!

Supersonic smells.....esp. soup....which can be smelt from 3 miles away !!!
not good when you have a bf who has always had smelly wind !!

Im completely stupid most of the time now.....
I too USED TO HAVE A BRAIN .....this really does deteriorate after children & during pregnancy!!
now i find things in the fridge that belong in the cupboard/sink/bin ....and visa versa !!!
forget what Im saying midsentence, forget why I went to kitchen etc etc.

Bump gets in way of everything....everthing has to be done at arms length !!!
washing up is done using fingertips as arms not long enough to reach the sink anymore !!

Bump comes in handy to rest plates on etc....when eating.....however be prepared for food going everywhere when baby decides to kick !!
constantly spilling food & drinks anyway.....as I misjudge distances all the time....
including distance from hand to mouth !!!

I can never be bothered to get dressed anymore....usually Im naked...but occasionally (for the sake of my poor sons sanity) I manage a nightie or large T-shirt..
..but people ALWAYS knock at the door..!!!!! WHY!!!!..and I have to dive for cover, pray they think noone is home, or tell my sons to say "mums in the bath....etc etc"...whilst hiding under tables.....
but still.....the next day.....there is nooo enthusiasm to get dressed !!!
Even my hair is scrunched up in a horrific mess, as cannot be bothered to even brush it anymore....let alone go to hairdressers and have it cut..(has been a mess since 20th week of pregnancy!!)
I used to be one of those who wouldnt do the school run without looking like Id stepped out of vogue !!

Pain everywhere....places you didnt know exist......and ppl really do love to say....ohhhhh....it only gets worse my dear

YES I KNOW !!!!!
ive been here before !!!!

Brushing my teeth has become impossible.....(*now* I suffer being sick....if I attempt to be hygenic!)

I drop everything......hilarious as I now cant bend to pick it up !!!

and when the babies finally arrive, and every young doc/nurse/passerby has stared long & hard into my nether regions, using lamps/ torches/ magnifying glasases etc etc
and Ive been prodded & poked by every metal object known to man up "there" whilst being told casually to "try and relax"

(all for training purposes of course!!)

and my belly deflates into a horrific deflated balloon mess, I know Ive got lots to look forward to...

cos Ive done it all before....
.....and I hear....."it only gets WORSE "
...
nice.....
I cant wait !!!!

Hilarious!
Loving this thread!
Extreme grumpiness - at my grandparent's golden wedding party I wrote out post it notes saying "no, i don't know the sex yet", "yes, I am huge", "2 weeks and 4 days left to go", etc, etc and stuck them all over my bump to save me answering questions and thought this was a perfectly reasonable way of dealing with nosey old ladies!!!!

oooh... @theDMplagiarized, you've just made me put 2 and 2 together. Have been thinking *a lot* more about sex. Much. much more than normal. DH looks worried each time I eye him with "that" look.

39 weeks here. Two new things happening this week...

1) Going upstairs, admiring baby clothes, stroking Moses basket, gazing at bump in mirror for a bit, then ambling back downstairs.

Then, reaching the bottom 2 steps and remembering that you actually went upstairs for a wee. Bugger. Return upstairs repeating "Wee. Wee. Wee." to yourself.

2) Putting small items of dirty laundry in the recycling bin. DD keeps running out of socks.

I wish I had known that pregnancy brain makes you do strange things ... I didn't know that I would carefully start packing the breakfast washing up into the fridge .... even though I didn't have a dishwasher!

My friend didn't know she would boil the potato peelings having thrown the potatoes out!

Also no one told me how fabulous and womanly i'd feel - and how that would disappear soon after the birth, probably down to hormones again. I was confident, assured of myself, i felt terrific, healthy and wonderful and beautiful even if i was the size of a house,

No one told me orgasms would be easier to achieve and feel different, not as 'wow.' I chalk that up to oestrogen, but i could be wrong.

I have just laughed my head off. Brilliant. I am preg with number 2 (15 wks) and have spent the last few mins reading this going 'oh man yes!!! I remember that' and then 'oh no, I'd forgotten I was about to get that!'. The nipples thing, I'd forgotten how they could feel litle they were being stabbed by thousands of tiny evil nipple-hating goblins just at the thought of a baby, or indeed the thought of anything. The smell thing I absolutely agree with tinglee, I have had to change our soap countless times, DH laughs at me that every time he comes home there's another variety sat there undergoing trials. Ahhh and the wind...it's a glamorous life, that of the pregnant woman...

This thread has really cheered me up after a horrible week.
My worst symptom was definitely my super sensitive nose! The smell of clean washing, detol, deodorant, perfume etc all made me feel really really sick for the first 15 weeks or so! I even smelt things that weren’t there! And weirdly I could smell dirty nappies everywhere! Very odd! My lovely sister kindly bought me a fragrance free deodorant which I could not have lived without!
Thankfully i’m now 21 weeks and all of a sudden feel fab, although more emotional than usual.

OMG, sitting in work and nearly dying from laughing and trying not to let my team hear...

10 weeks into first pregnancy and so much more to look forward too!

No-one told me I would have huge great boobs for the first time in my life - but that that they weren't to be looked at let alone touched... or that maternity bras were so damn ugly!

1)nose bleeds, obsessively examining tissues every time I blow my nose.
2) yeah yeah yeah, 2nd trimester everything gets better rubbish. Feeling worse than ever at 14 weeks and still without a shred of energy for doing anything nice.
3) Shooting pains across stomach still agonising (though at least by now I'm not terrified that I'm having a MC ever time it happens).
4) welcome to grumpy, irritable, emotional wreak me. Can't keep it together.
5) I get really nervous about telling people. Especially getting in contact with old friends who not sure whether they are going through good times or bad times at the mo.
6) And really worried about friendships with my friends who don't have children... I feel like I have deserted their 'club'.
7) Rabbit poos!
8) My mum going on and on about every media story to do with swine flu.

Phew. Great to get all that off my chest!

Random people touching your bump in public. Just wanna shout *leave me alone!!!* I don't randomly walk up to people and touch them so why do they think its ok???

I'm 23 weeks btw.

1) That I would be waking up in the middle of the night EVERY from about 8 weeks
2) That when the midwifes said you should ahve a look you SHOULDN'T cause it looked like a car crash
3)That things that start happening during being pregnant can carryon forever - I never used to burp and now I don't stop!
4)That I would cry at stupid things, things on TV in the paper
5) That I wouldn't be able to bend over to put my socks on
6)Still feel hot all the time

To name just the first 6 that came to mind

That pregnancy actually lasts for closer to 10 months - 40 weeks does not fit into 9 months!

That when you say leave me alone you mean it otherwise you might start throwing things and sxcreaming like a teenager who has been told they can't go out on Friday night.

That you know when you are being irrational and when you aren't but no normal person would possibly be able to tell the difference.

Rolling around in bed every morning trying to get up, before you wet yourself!

Realising that you are going to have to use sanitary towels for probably the first time in at least 15 years, and they are the super neppy like ones.

I've still got a couple of weeks to go though so i am sure that i will find a few more things between now and then.

That sometimes you really really want a nurofen...
That you wail "I want my mum' more than is necessary...
That you (or maybe just me) spend quite a lot of time thinking 'but I don't know HOW to make toes, or eyes,' and you worry your baby will have a face like the back of a spoon...

OMG LOL - I meant chin area

AND...

- no-one told me that I would get a kind of pressure sore on my left bumcheek, due to only having one available sleeping position that allows for not puking, not refluxing, not snoring, still breathing, minimising restless legs and not having dead arms.

- that my dreams of a gently tanned & glowing pregnant body would be thwarted not by the British weather, but by a complete inability to usefully lie down (except as above, which makes my boobs vanish into my left armpit and shin area and only exposes one arm/leg to the sun). Finally, that trying to get off the sun lounger would take upwards of 4 minutes and actually make me cry.

- That the only way to pick something up from the floor now is to do so in the manner of a giraffe drinking at a waterhole.

ketendmom Glad it's not just me. I lie in bed and start to drift off, but suddenly wake with a start, thinking "Why has some f*cker chosen this moment to play the guiro in my face?!"

No, no, dear. That would be your conk.

GentlyDoesIt, it's so funny you say that! I was driving yesterday and all of a sudden I heard a soft wheezing noise. I could not figure out what in my car could be making it... 5 min later after opening and closing windows, checking everything around me I realized - IT IS ME breezing through a very stuffed up nose!

also SNORING is now in full force. I keep waking myself up

Had a new and interesting one today (I'm 37 weeks). Been feeling extra blah the last few days and decided to ask midwife for a check-up.

Turns out I have a UTI. Very hard to detect this in oneself at this late stage, since the symptoms are a sore fanjo & frequent desire to urinate. Insist on your urine tests, everyone!

Unfortunately this puts the overdue-proofing shagathon on hold for a bit...

1. the thirst.
2. feeling really ill and incapable of doing anything other than lie on a sofa (hoping this will end in second trimester... please).
3. the increase in hairs on my stomach?! only noticed it today, but i'm not normally hairy. weird.

yes Good topic this one! I've always been a super organised person (well I like to think so) but the forgetfulness during pg is amazing...
And all the leaking as someone has already said...

See my post above...
I went to see the doctor to check on my symptoms. Thankfully I don't have bowel cancer or heart disease, just too many hormones, not enough red blood cells and a seriously over active imagination.
Oh and copious amounts of tears - where did all these bloomin' emotions come from then? didn't see that one coming.

love this thread

That anytime I see a picture or advert or anything with a dad holding his/a baby, I will bawl uncontrollably.

That baby clothes would suddenly become so fascinating, and, again, leave me bawling uncontrollably every time I pick any up.

That feeling my baby kick is the most fantastic feeling in the world. Until he starts doing it all night long, when I'll wish I could reach in there and slap him, except I'm so bloody tired I wouldn't have the energy to do so.

That babies kick a LOT.

That I would become incredibly irritable at the most minor things, and try and pick a fight with anyone who dares to disagree with me (actually, I may have been like this before pregnancy, but now people tell me I'm like it all the time - not sure if this is me changing, or other people becoming happier at pointing out my shortcomings).

That my mother would be totally useless with advice, and actually reduce me to tears fairly often with her stupid insensitive comments. I expected it from my father (and he didn't disappoint), but was hoping that this baby would maybe improve my relationship with mum, rather than worsening it. Oh well.

That sobbing for any reason under the sun becomes a fact of life. Last week I was crying uncontrollably in the car after my husband had just gone through a yellow light, saying 'you don't love our child as you obviously want it dead!' .

A few weeks ago I was blooming. What the hell happened?

The hot flushes.
The exhaustion.
The dizzyness.
The breathlessness.
The palpitations (probably anaemia but I COULD be having a heart attack).
The panic attacks that I am having a heart attack, causing my heart to speed up, thereby convincing myself I AM having a heart attack.
The chronic constipation - could be bowel cancer of course.
The hypochondria...

Oh dear...

Gas, burps and farts. I bet my bump is so large mainly due to gas (I'm only 13 weeks). It shrinks occasionally - this is why I'm sure it's not the baby.

What? Baby girls can have periods??? I didn't know that!

This thread makes me laugh sooooo much!

I am 9 weeks + 2 days, and already have experienced a few funny things:

When I first got pregnant I forgot how to drive for a few days. I'd be sitting in the driveway for a moment having forgot which way to turn the wheel when I reverse out of driveway!

Another thing I forgot was how to style myself. I've always prided myself on my good sense of style, but for about a week after getting BFP I forgot which tops went with which trousers and nothing suited me when I looked in the mirror. Was really annoying!

Worse still was forgetting how to cook in the first few weeks. I'd be standing in the middle of the kitchen looking at the fridge or cupboard and forgetting which items I needed to make dinner That passed and now the feeling I have when looking into the fridge is: everything here smells weird and makes me want to boke.

I will add more symptoms at another stage soon.

about the birth....

that you can wake up having skipped the first part of your labour with contractions 3 mins apart- seriously!

That when you call the hospital to tell them you're in labour with contractions 3 mins apart they would tell me to try to wait as long as possible and take paraceatomol- WTF!!!!

That your first labour can be over quite quickly- 4 hours and if i'd have taken the stay at home advice I would have delivered at home.

That all of a sudden when you see your baby you have this rush of love shortly followed by a rush of worry- which never stops

That baby girls can have periods- I was only told this after crying ,my eyes ou at the midwife convinced my newborn was dying and it was all my fault

1. Terrible leg and foot cramps in the middle of the night

2. A constantly stuffy nose

3. that I'd go off chocolate

4. that "morning sickness" is actually worst in the evening, and that mornings were the one time I felt great

Nobody warned me how addictive this place would be...

TTC... adoptions looking good now... lol

x

I never knew that when it came time to push baby out, you still got contractions - i thought they just 'stopped' when it was time to push. fuck, was i wrong.

That pot noodles would suddenly become an enticing and fine dinner prospect
That divorce (from very lovely DH) would feel like a real and daily necessity
That the smell of washing powder would make me sick incessantly for 13 weeks until inexpliacably I suddenly would feel better
That a pale blue dressing gown and various white nighdresses were not the best choice for hospital wear post natally
That I would never be as hungry ever again in my whole life as I was the first few days after giving birth
That being constipated for 3 days after giving birth is actually an appropriate concern to share with all the other new mothers at the hospital dinner table
That (TMI alert) I would feel very horny the whole way through pregnancy, even more so for a week after giving birth and then not again for months and months
That I would be as interested in the details of other womens birth stories

"Bursting into tears at the drop of a hat. On one rather memorable occasion for my husband, when he farted a few metres away from me in the bedroom and I broke down sobbing." (Tears-of-laughter-rolling-down-my-face emoticon)

Oh God, Thingiebob, that's the funniest thing I've heard in ages.

Stupidly, it never occurred to me that I might not get that lovely bump in summer. I was really looking forward to swanning about in all those lovely maxi-dresses. Not to worry - it seems I'm going more down the teletubby route than the svelte earth-mother look anyway...

-That from about 8 weeks becoming obsessed about food, any food that anyone mentions at anytime of day irrelevant of being hungry and HAVING to have it...NOW!

-That your huge boobs just get bigger and bigger and that bra you bought to grow into (and would last throughout the pg) is now too small and you still have 5 months to go.

Love this thread...need to add..

that I would not just get swollen feet but calves, arms, face, hands etc... I looked like a hot air balloon for the last 5 weeks of my pregnancy and the worst thing of all was that I didn't even realise how big I'd got until a 'friend' put photos on sodding facebook!

Oh and I certainly had no idea my nipples could stretch so far to feed my hungry boy..oh my God!!

This thread is seriously funny and agree it should be made into a book!! Not sure what to add - so much (and more) is covered, but here goes:

* Ante-natal depression - lots known about PND, but actually feeling totally depressed, tearful, angry, irrational etc beforehand too....

* Constipation - serious constipation that when you want to go, you need to go there and then and it can take 2-3 hours to come out!!

* NOT poo-ing during childbirth and being in a terrible constipated state POST partum, being stuck in a hospital toilet, baby back at your bedside, having to pull emergency cord and being MANUALLY removed of your waste products!!

* SPD post partum - sheer agony - nuff said

* Ditto all comments re BF not being easy

* Ditto all MS/nausea comments

* Ditto all nipple comments

* Ditto in a BIG WAY the hayfever sufferers!!

Cramps in the legs that are awful and take ages to go away.

Just a warning to newly pregnants!! Drink lots of water! Just incase of infections-they are agony! Had a kidney infection twice and it starts off as a back pain (severe! Thought I was in labour) followed by fever, violent shaking and sick! Not nice! And if you do get it-take your whole course of antibiotics-even if you feel better!

People being mean about your choice of baby names! Hits you in the gut because it gets personal! And then they come up with a name you think is awful-but you are to polite to tell them their name is 'cruel'. Its even worse when your mum goes silent when you suggest a name and to try and force you away from that name sends a 50 long list of names!

Pregnancy makes you an angrier person!

Yes the drool at night- its horrid! After my 1st baby I just wasn't expecting a puffy belly. I looked at myself in the mirror and wept bitterly. 3rd time round now i still dread sneezing as i wet my pants! I was enjoying a lovely walk on the banks of the Seine in April when a sneeze came along and ruined my outfit and my day!
The grumpiness as well in late pregnancy. I used to hate comments on my shape and size but although it still riles me i have learned to just smile sweetly and say nothing when told oh you're big/blooming/neat etc!
As this is probably our last baby I know i'll miss all this some day but right now at 36.5 weeks I wish i could be comfortable!

podrick You don't drool? You freak!! The reason is because all the ligaments and other usually stretchy tissues etc soften during pregnancy due to hormones preparing you for birth ie - watermelon popping out your ! Hence the snoring as your soft palet collapses in your sleep. Out rolls the drool like a constant tap from your fat swollen snoring hairy face. How the hell my DH got me PG again after that, he's obviously not fussy!!

I'm only fourteen weeks and already I have discovered -

Having an appetite that changes daily - one minute tomatoes are on the menu despite me hating them normally, the next I'm really into eating watercress or takeaway pizza. It makes planning meals quite tricky.

Everything being an assault on the nostrils. Everything STINKS for some time.

Being faced with the unpleasant choice of heartburn or forcing down horrendous tasting indigestion remedies that make me retch and gag.

That my feet have gone up a size and they hurt and throb if I walk around or stand on them for longer than twenty minutes.

Bursting into tears at the drop of a hat. On one rather memorable occasion for my husband, when he farted a few metres away from me in the bedroom and I broke down sobbing.

Not being able to do a proper poo from about ten weeks on.

Seriously weeing ALL the time.

Finding it hard to believe somedays that I am actually pregnant and being terrified before the first scan.

Crazed hunger - comes on very suddenly and needs to be dealt with immediately or I feel faint, dizzy and can get violent. No-one around me seems to understand that when I say I am hungry, I am REALLY HUNGRY! Then I can only eat a few mouthfuls before I feel totally full.

Snoring, much to my husband's delight.

That something mysterious happens to your brain capacity from very early on. The intellect you once relied on vanishes entirely..

I left the car unlocked with the car keys inside in a public parking lot and didn't realise until it was time to go - luckily no one had noticed, PHEW! ...This has never ever happened to me in my life!

The uncontrollable belching.

Realising that the only thing that would stop me puking in the first 3 months was to keep eating.

Feeling still exhausted at nearly 15 weeks.

Being breathless.

Finding the first scan fascinating but somewhat freaky.

This thread has made me laugh out loud!

What about the fact that your stomach shrinks to half its size and whereas you used to love food, now the only thing you really enjoy are chips!!

And the nipple thing... owwwwww

That my digestive system would forget how to digest. It would have three modes; acidic nauseus hunger / gross indigestion / excruciating heartburn.
that morning sickness was in fact evening sickness
that trapped wind, gloriously trumpeting farts and bloating would be my constant companions
that I would snore like a warthog
the blocked nose
that for the first time in my life I would feel hotter than anyone else
the cankles. God, the elephantine cankles.
that my belly button would almost disappear entirely
that my face would look pregnant, probably in part due to the four stones I gained in weight
that even after the birth, my joints would feel ancient and I would crack loudly and painfully as I hobbled downstairs in the morning
that stitches can feel as if a master baker has fashioned a cornish pastie out of the sad remnants of one's vagina
that the first post-partum poo is a horrifying prospect

...for starters

Blimey I thought I had a tough pregnancy but evidently the reality is that I escaped a fair few of the potential indignities! Drooling?? what's that about? I have Never heard that one before!

Anyone had 'guacamole' discharge? Twice. Not yellowy-green - pure mashed avocado. Yuk.

This thread should be made into a book - it's fantastic. I'm only 8 weeks with my first and already recognize so many of these, so I know I can trust the others that I never knew about. I didn't know even nice smells would make me sick. I bought a lavender filled teddy bear for the baby but it's filling the bedroom with an unbearble smell now. I can't keep my eyebrows under control. I can't do the 'lovely relaxing yoga to stay fit' because even taking a deep breath makes me want to up-chuck. I try to listen to my body but it's speaking a foreign language, and even though last week all I could eat was baked poatoes, now the thought of them is nausea inducing. And my brain has stopped working properly. And last night I woke myself up talking in my sleep...

So im the only one who's drool caused a rash on the side of my mouth similar to that of a third degree burn.
Who suddenly grew soft white fluffy hair all over face.
Got some impressive long black under chin hairs.
Who after giving birth still weighed exactly the same for weeks as the water retention got worse.
Who was woken by the junkie in the next bed screaming in my face "FFS your snoring like a bear.
and I thought id stop the man snoring immedietly after birth, silly me!
Then after all the excess hair had gone, so did half my head hair.
Im wondering why the hell im pregnant again

I can't stop laughing at this thread (or I may well cry!)

So many where I went YES IT'S NOT JUST ME! and others where I am desperately hoping it won't be me

Not sure if I can add anything new and exciting as I think everything has been said, except I am enjoying being the most zen blissed-out person I have ever been (normally compulsive worrier and control freak) Have already warned DH it won't last

Oh how about a vice like stabbing pain across the back of your ribs that makes you wake up screaming and goes away 7 hours later.....which is 5 minutes before you stagger into the doctor's convinced you are dying

We don't get given gas and air, only epidurals.. which I am very fond of. For me it was the FARTING. Dear LORD it was embarressing. Cravings for specific foods. Thirst, all the time. Groin cramps. How BFing ISNT easy, and what is 'natural' actually takes alot of work.. How hormonal I was, both ultra sensitive to any stories of children being hurt, and also HORNEY for the first few months. Unfort for DH, this phase has now passed. Now it's the opposite.

I just love this thread and keep coming back for more. Happy (and not so happy) memories!
I never expected...
The smell of newspapers would make me throw up
I would crave odd things like gravy (what's that about?)
Being told by people I did not know that I was either 'very neat' or 'huge' - on the same day
Feeling so tired I could sleep standing up
The relentless heartburn
Very interesting dreams
Asking the midwife if I could take the gas and air home with me to keep...
That I would throw up several times during labour (as if giving birth isn't difficult enough)
The curious sprinkler effect of breastmilk
....
Can't all have been bad because I am doing it all again

sifuentes, I had to drive to Dorset with tissue stuffed up each nostril. It was a delightful sight.

Ah but it's all worth it just for the Gas and Air. Which noone can adequately praise.

that no-one will be interested in your 2nd, 3rd pregnancies etc.. even your own dp/ dh is less attentive

hyper-pigmentation- aka dodgy brown patches may appear on your face, favourite is the handle bar moustache and the 'bruises' on temples

that my belly button, which never went back in after 1st pregnancy would be completely out stretched out and move an inch to the right and boast a wee skin tag

skin tags would sprout up in breast crease and armpits

ermm sure there's loads more but i need to wee...

That milks gets everywhere and you keep finding stuff around your house like towels that stink of old gorgonzola. That morning sickness lasts for the whole day and goes on until the baby comes out. That your pelvis hurts so much you can't walk.

Oh my god so agree with the leather thing. I can't stand it. I haev a leather sofa and DP has leather biking jackets so our under the stairs cupboard has to remain closed at all times and i have t breathe threw my t shirt!

w

That after a C section I would bleed!!! Wasn't expecting a section so expected to bleed for natural bith, but not a section, so when I stood up I was so shocked when it rang down my legs TMI!!

How bad the baby blues were, I cried for a whole day non stop!

Agree with so many of the above including the pain of indigestion and morning sickness lasting all day and for so far into the pregnancy.

Was also shocked that I didn't enjoy being pg, always had this rose tinted image that I would feel earthy and motherish but in reality I felt fat, hot, sweaty, grumpy and like my body had been taken over by an alien!

Oh and that I'd sweat lots and it wouldn't smell nice despite wearing a tonne of Dove everyday!

That walking and talking at the same time would become so hard.

Finally the biggest shock was that pushing could go on for so long. I really thought it would be like on tv, a couple of pushes and out pops the baby!

Woodstock I had the twins thing all the bloody time! i also had a total stranger come up to me at a kids farm and ask me if I was overdue - I was 35 weeks. Bloody cow, why would you ask someone that if you didn't know them???

that migraines stop in pregnancy (hurrah! hurrah!) but that you get nosebleeds instead. (harrumph)
that something odd involving melatonin happens, and if you have had a mole on your stomach for 20 years, it will triple in size and you will have to have it removed as everyone thinks it is skin cancer. (it is not, btw, but it will be very worrying).
that all those examinations by midwives/GPs are a very inexact science. everybody missed the fact that ds was breech and i was also told he was too small. (9lb 11, as it turned out). apart from scans, everything else is hogwash.
that strange thing with the counting - you're classed as pregnant from your last period, so you are at least two weeks pregnant before you even actually conceive, and then it's 40 weeks of pregnancy rather than the 36 (which is what nine months should surely be?) you thought it was, so you become confused and when people say "how many months?" you dont really know. i claimed to be seven months pregnant for at least two months.
that it will be VERY annoying when total strangers say "twins! how lovely!" at the sight of you, when it is NOT twins, you are just huge. on the other hand listen to them - they will have at least noticed, unlike your GP, that the baby is likely to be big....

I have just done this and it made me chuckle- Nobody told me that when you have a bath you only have to fill it 1/2 way or when you get in (due to your 39 +3 week size) the water will over flow

Sense of smell becomes like some kind of sniffer dog and the smell of leather makes you throw up (particularly bad when you have a leather sofa and leather seats in your car).

Sciatic pain so bad that couldn't sleep _at all_ from 7 months on.

Ankles and feet swelling to three times normal size.

Carpal Tunnel so bad have to wear wrist supports at night with metal plates in to stop hands bending.

Any sexual urges would completely disappear.

That being induced is the most hideous thing in the world (especially when it doesn't work the first two times).

That you can't take antihistamines when the pllen count is ten zillion.

Hair changed colour at about 8 months from blonde to brown(don't see anyone else saying this one)

And finally - Never believe the radiographer who tells you the baby is perfectly normal sized at 37 weeks when the MW and OB are saying otherwise - it will be over 10lbs, take you two days to squeeze out and leave you with a third degree tear

I am sure there were some nice surprises but I can't remember them.

No one told me that pregnancy is miserable enough without choosing walk about in clothes clearly no longer fit for 5 months in a deluded attempt to save money. I was so much happier when I succumbed to maternitywear..especially the jeans!

Gastric reflux so bad that the stomach acid has burnt away part of the valve at the top of my gullet....

Despite 2 dc and my GP telling me they would be sooo much better after having kids, periods so bad that I might have to have an op....

Not sleeping for more than 4 hours at a stretch for the last 6.5 years....

And you know what?....I'd do it again tomorrow if I could convince dh!

i can't believe no-one has mentioned pooing during labour. i can't be the only person that has happened to surely?
also no-one told me that you'd lose all sensation down there afterwards so wouldn't know when you wanted to pee. midwife just said to me'go sit on the loo every hour or so otherwise you'll stand up and wet yourself without realising or being able to do anything to stop it.'
that said i'd do it all over again i a hearbeat and this thread has for some reason got me feeling massively broody.

That people start treating you as if you're made of bone china and won't let you do anything for yourself. It's very nice for about five minutes, and then unbelievably irritating and patronising for the next nine (sorry, ten) months.

Sorry, there was meant to be "need to know" in the second last sentence - guess I'm suffering from the brain fog as well

That I would need a dictionary of acronyms to be able to decipher a forum!
That I would just need to get pregnant to make my boobs big - though they are too sore for the other half (or is that DP??) to appreciate.
That I wouldn't necessarily get any sickness or nausea.
That so many people are shocked when you say how well you are feeling and that you haven't been ill at all - sorry, but think other first time mums-to-be that it isn't all doom and gloom
That it does depend on who asks if 'it was planned' as to how offensive it is.

Ha Ha what a great thread this is!

makes me want to do it all over again... despite the itching, stretching, insomnia, emotional outbursts, heartburn, constipation...

What is wrong with me?!?!

yes - terrible morning sickness has put me off anything that has a mere suggestion of fibre - but once it passes i will get right back on it. THanks for answering though and not just pulling face at me!

Sifuentes, get some more fibre into your diet! Fruit, porridge, etc. I also found liquorice allsorts were good at helping the poos along......

Sorry this is gross but I did not know that it would take me so long to poo and that this would be partly because it would be made up od a dozen rabbit poos instead of one normal one.

Sorry. So gross but I have the rabbit poo blues.

Oh for a normal one. ONly 6 months to go...

so many of these ring true.

3.5 years on and my (inny) tummy button is still horribly sensitive - it really hurts if someone, say a 3.5 year old child, sticks their finger in it! (and she doesn't even do it hard!)

not so much about pregnancy, but I wish someone had told me that the baby needs to learn how to breastfeed too - I might have persevered...

Port and Lemon - my feet grew - see post Wed 1st 11.21 - I had to give away all my shoes too

Glad it's not just me - was beginning to feel a bit freakish there! No one believed me either .....

Oh, I consoled myself during my c-section with the thought that at least my fanjo would retain its youthful pristine glory.

EH-EHHH (Family Fortunes noise)

Okay, so I didn' tear, but it now has a painful bend in it which my cervix has shot round and refuses to come out. I have also had physiotherapy for my pelvic floor. The scar remains bald, so you have to cultivate a bit of a comb-over. Finally, the whole area has darkened in colour and increased in size.

EH-EHHH!

Many of the above, but also (which I've not seen mentioned yet) that your feet may get bigger during pregnancy and, if they do, may never go back to their original size. None of my lovely pre-DS shoes fit me any more. Of course, in parallel I never get to go anywhere I could wear heels anyway, so it's not as bad as it could be...

That you can vomit with such forceful retching that it brings your whole face out in a rash.

And after you have given birth, when you fart, it feels like it's coming out your fanjo.

That it becomes astonishingly difficult to put your knickers on unassisted.

Getting to about 17 weeks without a noticable bump the first time round, but showing about five minutes after conception with number 2! :0

Glad I'm not the only one on the pubic hair front

Oh, and the belly button pain (around six-seven months) I didn't even know I had any feeling there and never would've thought it could be a source of such agony ! Or am I the only one on this one?

Leningrad mine not only became more profuse and longer, it also CHANGED COLOUR from blonde to brown and also turned curly for the first time ever when previously it was more or less straight <normal at last>

No one told me that I would be so desperate for relief from my itchy fanjo - not thrush, just swelling and hormones - that I would resort to Bonjela in the middle of the night And for the curious, it makes you shriek and run round the entire first floor of your house for about a minute, but then affords blissful relief for 3 hours.

that my norks would smell of M & S sultana cookies

for me

sprouting ching

heh who am i kidding i am like one of those play doh hairdresser kits. sprout sprout sprout all over my whole body.

Sorry DP but I just can't keep up with it!

Ohhh Love this thread...

1. The sobbing. I was v pg with DD when the whale in the Thames thing happened. Spent all bloody day watching Sky News and then it died. Could not and would not stop crying. It was like loosing a member of my family!

2. The amount of times i heard myself say "No i'm not being unreasonable because I'm pregnant, I would feel like this if I wasnt pregnant." I soon realised telling my boss to F off is something I wouldnt "normally" do.

3. That you can virtually fit an entire arm up there

4.The bleeding afterwards... noone warned me about that one. Thought I was dying for a while until a various midwifes convinced me it was normal.

Bloody kids eh, how would have em.

Re pubic hair - it's not just you, Leningrad. I try to keep things trimmed for hygiene reasons (not easy to do flying blind), but I still keep catching glimpses in the mirror and thinking "What's Brian May doing in my bedroom, and isn't he short in real life?"

That, as you tried to pay for something, you would forget the pin for your debit card. Which is also the pin for your credit card. Which means you are completely stuffed and can't do any shopping or take money out the machine.
I'm 40 + 4 - this happened yesterday in the vet and I still can't remember the pin.....

Ah yes, your belly button changes shape permanently, most odd!

I wish I had known:

That the smell of coffee would make me retch from the beginning, and that drinking any caffeine at all would turn my stomach. (I got very into peppermint tea)

That the baby can be in the birthing position for the entire pregnancy to get lots of lung-kicking in.

That your own mother will only comment on how she never got morning sickness, while I threw up in a bin at the bus stop... (sorry for the tmi)

That anti-epilepsy medicine can get into the breat milk so I would have to bottle feed and could only give my DS the colostrum, (at least he got that) which began to appear WAY too early.

That my boobs would get so huge so quickly, and that my bump would extend so far up my chest that wearing a bra at all would be agony. consequentially, I have much sag.

That if you don't constantly rub oil on stretch marks, they turn into a sea of numb yet itchyness.

Or that I would never regain full feeling in my bellybutton.

Things I wished I had been told:
I would cry whilst watching the news, the Olympic Games, charity ads and 'Many Rivers to Cross' on TOTP2.
I would be sick and have nausea for the full term. (Have you tried ginger? AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!) Yes I have, and b6, and medication, and crackers etc.
I would be the size of a house even though I kept very little down, and now have stretch marks on my boobs and thighs (but not on my belly where I expected to have them...)
Although I felt too tired and ill to go anywhere and basically hibernated whilst I was pg, I would have great hair, skin and nails until immediately after birth when my hair would fall out at a scary rate. This is compounded by ds pulling out a few every time he is picked up.
Breastfeeding is not easy. I tried, produced a small amount of green milk, (to the fascination of the hospital staff - they still don't know why it was green) and spent hours on the milking machine to get a couple of ounces. Ds is now purely on SMA and doing fine but I am often made to feel guilty about this. A staff member in my local supermarket once said to me 'you're not feeding him that formula silliness are you? I nearly punched him.
Competitive grandparents with lots of out of date advice will drive you to distraction.
Finally - and this is a big one, you might not dilate enough! I wanted a home birth and got an emergency c-section...
Ds is great though. We think he's feeling sorry for all the distress he put me through during pg and birth.

Pubic hair grows thicker and longer, or is that just me?

So it gets worse the more children u have apart from waking up at some ungodly hour
suddenly stopping mid sentence and gazing into space vacantly and then thinking what was I saying
the suddenly bursting into tears and thinking why did I do it why did I have more children
the running to the toilet and then just accepting you are just not going to make it and your DD giggling at you when you ask them to go and get Mummy a clean pair of knickers from her room
and this and much much more is after you have had the baby
When you get to baby number 4 expect everything to go southwards you will need to triple cross everything when you sneeze the bracken hicks from 15 weeks the child will drag every ounce of goodness from your body and I'm still trying to get my hair back into the condition it was 2 years ago my nails have never been the same
still getting up at an ungodly hour because DD3 is awake and wants to watch Teletubbies and then going into her bedroom and she says Hello and I totally melt and thank my lucky stars I've got her

After giving birth i (foolishly) looked in the mirror to discover I had burst practically every blood vessel in my face with all the pushing...even the whites of my eyes had turned pink! It scared the sh*t out of me and I remember asking the midwife if I would stay like that forever! It did go away in the next few days tho, much to my relief...

that even though you can fit into your pre pregnancy jeans, it doesn't mean you should actually wear them... I was in agony the night after I'd been wearing my jeans all day; and cursed the little poses I'd been doing. I didn't realise it would take so long to heal.

The unbridled joy of being able to take your first deep breath in two months after a small human is removed from under your diaphragm. <aaaaaaah>

No one mentioned the ridiculous tailbone pain, which escalates to excruciating in labour

This makes me think of a night out the other month...

I have a little girl who will be four in Oct. My friends eldest will be four in Aug. We make it a duty to share info with the childless women in the office, to avoid the darkness we felt we'd walked into. We went out on a team dinner, and were telling stories to a friend...

So we were going through all the things you didnt know... the fact morning sickness doesn't go away in the afternoon, the fact you feel somebody has turned up the temp, the extreme tidyness, the sad crying (I sobbed for four hours after writing something on the wrong line in DD's baby book, DH was promising to get me a new one, but I kept wailing "but I will know forever) etc etc. I said about how people will keep asking after your nipples, and that midwives will handle your breasts without asking.

And then we got talking about stitches. Childless friend looked disgusted at the idea of tearing, so my friend (with the baby) said...

"oh, and they use a torch to look to see if you need stitches."

my childless friend refused to believe it was true, friend with child adamant that somebody had looked up there with a torch to check for tearing. Childless friend asked me to verify, I burst out laughing as I had a section proving that despite having one child, I still dont know all there is to know!!!

I really thought my belly button would ping back and I would be able to wear my pre-pregnancy clothes again..

Leaky fanjo and random hair growth - or lack there of. I also suddenly developed car sickness where none was before and it hasn't left now even though dd is 16 months.

And I forgot about the drool, thanks OP, had a little chickle remembering that.

No one tells you that actually you might not be able to produce anywhere near enough milk for your baby

No one tells you your boobs don't always grow during/after pregnancy

No one tells you that you'll only be able to get a quarter of an ounce in an hour of breast-pumping

No one tells you not to bother with breast pads, waste of money as you won't leak

(can you see I still have ishoos? )

No one tells you not to get your hopes up about a water/home/natural birth

No one tells you that if you've had a previous c-section you won't be allowed in the MLU/birthing pool

The night sweats post birth - so pleased I see lots of women get this!

The CM is ridiculous! I even still get huge amounts and DS2 is 15 weeks old! - When does it stop?

becoming one of the 'fat people' that overtake hackneybird!

Not being able to stop eating in the first 20 weeks.
Pubic bone separating at 26 weeks
Being on crutches by 30 weeks
Being in a wheelchair by 34 weeks
Gaining over 4 stone
Giving birth in the hottest week of the year and having infected stitches in 95 degree heat.
But he's wonderful and I adore him, even though I'm still 2 stone overweight a year later with a dodgy pelvis, a fried brain and a wardrobe full of clothes that won't cover my vast girth.

I did not know:

that pregnancy lasted 10 months, not 9

that I would have to pee 4-5 times per night for months on end

that turning in the bed would become a military operation

that I would be constantly mishandling/dropping things, and cutting myself all the time while cutting food

that i would miss sleeping on my back so much

that I would feel an irresitible urge to wash and iron baby clothes over and over

that toward the end of the pregnacy I would be much less afraid of the birth giving compared to the beginning

Waking up with swollen fingers which are too painful to bend, so you can't wrap them around the handle of the cafetiere to pour yourself your (desperately needed) one cup of coffee for the day. Of course, the cafetiere is too hot to just pick it up with two hands (although you seriously consider this option for a moment). So you wind up mournfully staring at it, considering a hormone/lack-of-caffeine induced bout of tears until DH comes out and rescues you by pouring you a cup.

Not being able to wear skirts for months because of your giant purple feet and cankles.

OK, and this is a bit of a naive one - not realising that pregnancy lasts ten months (40 weeks) instead of 9 and feeling very ripped off about that.

Starting out pregancy determined to be one of those "together" women who look lovely throughout, and finishing pregnancy wearing tracky pants and DH's t-shirts ALL THE TIME as nothing else fits, and you can't bear the thought of leaving home to buy something you will only wear for a few weeks as you can't walk far and the tube is too overwhelming.

Having people you did not realise cared give you baby presents and being really touched by that.

Hi - just found out I'm pregnant - got lots to look forward to then ha-ha?

Nobody's mentioned itchy palms. I have to run around the house rubbing my hands against different surfaces to try and find relief. It's especially bad after washing up, which I can now barely reach to do.

Also the total lack of inhibitions about my body - I have to stop myself from hanging up the washing and answering the door in only my pants - I'm guessing this gradual decline in dignity is good preparation for labour?

That pregnancy thrush didn't go away until the birth.

That even after a membrane sweep you can still be convinced your early contractions are trapped wind.

That the contraction-timing iPhone app is much more effort than it's worth.

That pedestrians get out of the way of a heavily pregnant woman, but not one pushing a pram.

I never realised that it would take me twice as long to get anywhere as I have to walk so slowly. I get overtaken by elderly ladies and fat people!

Oh the joys of pregnancy and after the birth!

Yes, the night sweats - no one told me and I thought I was dying.

Bleeding during labour - WTF! as if afterwards isn't enough you have to wear maternity pads before the baby even comes out!

Memory loss - or something....vague ramblings...

Headbutts to the cervix...in the shops and whilst driving can be very dangerous.

Total inhibition when in labour - I will not put my clothes on I want to give birth in just my socks!

How far breast milk can fire when you jump in a nice hot shower.

How good a hot bath feels after months of tepid 'let's be safe' baths.

That induction is not always a nice quick process and you can still have a 36 hour labour!

That the midwife will want to check your stitches even once you are home - for what seems like an inappropriately

That you will need all your dinners cut up for you for 4-6 weeks after the birth as every time you pick up a knife and fork your LO will want to be fed.

That (I have no idea why I thought otherwise) when they break your waters it is quite warm and feels like wee. I thought they'd be cold????

That you can leak through super-duper breast pads x3 over night, and might end up wearing a muslin square as a type of large boob sanitary pad.

That you will actually forget all of this and do it again - on Friday - this week - what have I done???????

I didnt realise i'd have lots of discharge !

Or that i would become a huge moan-alot, telling people how to raise there children...etc

Heartburn- never had it untill now !

I cant sleep past 8am

When you ''pump#'' it is so horrible you try to run away from your own smell !

The amount of dreaming you do, about the weirdest things !....................

Just how the Midwife checks dilation during labour.

Never even crossed my mind til she was elbow deep

That in spite of all of the crazy side effects of pregnancy, it is rather addictive? DD is 5 months old, and I am ready to do it all over again :O

That after 6 solid weeks of bleeding you may only get a few weeks off before your period comes back. Even hough you are breastfeeding every second of the day and night.

There is a period around the early 20 weeks when you are starting to loosen up and fall over your feet all the time. DH shouted at me the first time after tripping up 3 times when we were walking down the road. Cue toddler type crying in teh middle of the pavement. he was more understanding this time

Needing to wear a bib or apron when eating because inexplicably bits of food always ended up on the bump...

That there's total loss of dignity in hospital. If you have a bad tear most of the staff in the maternity unit need to stare between your legs on a regular basis. When a midwife asked if a student could look too I replied 'why not? everyone else has.' When you're trying to breastfeed midwives and assistants grab your boobs and nipples and pull in all directions without even asking you first. I'm expecting number 3 and really hoping for a home birth.

And that I'd get really itchy skin in pregnancy for some reason. Especially bad at night and in heat (ie now).

that my feet would grow an entire size

That morning sicknes can also be afternoon sickness, and evening sickness, and can go on for the whole 9 months.

That indigestion and heartburn will haunt your waking and (not) sleeping hours.

The excrutiating pain of a heel lodged just under your left ribcage. I saw a pregnant woman in the street the other ay with her hand placed on the exact same place and in obvious pain and really felt for her.

That you wake up the day after giving birth and still look pregnant!!

That on <adopts Big Brother Voice here> "day three, postpartum and slug has turned into Dolly Parton"

Just the miserable unrelenting slog of it all for 9 months - give me childbirth and a newborn any day over pregnancy! I found it much harder to be pregnant and have to try and carry on with normal life (eg work, running the house) than having a newborn is now (though dd is pretty good and sleeps for 4 hours at a stretch, so that may be why!)

First night home from hospital I slept dead FLAT on my BACK - what bliss! Just the feeling of being normal sized again and being able to stride around purposefully without getting totally exhausted is the best ever. As is the feeling (caused in part by bfeeding) of being able to tuck in and enjoy a huge mountain of food without nasty after effects, and actually be able to feel your body working it all off in feeding the baby and walking round town.

My dd is only 4 weeks old however and I am already getting a bit coo-ey about the thought of another one, and another, and another!!!

That I would get such a beautiful chloasma moustache that comes back if the sun even threatens to come out.
That a mucous plug could be so very disgusting but fascinating at the same time.
That the sleeping patterns DS got into towards the end were to be his sleeping patterns once he was out. Yawn.

I didnt realise that towards the end of your pregnancy and the baby is kicking it always seems like it is in the same place, and you actually feel bruised inside some days.

I also thought my son would be born with massive talons instead of nails because sometimes it felt like he was dragging them along my insides.

Also that during the first part of your pregnancy the sense of smell was so strong that some of your old favourites eg lasagne would smell now like dog food!

I also think packing your hospital bag is an impossible task... the guidelines are so vague, some baby grows, some vests (yes but how many), I had to pack and repack the bloody thing many times just so I'd be able to carry it in the door.

Being kicked in the cervix feels like have a smear taken from the inside.

The most horrendous wind, most of it trapped, terrible constipation followed by the runs, totally disrupted bowels.

Never mind the expanding chest, what about expanding feet? I was a size 9 before I started all this, now a size 10

Thread veins in my legs, I look like I have a road map printed on them.

Maternity jeans never ever stay up, even when you are full term and huge you're still walking around holding on to your waistband.

The great skin and hair really don't start until you're too tired and fat to go out and show it all off, first trimester is spent looking like a greasy spotty teenager.

Being an emotional wreck, crying over the most trivial things.

After the birth things don't get much better; crying at 3 in the morning for absolutely no reason.

They don't tell you you'll get a lovely little overhanging bit after you've had a cs

No one warns you about the ridiculous amount of milk you have in the first couple of months and that you can easily fire it across a room. I used to wonder why after I'd dried off after a shower my feet were still wet and then realise milk was pouring out of me on to them!

Just to add ... not having ANY idea that a C section is really a very big deal to recover from when you weren't expecting to have one. And the baby's head pinging off your pelvic floor making you immobile from time to time when walking otherwise normally. And that bus journeys are not a good idea when in late pregnancy for the same head-pinging reason ...

Horrid taste in my mouth for so long that I didn't realise it was there
Restless legs
How much I would miss lying on my back
I did know hyperemesis could last all day every day for 9 months I just hoped it wouldn't. It did.
That after labour every single muscle in my body would ache (d'uh).
That I would recognise my babies heel when she was born because I spent months tucking it back in when she kicked it out.

That I would feel absoultly amazing after birth, because I wasn't pregant any more and all my symptoms went away, and food tasted nice for the first time in 9 months (even hospital food) and I had a gorgeous baby and best of all I WASN'T PREGNANT
DD is 20 months and I still get a feeling of relief whenever I see a pg woman.

Yankn - that sounds like a seagull attack - if they are threatened they fly over and vomit on the offender until they go away. Hang on, I think I've just the job I might be ideally suited to...

'The words 'Have you tried ginger biscuits' now send me into an instant homicidal rage.'

You need to join my 'Anti-Ginger Avengers' gang. If anyone mentions ginger to a pregnant woman (particularly one with hyperemesis), we swoop down out of the sky and slap the offending commenter. Some of us also offer a vomit-on-her-shoes service.

That my bits would move: things that had once been tidily out of the way underneath would suddenly and inexplicably be ^at the front^ and doing a passable imitation of a baboon on heat.

That my boobs would suddenly start to hurt so much, months and months before they were needed.

The nausea...the unforgettable, relentless misery of it, all day every day for months.

The leg cramps in the middle of the night (although they did serve a purpose because they were more painful than my contractions, so I had something to use for comparison during labour)

The outpouring of unsolicited advice from every other female I encountered. The words 'Have you tried ginger biscuits' now send me into an instant homicidal rage.

The sheer number of times that it is possible to need the loo in one night.

metallic

wasabi - your lucky that you're blonde!

just remembered, i also had bleeding gums and weird mettalic taste in my mouth.

and when i tried to brush my back teeth, it would trigger my (now) very sensitive gag reflex and help along the 'morning' sickness.

Morning sickness lasts all day.
It is worse if you just are nauseaus (sp?) as you get no relief and have to eat ginger biscuits (yuk)
Cramp in the middle of the night is worse then contractions
If you can't eat the food you are craving then woe betide anyone who gets in your way
You forget whay you are doing and why and have to ask 12 year old dd why you are going to the shops 20 times on the way and again when you get there.
Your bladder is an excellent trampoline
Your ribs are just plain in the way and baby will do anything to move them
You look like you ate all the pies but in reality after half an apple you are so full you want to burst

As soon as baby is born you will forget all the discomfort and plan for the next one

the way you suddenly like pink for a nursery, even though you always swore you'd never be that conventional .

Unreliability:

Feeling tired and not being able to sleep.
Feeling full of beans, then falling asleep while you sit down to put your shoes on.
Waddling urgently to the toilet to find that nothing comes out.
Making yourself macaroni cheese from scratch after dreaming about it all day, then sitting down to it and thinking "Blerg."
Gagging to get your DP on their own because your libido has gone bonkers, then finding yourself wondering if Big Brother's on the second you get your knickers off.

Oh nomorecake the nose thing is grim. I think that happenned to me once or twice as well.

I forgot the hairy tummy as well. I got a very downy covering of blonde hair on my belly. Seriously freaky.

oh wasabipeanut i'd forgotten about the lack of bladder control while throwing up.

sicking up , weeing myself, and then crying about it. <<sigh>>
oh and sick coming out of my nose too!

basically you leak from everywhere!

You see, all of these horrors and bizarreness is totally worth it for that wonderful, liberating, holy grail feeling of...

being able to walk down the road breathing out. Aaaaahhhh, the joy of not having to suck your stomach in all the time. They were the happiest moments of my life <<sigh>>

not sure if i should admit this, but ds would get hiccups, at first it was cute. but after two months of really long periods of hiccups at least 3 times a day i got really fed up and irritated by it.
it was like a twich like tapping on the side of my bump.

funny though, he barely ever hiccups post birth!

Also

how powerful my sense of smell would become in the 1st trimester. the scent of a banana from 10 meters away sent me to the bathroom retching!

completely exhaustion for the first three months, i slept for at least 16 hours on quite a few occaisions.

insominia, later on.

two weeks of being an emotional wreck and crying buckets at everything from the bad news stories, to dropping a pen lid.
even funny things start with a giggle, ended up blubbing.

oh and not fogetting SCIATICA! argh!

That I would sometimes pee myself as I was puking because of sheer force.

That I would bleed during labour - that freaked the hell out of me.

That the pain caused by a "long" baby of around 7-8 months gestation kicking up into my ribs was really quite eye watering.

The night sweats afterwards. <wasabi shudders at memory and reminds herself that she is 9 weeks pg again>

that my body which only does long long long labours thinks it's funny to give me complete(not my usual drifting off for an hour or two stuff) insomnia for the two nights before i go into labour. then with laoburing through one night,the first night of staring into lo's eyes,then the infamous first night at home, i'm counting FIVE whole nights without sleep!!!!!!!

Stomach muscles that feel like I spent yesterday afternoon doing hundreds of sit-ups, though the last sit-up I ever did was a looooong time ago.

That you can't take hayfever medication when pregnant.

That it might be twins even if they don't run in your family!

Spending more than half of it in hospital

Dreams both before and after birth

itchy twitchy legs - maddening!

loopiness that sense that there is a veil between you and the world that you can't and don't want to penetrate

waddling that you cannot get your legs together to walk....

Oh God, the crying was so embarrassing.

DH came home from work one day and found me wailing in front of Home & Away. I doubt I'll ever live it down.

And the dribbling. Though apparently it doesn't happen to everyone. My boss asked me how pregnancy was going and I said Jesus Christ, I need a spittoon by the bed and she (mother of two children) looked at me blankly. A tumbleweed or two might have drifted through the office.

I honestly didn't know that you bleed during labour while dilating.

So I properly panicked when gore started oozing out with contractions while still only a few cms dilated.

That even though I had gone off sex, I would have orgasms in my sleep

The MiL treating you like you're her surrogate.

The thing that surprised me was the number of people who would tell me their horror stories of childbirth / pregnancy. I have vowed never to do the same thing. Luckily I had a lovely pregnancy. Childbirth different matter but I have vowed not to tell you about that so I won't. The important thing is that I got the result I wanted - a lovely little boy

And yes Imoscarsmum, completely agree with you everytime I look at him I feel like I love him a bit more everytime.

That a pregnancy actually lasts eight months and three years

Ignore all tales of horrific births - your birth will be different as it'll be your birth and you will cope.

Also ignore jealous parents who tell you to sleep now, as it'll all change soon (in a patronising voice). This is because:
1. sleeping from now until birth still won't make sleepless nights easier, so just sleep when you can/need to
2. You will cope with it all, even lack of sleep. And not all babies are poor sleepers, some are, some aren't but you'll be fine.

Just enjoy your pregnancy and revel in it. It tok us 12 m to conceive, DD is now 9m and it still blows me away that I grew a human being!!!! I still feel very honoured. The slushyness never leaves you.

LOL receptacle

I think "receptable" was a hit by Mel & Kim in the 80s

oh dear me, yes...

You will become a receptable for unsolicited advice & old wive's tales and will hear every birth story under the sun.

You need to try and spot the people who have been there and done that, but AREN'T offering you advice or anecdotes. Better still, people who ask how you are feeling, and don't follow it up with a story about ow they were feeling when they were pregnant 2 / 5 / 10 / 30 years ago. These are the golden ones. These are the people who want to hear how it is for you and recognise that every pregnancy and birth is different.

In fact, these are the very people you should be asking for advice from!

not sure if anyone else has mentioned this but...

When you bump into friends or colleagues EVERYONE is entitled to comment on your size, but NO-ONE is allowed to have the same opinion.

Within one day you can be described as 'very neat', 'carrying triplets or a huge baby', 'hardly showing', 'nearly ready to pop', 'losing weight' and 'carrying a lot of fluid'. When asked how long you have left to go EVERYONE is shocked, whatever number you say.

Pregnant women rarely resort to actual violence but, in this situation, we are legally entitled to pull someone's nipples until they really hurt.

Good list VAB - Huge boobs and brain size of pea... I wonder if there's some sort of formula we could predict the relative change in size with?

I'm a 38G now, so my brain must be about 2cm³.

• Twitchy feet in bed
• HUGE boobs from the moment you're pregnant (2 cups sizes!!)
• Brain the size of a pea
• Constant need to wee and track down nearby toilets
• Crying for no reason
• Agonising hip pain when trying to sleep
• The amount of carbs needed to try and control sickness
• The tiredness

I am very grateful to the people who posted about the breast milk/watering can effect. These kind women have saved me from possible horror and alarm come January. THANK YOU.

I did not realise that I would:

a) Cry at crappy songs on radio.
b) Cry when DH does anything nice for me.
c) Have to make a concerted effort to stay awake past 7pm.
d) Grow 2 bra sizes in the first 8 weeks.
e) Go from 'Let's bonk on the sofa during the adverts' to 'Don't ever come near me with that thing ever again' within a short space of time.
f) Have strange period-type pains for the first 8 weeks.
g) Be repulsed at the thought of meat AND vegetables and only want to eat processed tomato products from Heinz.

yes! I have done that Poledra! (car door) but have had the rib thing too.

You lose the ability to judge the size of gap you can pass through - this may seem obvious, but until you've hit your bump with the car door when shutting it (firmly!), you don't really know.

DH wishes someone had warned him that, at random intervals and with no regard for propriety, his wife would snarl 'Will you get your bloody foot out of there?' whilst attempting to dig the heel of her hand underneath her ribs.

Yes and I've managed to carry on the muttering under my breath since I gave birth... I'm now one of those women who walks around the supermarket (taking out displays, old people etc with my pram) talking to herself

Ha ha not just me then

Also, that you will lose your balance and keep walking into displays/other people in shop aisles and muttering under your breath like a drunkard.

GentlyDoingIt - I'd forgotten about the dropping things and not caring

I remember when I went on maternity leave, I made my partner rearrange the bottom kitchen cupboards in case I wanted anything from it in the day when he was at work.

The drooling, what on earth is that about?

Keep stubbing my toes because I'm misjudging distances.

And sore, sore nipples, so sore, and still bfing DS, ouch, ouch, ouch.

Erm, does anyone else find that this problem is compounded by the fact that they drop things for a pastime?

I've lost count of the number of times I've been holding something and my hand has just decided it can't be bothered to hold it any longer. Butter knives, hair grips for DD, things I am carrying around whilst tifying up.

This morning I was putting my deodorant on and my hand just went "This is all too much for me," and dropped it. It makes me laugh!

I just dropped a jar lid on the floor and thought of this one...

No-one tells you that for about 3 months of your life (5 if you have a c-section), the floor and everything under a foot tall on it will be out of bounds to you.

Also, that after about 2 months of this you will cease to care, and your house will be littered with tissues, socks, earrings, toys, bits of veg that have shot off the chopping board, kitchen utensils and panty liner wrappers.

That towards the end you wake up in the middle of the night and need to turn over and can't because you are SO ENORMOUS. I used to wake dh up sometimes and snivvle at him until he brought out the industrial winching equipment and helped me turn over .

Oh thank god it's not just me who forgets how to drive!

no one mentioned the fact that you might not get the energy boost in the second trimester - that in fact you might just feel crap all the way through your pregnancy!

no one told me about:

the post natal hair loss
that the after pains get worse with subsequent children (with no 3 I was convinced I was in labour again but minus the gas and air)

The sheer exhaustion just from walking 100 metres down the road.
Just someone looking at your breasts makes them throb uncomfortably.
Trying to go for a wee before you get sick, yet you still manage to erm... leak.
Boobs leaking in the night and drying with your top stuck to your nipples so when you try to take it off in the morning you get a delightful "ripping a plaster off your nipples" sensation!

Afterwards the one thing that really suprised me was the amount of blood and blood clots. When they say normal sanitary towels wont do they really mean it!!!

the rib ache
the heart burn- esp from milk?!?!
the wetting myself when i sneeze
the pain between my legs when i walk
the swelling, that my shoes dont fit me

arghhhhh

( i have a dd who is 11 months and i am 33 weeks pregnant- silly me for doin it all over again)

Definitely missed out on the fact that my body would make up for missing 9 periods with a 5 week long ooze after the birth. Great.

And the leaking breasts at 20 weeks, first time (body couldn't be bothered with dc2) - I thought someone had dropped an orange felt pen in the bed until I woke up wondering why my boobs were wet!

*irritable

The irritablke legs. OH GOD.

Then I forgot and got pregnant again. I'm 5 weeks, and oh what a surprise, I can't sleep for my own legs!!

at Bucharest nearly giving her dentist a pantless surprise!

Certainly no one told me that my production of earwax would increase ten-fold <uurgh>

no one told me about the humiliation of walking round the shops and then randomly screaming 'OW OW OW' as it felt like something pushed your appendix under your hip - and this is only week 21 - can hardly wait to see what other delights await me lol!

Also never warned me that men would now feel the need to grab my bump every time they see me!! This in particular freaked me out a whole lot lol!

x

I didn't know that you can feel the indentations in the skin from stretchmarks. Freaked me out the first time I felt it.

Plus the leg cramps, drooling, snoring & leakage.

Also how slowly time can go by in the last few months...

LOL @ "colostrum is orange"

Rib pain. I forgot about that. JB's bum was rammed into my left ribs. They still hurt . He's 16 months old!!

SPD
heartburn
feeling like your fanjo is dragging on the ground after you
afterpains
piles
that breast milk does come out one central hole but 5-6 jets none of which point in the same direction
colostrum is orange
SPD SPD and SPD again

Ooh yes, postnatal neck sweats Between those and my leaky norks it was like sleeping in a swamp.

Things I didn't know happened in pg, and got (in force):

Agonising leg cramps at night

Chronic heartburn

Permanently stuffy nose yet supersonic smelling powers (eg the guy on the far side of the offices with his greasy hair, uurgh!)

Feeling hot all the time (great in winter! Saved a fortune on heating!)

Going to the toilet 2,3,4x a night...

Thirsty all the time (or was that just the undiagnosed gestational diabetes?

Your tummy feeling like you'd just downed three roast dinners plus pudding, on the trot

Forgetting what your nethers look like

Not being able to TWIST! let alone BEND!

First trimester = exhausted, can't do anything
Second trimester = bursting with energy, can do everything!
Third trimester = exhausted yet obsessed with doing everything

and finally:

NOBODY TOLD ME ABOUT THE GODDAM NIGHTSWEATS AFTER THE BIRTH!!!

I'd forgotten about the night sweats...mine were very specifically around the neck. Neck sweats. It was minging.

Had also forgotten about the lovely 'don't give a shit' about anything not pregnancy-related feeling too though That I liked.

That you lose all sense of dignity and, well, sense and get so used to grown men whose first names you don't know shuftying about up your nethers, that you have to chant to yourself, like a mantra, in the dentist's waiting room...."Don't take your pants off, it's just teeth this time"

Oh, and that just brushing your teeth can make you gag.

That your nose develops superpowers. I could smell the tap water while brushing my teeth a week before my BFP.

And that the bionic nose can stay with you for years after. I can still smell things that other people never notice.

And that you can have a stuffy nose for 9 months straight and then never notice that it's cleared up once l.o. is born.

Chronic constipation. Just lovely.

I'm with DAISY on the dreams... and I had the libido to go with them! I spent the last four months trying to drag DH to bed, though he really went off the idea once he could feel the baby kicking. And telling myself that there was NO WAY I'd go off sex after the birth.

Of course, after the birth I spent four months pushing DH out of bed...

See I can't believe this got to two pages and no one had mentioned the nipples before! I never read about it anywhere when I was pg, no one told me about but when I quietly asked friends who had been pregnant if they had experienced similar, they were all 'Oh yes! The nipples!! Dreadful!". And yet no one tells you

Oh God the nipples. I remember walking round the fridge aisle of Sainsbos trying to buy dinner with both arms folded over my chest and my nips stinging like buggery. I bought a little hottie bottie to shove down my bra but it didn't reach both nips at once. And this was in August'

never mind if it's cold - if you're pg your nipples hurt if you even look at them! and after 18 weeks 'out', your former 'innie' will hurt that much too.

that your body temp goes up by a degree or three so that you will feel feckin hot regardless of actual temperature. yes, that was me walking around Reyjavik with my coat unbuttoned, in January!

oh and the blubbing. all the pathetic, spontaneous, uncontrollable snotty blubbing at every teeny little thing. with a bit more blubbing for afters.

These have made me LOL. I haven't had any DC yet - oh what joy lies ahead!

I certainly did not know that about breast feeding gentlydidit - and I've cared for loads of BF babies!

1. That if it's cold your nipples hurt so much that the urge to rub them to warm them up (even when you're somewhere where it would be deeply inappropriate) is almost overwhelming. And that dipping them into a sink of warm water when you get home is all you can think of. (nb - this probably doesn't apply in summer pregnancies!)

2. That however afraid you are of labour, by the end of pregnancy, you are so desperate for it to be over that you are no longer scared but instead wander around muttering "Bring. It. On"

Oh and for those who are planning to breastfeed or express, just wanted to check you know that breastmilk comes out of a number of holes in your nipple, like a flower hose on a watering can.

I didn't know this and phoned my midwife after my first attempt to express wailing "Please help, I think I've broken my boobs"

whocare, have a glimmer o fhope here, my afterpains were far worse with dc2 than dc3 or dc4. I also demanded voltarol to take home with me!

after birth
night sweats

that I would have incredibly vivid pornographic dreams.

that trapped wind fucking hurts. I thought I was having a heart attack with DD when I was driving. I was in so much pain I couldn't move the gear stick and was in the middle of an incredibly busy junction in the middle of rush hour...scary stuff.

that the tiredness you experience in pregnancy pales into insignificance when compared to the extreme fatigue of the first few weeks of your baby's life.

how much CM you would produce and that you would need shares in always by the end of your pregnancy.

that you would recognise your baby blindfolded just by their smell alone and that other people's babies would smell odd......my sister asked me to hold her 6mo old DS when my own DS was just a few weeks old. the smell of him was like slap around the face....and I remember thinking "that's not my baby" quite strongly.

but...the reason no one tells you these things is that you probably wouldn't take them in anyway in your TTC or early pregnancy euphoria. It's not until you are in the middle of it does it become relevant!!

Being told by my wonderful SIL when I was pregnant with dd1 that if I have a natural birth do not under any circumstances wee afterwards without pouring warm water on your grazed flaps!!!!! sorry tmi its the way she put it - but omg am I so glad I took her advice .

I now take my own jug into hospital with me as so many midwives have told me it wouldn't be necessary Its more necessary than the toast!!!!!!!

didnt know about the cramps either, when i would waking up screaming at DH to massage my legs and then shout even more when he wasnt massaging my leg hard enough!

also didnt know about the snoring and that you could lose control of your bladder before the birth of the baby, i thought it only happened after

getting pleurisy. because baby shovelling your abdomen up into your lungs has caused the lung lining to stick to your lung.

They give you gas and air for the after pains after number 4 whocares!

Most def, 150%, without a shudder of a doubt......

AFTER PAINS!!!!

After DC2 I thought they had left a twin in.

After DC3 I was on all fours in agony

Dreading DC4

No-one ever mentions them LOL

Nosebleeds. Godawful headaches in the first trimester. Random stabbing pains in various parts of the body. Skin tags. Shocking leg cramps.

Very glad to hear I'm not alone with the drooling either.

Mahoosive leg cramps in the night.

Heartburn. It's really unpleasant.

Oh yes, the tiredness is unbelievable. 1st time round I remember sitting on the sofa after work and waking up at dinner time wondering what the hell had happened.

Lochia.

I honestly didn't know that you bled afterwards. How innocent was i?

When i read it in the Boots book i though "Oooh i wonder what else there is i don't know"

Silly Me!

How small the gap is between getting your positive pregnancy test and starting to feel like shit.

That you will be wide awake at 4am, regularly, and for no obvious reason. And you will have scarily vivid dreams when you do sleep.

How that tiredness people talk about in the third trimester doesn't come on gradually - you walk smack into it in week 30.

That you will fart, and they will smell so bad that even you will be repulsed by them

I am sure the Miriam Stoppard books never mentioned that I would have to start shaving my nipples.

1)The colour of the thing that leaks from my boobs is bright custard yellow!!!!
2)how painful indigestion actually is
3)The location of toilets becomes ones first priotity
4)Needing to drink all the time- even through the night
5)the day to day - I think I'm going to sit on the babies head down below pain

My complete inability to deal with current affairs in case there is any mention of bad things happening to mothers & babies (or bad things happening in places where mothers & babies might be, i.e. the ENTIRE WORLD)
Odd libido
Orgasms making my bump throw weird shapes
A rather lovely "don't give a sh*t" attitude to most things non-pregnancy related
Not being able to eat due to morning sickness (at the start) and heartburn (at the end)
That morning sickness lasts all day and feels like a whisky & red wine hangover

That as pregnancy progresses, when you lay on one side, baby kicks the hell out of the stomach wall, when you lay on the other, it uses your bladder as a football.

That I would
1)Need a piss every 5 seconds in my last trimester
2)Have 34GG cup tits when the whole thing was done and dusted, they are still an impressive F cup, I was a D cup before I got pregnant.
3)Need 2 doubled up super sized maternity pads after having DS to have any chance of my knickers staying the colour they were intended to be.
4)Sob at "let loose, crazy for you" on MTV when about 38 weeks gone because it reminded me of being young and carefree.

That you burp every five minutes, but that it isnt as bad as the gas you get from t'other end...

I din't know about the leaking either or the restless legs or the cramp in the night.

I also didn't know that morning sickness comes (for me) hand in hand with motion sickness - in cars, buses and trains!

1. That you could be sick throughout (well from before I knew I was pg until 39+4 anyway)
2. That needing to go to the loo all the time doesn't necessarily stop once you've had DC
3. That the GP was wrong when she said the pain from my dislocated spine (during pg) was much less than I would face during labour
4. That the second trimester went past so quickly that I didn't get time to enjoy what's supposed to be the best bit
5. That your boobs could go up 2 cup sizes in a week

Oh the joys

That you could get so fed up with being pregnant (towards the end), that you would wake up in the morning and for that brief moment before you're properly awake would think 'Oh thank God I'm not pregnant anymore' before putting your hand on the elephant-sized bump and feeling your heart sink just a little bit......

Oh and that you seem to lose 50% of your brain power during pregnancy, this decreases to around a 90% loss following labour and sadly you never seem to get it all back. I still forget what I'm talking about mid sentence, regularly forget my address, ds birth date and more worringly how to drive and DS is 8 weeks old now.

My favourite saying during pregnancy and now is "well I did use to be clever!"

That your breasts balloon from before you even pee on a stick. I just assumed that that would happen towards the end, closer to when they become useful.

Sorry I know that I'm getting very carried away, but really you should be warned about the post childbirth poo. Especially with the piles! I wish I'd had warning about it. Sorry if tmi.

1. That I'd need to go for a wee before I could leave the house. And then go for another one JUST before leaving just to be sure. And then get 5 mins up the road only to need another wee.

2. Snoring. Waking myself up by snoring.

3. Crazy dreams. Scary dreams. Sad dreams.

4. Leg cramps in the night, which made me leap out of bed screaming and DH thought I'd gone into labour every time.

5. I got hiccups (just one or two at a time) regularly and for no apparent reason - they came out the blue and susprised me. Often in the middle of a meeting.

I didn't know my boobs would start leaking before I gave birth, nor that it would be so early on (about 18 weeks).

I didn't know about the drool.

I didn't know I'd become a full time Tena Lady due to weeing myself during barfing sessions, sneezing fits, laughing heartily, etc.

I didn't know the Tena Ladys would also come in handy for the stupid amount of discharge.

With all this leaking going on, is it any wonder I woke up one morning, noticed some wetness in my belly button and thought 'FFS, how many more places can I leak from?' (It was leftover gel from the 3D scan I'd had the night before)

Oooo also, people at work who used to comment about how much I ate.... yet if I bought cakes they would never refuse them!

Yeah - and NO-ONE tells you about swollen, painful, engorged genitals and vaginal varicose veins either.

I've made it my duty to tell all my friends of child-bearing age about this.

That you feel like you need an epidural for the pain from piles in later pregnancy, people tell you that you may get piles yes, but not that you have to sleep with ice cubes between your bum cheeks and use labour breathing methods just to go to sleep for weeks on end!! Sorry for the TMI but by god, why did nobody tell me about that! I actually asked the doctor if I could be induced because of them, and was met with and told no

I found I spent a lot of my pregnancy craving all the things I wasn't supposed to eat... peanut butter, even though I wouldn't normally eat it, it was the fact I couldn't have it.

Memory loss and sometimes not even being able to finish a sentence because I couldn't remember what I was going to say.

Was so surprised at the amount of people who had so many stories to tell about the way they raised their kids, and telling me I didn't know what I'd let myself in for (turns out they were right), but it did get very patronising after the 50th time.

I was always convinced I would never succumb to the "eating for two" myth, and that those who eat more than the reccomended 200 or so extra calories a day were just being piggy.

Nobody ever told me that if I didn't shovel food into my gob constantly, I would feel sick. And that the moment hunger sets in, the retching would commence.

Am going to be the size of a house, and I'm trying to stick to healthy snacks. But seriously I eat all.the.time.

I consider myself fairly well read on all things fertility and baby, having been ttc for some time. But now I am pregnant there are things that I am still surprised about.
1. Drool - I am sure I never used to wake up in The Pool of Drool that now greets me every morning
2. Baby gender - was always adament that I would never want to find out the sex, but MY GOD the temptation to ask at the 20 week scan was nearly overwhelming! I didn't but golly...
3. That I would need panty liners some days (TMI? yes but still)
4. That listening to Matchstick Men and Matchstick Cats and Dogs on the radio had me wailing (I don't expect this one to be universal)
5. The amount of people who, when you tell them of back ache, gripes and pain, say 'well it will only get worse' triumphantly.
6. That when the baby kicks my first response is still (sometimes) 'Oh I need to fart.'

Any more???