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Am I mad to be half thinking about another baby at 45?

31 replies

hellymelly · 05/05/2009 21:04

Can't decide ,am knackered ,breastfeeding dd2 who wakes up a lot,but this is the last chance saloon! Don't know whether to try or to just enjoy the two I have.Anyone in the same boat?

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SoupDragon · 05/05/2009 21:07

Yes. As yes you are mad, not yes I'm in the same boat

moffat · 05/05/2009 21:09

I wouldn't want to myself, but if you feel that you can do it and are generally fit and healthy (aside from being knackered) then there's no harm trying.

whomovedmychocolate · 05/05/2009 21:11

Can I just remind you of the high chances of multiple births if you get pregnant at 45?

You aren't mad but perhaps a python cat would be less hassle?

KerryMumbles · 05/05/2009 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hellymelly · 05/05/2009 21:14

I just got chickens,but I am still broody..

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hester · 05/05/2009 21:16

I'm 45, with one pre-schooler and applying to adopt a toddler. I am open-mouthed at my own insanity, but seem determined to do it anyway

expatinscotland · 05/05/2009 21:17

Get a dog or a cuddly cat.

There's a name for what you've got. It's called perimenopause.

FairMidden · 05/05/2009 21:19

Would you like a loan of my hell child toddler for a day or so, just to test out the reality for a bit, help you decide?

[buys one way ticket to somewhere far away]

PortoPandemico · 05/05/2009 21:22

Umm, I wouldn't deny you the chance, but at 41 I have started think hard about my pension! And DH's lack of a pension. And the fact that DH will need to retire in 14 years - about the same time as i would hope dd goes to university. All supposed he keeps a job all that time! And that I will need to keep working to pay for that.

Actually I still THINK about the idea, in a fond, impossible way. When I had dd, I was nearly the oldest mum in the hospital. I was certainly the oldest first time mum. But I spent 2 weeks in the company of a lovely woman expecting her 5th child at the age of 46. She was SO excited, if a bit nervous as she had refused all THE tests.

She had a beautiful, healthy baby boy. Twins at that stage though........

nitemare · 05/05/2009 21:23

You're not mad. Lots of 45 year olds are healthier and fitter than 35 year olds. Depends on whether you've got loads of energy, patience, etc. I think an older Mum can be a very good Mum as she's really into the whole thing and isn't distracted by wanting to do "Youthful things" (getting legless, snogging strange men, clubbing, abseiling, etc ) You obviously really want to; you may as well give it a go, you'll be fed up if you don't even try and hit 50 and think "What if?"

hellymelly · 05/05/2009 21:24

And I thought the reaction would be fairly positive.... Gawd,with my logical brain I think it is insane but then there is the longing for another one that I can't quite shake off.I started so late, I have had both mine in my forties (only got married at nearly 40)so it seems so soon to be giving up on it all.

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whomovedmychocolate · 05/05/2009 21:29

Actually I feel the same I'd love another but feel too old - but I'm only 35

WinkyWinkola · 05/05/2009 21:35

Are you generally fit and healthy?

If so, and think you can face the physical trials it'll bring, then go for it!

hellymelly · 05/05/2009 21:35

35? you are a CHILD,you have years and years yet! I have spent a whole year since my periods came back dithering about this,partly because extreme sleep deprivation makes it hard to decide on what to have for supper never mind another baby.I am worried I will end up not trying just because I was so tired I forgot to make my mind up.I am still shuddering at "perimenopause".

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PortoPandemico · 05/05/2009 21:36

Helly, if you've got 2 still that little, and you have the energy and funds available. Then why the hell not try? All supposed that DH is in agreement. I suppose the only caveat is that the risks get ever greater, something I'm sure you're not unware of if you have 2 dcs post 40.

hellymelly · 05/05/2009 21:40

I am fit and healthy,yes,and it took twenty minutes to conceive dd2 from decision to conception so I think I might still be fertile...although I have hideous pregnancies vomit wise.if I was 35 I would be waiting another year or two but I can't do that,so its now or never.DH is happy either way.I suppose its not now so much as being 60 with a 14 year old that bothers me.

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Northernlurker · 05/05/2009 21:47

The thought of 'what if' isn't going to go away is it? That being so I think you might as well go for it and see what happens. Not a lot of difference imo between hitting 60 with your dd1 and a 17 year old in tow or hitting 60 with your dd1, a 17 year old and a 14 year old. The only difference is going to be in how you reflect on your life choices and it's probably harder to live with the regret and a 'missing' family member than it is an extra teenager.

Just - don't hang everything on this - hopefully all will go swimmingly and you'll get sprogged up with little effort or trauma - but you don't need me to tell you that at your age, it 6may^ not be easy. It would be a shame to wear yourself out wishing for this if it doesn't happen.

PortoPandemico · 05/05/2009 21:51

20 minutes! I'm impressed! I must admit, if I won the lottery tomorrow, I would be at it hell for leather. In reality, I worry how things will work out with an OLDER husband.....And he gets grumpy. And i had a VERY easy pregnancy, crap birth, EASY baby. Sods law dictates I will be sick from 5 weeks and have a screamer. Not prepared to go there at my age.

hellymelly · 05/05/2009 21:55

Good advice,thanks.If I do decide to try I think I will be able to put it in the hands of fate and not be too gutted if it doesn't happen.I have two really lovely little girls so I have lucked out already.I am a bit worried about increased risks of Downs etc.I would have the baby whatever, my concern is more that my other girls are so small that it might be stretching my attention very thin if I did have a baby that needed a bit more help.Think maybe I need to give myself a decision deadline as it is just drifting on every month...

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roseability · 05/05/2009 21:58

If you can offer unconditional love and a nice home to a child, then you are never too old IMHO

liahgen · 05/05/2009 22:01

OMG, lots of doom mongers on this thread although you did ask the question i guess.

I say go for it. . We are ttc#6 and I am 42, dh will be 40 in November. Youngest was 2 yesterday.

Don't worry about being 60, 60 is not that old in this day and age. If you can do it, emotionally, financially,and dh is up for it.

Good luck. Hope it happens quickly for oyu.

hellymelly · 05/05/2009 22:01

Aw-that has made me teary.Have love and nice enough home ( and younger perky 37 year old dh!)Also have two toddlers in bed with me though..

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Northernlurker · 05/05/2009 22:03

You need to pack the toddlers off somewhere for an afternoon whilst you and dh 'nap' at home!

hellymelly · 05/05/2009 22:13

Ha ha yes,chances for lurve are a little limited,dd2 was conceived on the sofa...liahgen my dd was two a few days ago.Two is fab isn't it? I love two year olds,even with the tantrums,they are sweeter than sweet.

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PortoPandemico · 05/05/2009 23:11

I can't help myself, but wait til you have 5 year olds! They are sweet no longer!

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