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Does it make me a bad person?

(63 Posts)
beth27123 Sun 12-May-13 17:50:48

That I want to FF? I have no problem with women breastfeeding, and if I thought it was best for my dc then I would but after a long chat with OH we think Formula will be best for both me and our future child? I am happy with this decision but feel like a terrible person?

sparkle12mar08 Mon 13-May-13 10:28:40

Fancydrawers - did you read my second post? I had started writing my first, left the computer for a while, came back, finished and posted without refreshing. I hadn't seen the OP's subsequent posts where she outlines her precise circumstances. I'm far, far from a perfect parent but it doesn't change the facts of the feeding heirarchy, I'm sorry to say. Try not to take scientific facts personally - they're neutral. It doesn't mean that one can't make decisions along with another set of facts (i.e. the OP's personal history) that is therefore different to one indicated solely by a single set.

beth27123 Mon 13-May-13 10:36:31

Thank you everyone, please don't flame the more negative posters I fully expected them and its good to see another side. I really appreciate all your thoughts and kind words.

Fancydrawers Mon 13-May-13 13:57:00

Sparkle - no I missed it, and for that I apologise. But no woman should be made to feel bad about a choice at such a vulnerable time.

BoyMeetsWorld Mon 13-May-13 17:24:13

It is good to get both sets of opinions. But the vehemence in some of these posts is exactly what makes the bf issue a hotbed.

People often don't even stop to consider the many complicated personal issues which could be behind somebody's choice not to bf before they start preaching.

For what it's worth - however much you "can't argue with scientific fact", I also would argue that nowadays there are a ton of things we do relating to parenting which aren't the 'natural' cave-dwelling way of doing it. There are many chemically enhanced, electronic creations which have replaced the 'norm'. There are a ton of vaccinations, supplements, tests, scans and interventions from pregnancy throughout childhood. None receive quite the same ear bashing as bf'ing.

It may not be 'natural' but there's no evidence that it's detrimental. The modern woman has a choice - and sometimes when it's a choice involving very personal feelings about herself, it's one she's perfectly entitled to make.

Rant over. Good luck Beth, whatever you decide.

justmeunderanothername Mon 13-May-13 17:26:25

I don't understand why you would feel like a terrible person. In my experience the people in hospital/midwives will be absolutely fine with you choosing to FF and will probably positively reinforce the idea that you do.

Teaandflapjacks Mon 13-May-13 17:52:17

BoyMeetsWorld I salute you - could not have put it better myself.

FoofFighter Mon 13-May-13 18:25:39

Really grinds my gears when a mum to be posts here of her intention to FF and people come along saying oh just try it, oh are you not going to even give the colostrum?? Seen it a fair few times over recent weeks.

Back the frig off! angry

OP, do what you want, it's completely up to you, who cares what randoms on the net think?

Phineyj Mon 13-May-13 18:34:08

Do what's best for you and lie about it if necessary! That will save having to explain personal stuff to everyone with a strong opinion. Luckily, we live in a country where FF is safe and easy to do.

And my DH really enjoys making bottles. The sciency side of it appeals to him and he likes measuring stuff.

Phineyj Mon 13-May-13 18:35:37

Oh also no of course FF doesn't make you a bad person. Not feeding your baby at all would be bad...the rest is just detail.

Really grinds my gears when a mum to be posts here of her intention to FF and people come along saying oh just try it, oh are you not going to even give the colostrum?? Seen it a fair few times over recent weeks.

I get that but I also don't want to be on a forum where someone states something and everyone just says "happy mummy happy baby" and "you do what's right for you, hun" Surely people post here because they actually want honest, sometimes uncensored, opinions.

BabyHMummy Mon 13-May-13 20:19:54

mrsterrypratchet had the op been asking for opinions on ff v bf then your point is valid. The fact she states she has made her choice but is worries about other ppl making her feel bad for that choice means that ppl having a go or pushing her to "try it" or "wait and see how you feel at time" are unhelpful and unsolicited.

Quite frankly the only statement should have been "do what is best for you" and "don't let ppl make you feel bad"

I have medical reasons why I can't bf and tbh I wouldn't be attempting it regardless of those issues. I don't really care what other ppl think although I am concerned about the bf Nazi brigade at my local hospital because of other friends experiences. I am making a choice for me and my baby AMD quite frankly "happy mummy = happy baby" is the only consideration for any decision regardless of whether happy mummy = bf or = ff

If you look at my other posts, BabyH I agree with you in this case. OP has her reasons and that's great. However, I have seen other people in these boards saying things about BF or FF that are untrue and those things get challenged.

On the happy mummy = happy baby thing... I agree about a lot of it. There are some times it is untrue. I would have been a bloody happy mummy leaving DD to CIO for the two years she decided to never sleep. However, I would have had an unhappy baby.

I also really object to the words Nazi and BF in the same sentence

lolalotta Mon 13-May-13 22:02:01

Agree with poster who said don't rule breast feeding out. I totally intended to FF my dd when she arrived, even told my midwife outright before hand as I didn't want the pressure after delivery (was planing a home birth) then she was born and it so happened that it just worked for us and I LOVED it, so much so I fed her until she was 2! I never imagined that happening in a million years, i had even bought the bottles/ steriliser/ formula...you just don't know how you might feel when baby arrives. Whatever your decision, enjoy your little baby! grin

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