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DESPERATE :(

16 replies

MEEPMEEP1989 · 05/12/2012 11:11

Hi,
I'm in a very difficult position at the moment and I'm not sure where to turn or what to do.
I'm due to give birth very soon to a little boy and I'm not 100% sure about who his father is.

It's a slightly complicated situation Im in, so, please bear with me. I have been with my husband for three years and we TTC many times resulting in several miscarriages and a stillbirth. Before I found out I was pregnant, we seperated as everything just seemed to of took its toll on us both and I needed some space to grieve and so did my husband. It was a very hard time and during our separation, I stupidly met someone else and slept with him.

Anyway, forward a week or two, me and my OH had some serious talking to do and we decided to get back together. We love one another and blaming each other and taking it out on each other about what had happened was wrong of us both and we knew we really needed each other. A week or so later, I missed my period. I was so elated and ran off to buy a test. It came back positive, I told my OH and we were absolutely over the moon. We had our twelve week scan and it was real;ly only then that this sudden , horrible realization sunk in that in fact, this wonderful little baby may not in fact be my OH.

Now, Im so close to giving birth (gone slightly over due) and Im petrified. I've never told him this possibility because of all what had happened before. I could never find the words or bring myself to tell him. All I wanted was to have a family with my husband and I'm so scared I know how wrong I've been and I've dealt with it the wrong way. He's so happy and he'd be the worlds best Dad.
I'm so scared of giving birth to my little boy and seeing him in case I dont see any of my OH in him. Its like I dont want to meet my baby which is a horrendous feeling.
I really feel at a loss. I don't know where to turn. My OH is my best friend and he's the one person I cant talk to about this. I've discussed it with my midwife but she just said ''Ill just know'' when the babys born which wasnt much help really.

I feel like I've right royally messed everything up. I wish we'd never broken up and I'd been so bloody stupid but obviously there's nothing I can do about that now. What's done is done. I just don't want to break my OH heart and I feel that no matter WHAT I do, I'm going to hurt him. I want what's best for my family and right now, I dont know what that is. I feel like Im a terrible wife and Im going to be a horrible Mother and my little boy deserves better than this

I'm not sure if the pregnancy hormones are making everything seem a lot worse and making it harder to think straight about everything.

Please, Im not looking for criticism. I already beat myself up enough about the whole thing as it is, believe me. I just need some help and advice. All I wanted was a baby and a family with my OH and now the little guy is nearly here, Im dreading it when I should be so so happy that Im going to be a Mummy

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suzyrut · 05/12/2012 11:49

Hi OP,

What a horrible situation to be in, this is supposed to be the happiest time of your life and you must be so worried. I've no doubt that the hormones are making it worse and that you must be in a spiral of worrying.

I'm not sure what advice I could give and without knowing exact dates it's hard to tell how much of a risk you're at. Was it was literally within days that you slept (unprotectd) with your dh and the other man, if it's any further apart than this then you should be able to make a reasonably informed judgement based on your EDD from your 12 weeks scan?

It doesn't sound to me like your midwife provided you with a reasonable way of being able to make a judgement unless there was a clear racial difference between the two potential fathers. Neither of my two previous children looked anything like either of us or much like each other when they were born!

If your dates don't provide much clarity and if you want to be sure the only way that you'd be able to tell with 100% certaintly would be a dna test post birth I'm not sure about the legality of doing this without consent from your dh if you really didn't want to tell him.

Sorry I'm pretty sure this isn't going to be much help but didn't want to just read and run. Take care xx