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Dec 08 Mums - Happy New Thread, You Beauties!

(992 Posts)
beans37 Tue 01-Jan-13 21:04:52

Come join me....

poisondwarf Sat 12-Jan-13 20:08:52

Had to post & run earlier and didn't get to finish what I was going to stay. spot no experience of anaesthetic but hope it goes well for B. I'm sure it will but I know I'd be feeling pretty wobbly in your position. Does B still suffer from the reflux or has he grown out of it now?

Vag if you fly into Stansted I should probably be able to pick you up.

McKayz Sat 12-Jan-13 21:05:07

Spot, hope all goes well with B.

DD is not sleeping tonight. She went to bed at 7 and all seemed well so I had a small bottle of cider. But then she keeps waking up sad so now I'm worrying. It's only 1.4 units, should she be ok?

Nolda Sat 12-Jan-13 21:10:27

Spot, my DD had a GA when she had a small growth removed from her tongue ( she was 5yrs at the time). She was only for a v short time but understand that you are feeling wobbly as I certainly was. She was 1st on the list and was bouncing around in Toys R Us in the afternoon. She had the day off school the day after but she was fine really, it was more because her tongue was sore than the GA. But then as I said she was only under for a v short time. The staff at the hospital were lovely and I was with DD when they put her under and they fetched me as soon as she came round. I hope all goes well for your DS.

JumpJockey Sat 12-Jan-13 21:30:28

Hello all. Firstly, Kayz The rule I remembered was that our local breastmilk bank said up to one unit a day was fine for donated milk, and that's from prem babies, plus it metabolizes out of milk the same way as the rest of your body, so by now you should be fine to feed dd, and even if you've already fed her it will be such a small amount as not to matter. Great news about getting her into her own bed!

i am crap and haven't been on for ages and have failed to organise anything re dates for break and here you all are doing it alreadye. blush so adding me:,
Rubena Can do most weekends if have notice (4-6 weeks) as usually work weekends (when I do) but Feb not ideal. - Surrey.
LadyT Can't do Feb 9th w'end - Oxfordshire
Arti Can't do any weekends up to and including 16 Feb, so if people want earlier I totally understand, after that I am free as a bird until the baby comes on 20 May - West London
poisondwarf weekend of 23rd Feb is out for me but happy for others to go ahead then if it suits everyone else best. Otherwise any weekend other than 1st week Easter hols (29th March-7 April) - Essex
ZJ - not free 27 Jan, 9 Feb or 23 Feb. E Yorks.
JJ - unfortunately either dh or I has choir every weekend until end of feb (failed to take the planned weekend off into account when signng onto the rota) but am free from weekend 9 March onwards, except 16 (but could swap), not 13/14 and 20 April. Cambridgeshire.

So from this, it's looking like March is best for most people, and somewhere midlandsly? I know some gorgeous cottages in Suffolk, would require a cople of drivers tho as not on public transport. And would probs mean sharing beds with hairy handed truckers each other. Frankly I'd be more than happy to share with a nice lady, as long as she promised not to tap me on the shoulder at 2am saying "I did a poo I need you to wipe my bottom".

Vagolajahooli Sat 12-Jan-13 21:42:56

Kayz it's fine, its a small amount of alcohol that gets through and don't forget her own stomach acid (it's quite effective now she is a bit bigger) will break down a fair bit of it the actual amount she will get is teeny tiny. Probably like you eating a rum ball.

Thanks PD I can come to somewhere easy for you to pick up from if that's the case.

Honsandrevels Sat 12-Jan-13 21:45:43

Hello everyone,

Please could someone add me to the list? I can't figure out c&p on my phone.

Hons: if we're looking post-feb, I'd rather avoid 1st weekend in March if possible, but free otherwise. Lancashire.

Spot No exp of children having GA but I've had about 5 endoscopies and they are very quick so he shouldn't be under for long. Give him something nice and cool afterwards as it irritates the throat a bit.

Thanks for the reassurance, folks. It's the first time, Vag, we cancelled the one he was due to have last year as we wanted to see if he'd grow out of it. But he still has significant reflux and is on a hefty whack of omeprazole so they want to have a gander.

Hoping we'll be ok to go, actually. B was copiously vomiting for 1.5 hours tonight, can't keep anything down. hmm Suspect it's noro, really hope it's short-lived and we don't all get it.
Seems a bit harsh- he had v severe pox, now noro, and shortly into hospital for a GA. His poor little system probably doesn't know what day it is...

TheInvisibleHand Sat 12-Jan-13 22:25:33

Spot, DS had GA twice (finger sliced in bicycle chain fiasco). It wasn't much fun watching him go under, so brace yourself for that, but actually he was fine and back to normal within about half a day. Hope the poor chap gets on a more even keel soon

beans37 Sat 12-Jan-13 23:07:17

Spot, thinking of you. Poor lamb. I don't have any experience, and am sure it won't be fun, but sure he'll be fine too. Chin up. How rancid for him to be so ill in the lead up to it too. Will hope its not NV for you.

We're away middle two weeks of March, but don't worry, not an issue.

Been out for dinner with a friend. Totally forgot about cells forming and had a glass of wine and black pudding before I remembered. My brain is the size of a nut. Shows how little I'm thinking about it! Whoops. But sure it's not a problem! Eek.

Kay's, fret not. Honestly, it's such a tiny amount that gets through. I think I BF'd DD2 after a fairly boozy wedding. No ill effects.

Am suddenly full of rage about DH doing two weeks Lands End cycle. I'll be 7.5 months pregnant and have no childcare aS it's the summer holidays. Suspect he hasn't thought about anyone but himself in this equation. Am going to insist he pays for a nanny for us for the two weeks. Or at least an au pair. Spoilt me. But will need it. And am buggered if am going to drive up north with both kids for the blissful moment of seeing him cycle by. If he wants to see the girls that much he shouldn't bloody well be going. Almost looking forward to the row brewing as I know I am righteous. Oh yes. He is a tit. Plus I just found him and his two mates scoffing their way through the girls' treat drawer. Am seething.

beans37 Sat 12-Jan-13 23:08:27

Sorry. Am alright really, but the more I think about his two weeks of holiday being used to not see us and just in the time when I get most stressed, I want to cry.

ArtigeneAuberchoke Sat 12-Jan-13 23:16:33

Oh Beans, to be honest I would think my DH an absolute cock if he suggested that two weeks of his annual leave be spent on a holiday without us. If that holiday also involved training in the weekends beforehand I would hardly have words to describe my feelings. If it all coincided with me being heavily pregnant with a baby he had lobbied for I would just plain kill him. You are righteous and I would very calmly point out just how self centered he is being. If you got a nanny it would not be because you were spoiled it would be because he was failing in his duties and you have basic needs.

Spot, sorry not to be able to offer any GA advice but I am very sorry to hear about the noro. Your lovely little family is not lucky healthwise. Thinking of you.

Lovely to see you Invis. How is everything over your way?

beans37 Sat 12-Jan-13 23:50:42

Thanks Arti. Am so bad at expressing myself to him without screaming and shouting, I think I might have to write it all down and ask him to go away and think about it. Resentment building up and am unable to sleep. Think I am far too long suffering. Funnily enough, the person he is doing it with doesn't have kids. Might suggest he asks one of his friends who does have children and see what they'd say!

Rubena Sun 13-Jan-13 05:48:26

Beans I have to agree with Arti. He isn't exactly incorporating training with a commute to work, and the 2 week thing I didn't think about, as when dh did a race when I was preggo it was half a day thing. smile you are a saint with what you tolerate considering what I bollock dh for! blush

Why oh why do I think chicken wings in middle of the UK night are a good idea?
Please don't let it heavy snow before I get back Monday morn. Then, let it snow! grin Will catch up then! x

JumpJockey Sun 13-Jan-13 07:07:36

Beans I have to agree that taking lots of leave without the family is pretty selfish, esp given that you'll be v pg - dh did his trip last summer but that was kind of a once in a lifetime before his dad dies sort of thing, and he felt pretty gulity about it. (complicated story!) He should definitely provide at least a nanny, and then you get a week or two away with the new baby to have some time off the full-on family duty.

Spot, sending you all some extra strength vibes, you really have been through the wringer on the health front.

We must sort this weekend, ladies. Last night it all got a bit much as the girls are both being so demanding - it's always "mummy do it, not daddy" even on the weekend when he actually is about for bedtime (most nights in the week he's not back in time) and then whichever one I'm talking to, the other one is shouting and trying to get my attention. Realised that I've not had a single night away from parent duty since S was born, and DH and I haven't had a "just us" night in that whole time either. Oh for a bloody grandparent who would actually do something! My dad says "i'll look after them for a couple of hours, but I don't change nappies". Erm, ok then...So the one time we did get out together to go to a concert he came across for the girls'tea time but then we had to pay a babysitter anyway! Grrrargh.

beans37 Sun 13-Jan-13 08:19:40

Thrashed it out last night. He couldn't believe I thought he was selfish. Upshot: we're getting an au pair early July and I get a week away without him and the girls in May. He still seems to think I'll be coming up to watch halfway through. I won't, but will save that nugget for nearer the time.

JJ where do you live? (ish). Just wondering if I can come and help out? Or could you just splash out on a sitter?

X

JamInMyWellies Sun 13-Jan-13 08:55:39

Beans blimey you are being very patient with your DH. Mine does lots of training and does have weekends away without us sometimes. But 2 wks! No way. He really needs to take along hard think about things. Just so not fair on you and the girls.

JJ hire a sitter. DH and I suck it up and swallow the cost of a sitter so that we can have that time together. In fact the wk before Christmas. DH and I got a sitter to come over mid afternoon and buggered off to London to shop and have dinner together. It was fantastic it felt like we were a proper couple doing normal coupley things.

I would love to do a wkend away but I wouldn't be able to do it until later in the yr. I have a wkend away with other friends beginning of March and then we are off to SA for a friends wedding. Plus DH is working nearly every wkend up until then.

McKayz Sun 13-Jan-13 08:59:43

Beans, I'm glad you've sorted something out. I'd be very very unhappy if it was me. Next year maybe it wouldn't be quite so bad but not while you are going to be heavily pregnant.

How do you get a baby to self settle? I've got pretty much no idea what to do as DD will only go to sleep if I feed her to sleep. I really need to try and get her out of this. Even if it is very easy.

JumpJockey Sun 13-Jan-13 09:02:22

Beans v glad you talked it over - the amazing thing is that he still doesn't think it's selfish. There's different kinds of things that take you away from the family - it's ok if it's for the good of the family (eg work commitments) or other family reasons (poorly relatives) or just about if you're doing volunteering (as that helps other people, but not the family unit). Anything else (holidays, hen weekends, sports events..) are basically selfish, and as long as everyone acknowledges that and there's an even balance, it's ok. If he doesn't see that, it's just not on.

Jam, we do try and get sitters, it's just so bloody expensive - the concert night we ended up paying £50 to the sitter for a 2 hour concert as it was in London. We tried to do a babysitting circle, but it's vry hard to sign up to covering for other people as DH can't say what time he'll be home, so I can't promise to be at someone's house at 7pm as he probably won'tbe back.

Boo hoo, eh! Am being v negative about the whole parenthood thing at the moment, just want a break!

JamInMyWellies Sun 13-Jan-13 09:28:05

JJ invest in some teenagers. Ask your neighbours who they use. 50 is alot for 2 hrs shock Or try sitters I think Beans and Rubes have used them

SummerLightning Sun 13-Jan-13 09:31:04

Oh my god. I just tried to prove your point beans

Me to dh: if I wanted to go on 2 week biking holiday what would you say?
Him: ok. When and where?

Right where shall I go? (suspect he hasnt really thought this through) If he asked me I'd tell him to jog on!

Hey going back to beginning of thread (have it flipped and can see the start on my phone) reminds me I never got my secret Santa... So if you posted it I am not being rude but it hasn't arrived...
Spot I hope the op goes well

Meet up I am up for it but we have stuff on most feb weekends and march we have 2 weekends taken up by snowboarding. So will fit in if I can.

Jj I will totally babysit for you. I know you did ask one time before when I was stuck camping in the middle of a field!! I am reliable honest if we sort a date I will put it my diary!

Indith Sun 13-Jan-13 10:18:14

Beans that is tough. Glad you have sorted something out.

I kind of understand both sides really. I think he probably underestimates how tired you will be at that stage of pregnancy. and of course the thing about taking leave which means there is less to take as a family, you getting time out too and so on is all very, very valid. Heck I'm a bit cross with dh because he wants to go down to London for tideway again. Lets just say that this time I will not be quietly but sadly not going on my friend's hen do as I have done in the past but I will be asking dh for the money! Ds2 had better be happy enough to go without boob for a night by July!

But ultimately the desire to do these challanges doesn't go away does it? Don't we all have things we would love to do? And why should be give them all up? I think it is OK to do them so long as you are considerate of the other partner and you make sure that both of you have the chance to follow your dreams. It is just harder for most of us mums at the moment because we are so often carrying or feeding children and more constrained. Hopefully in a few years time it will be us leaving the dads at home for a week or so and doing something for ourselves.

Before children I did the coast to coast, it was wonderful. We carried all our kit on our backs and camped along the way so it was tough, no sherpa van or hotels for us! I would LOVE, LOVE to work my way round more long walks in the UK and I'd sell my kidneys to do the camino de santiago de compostella. One day.

If you spot StealthPolarBear around the wider boards (I think she is SPBindisguise at the moment) then ask her about it or send her a PM, she is lovely and I know her well because we live about 30 seconds walk from each other and our boys are friends. Her dh wanted to do coast to coast and was planning it for just after their ds1 was born. I mean just after. He didn't thankfully but did it a few months ago so a 2 week trip leaving her with the children.

ArtigeneAuberchoke Sun 13-Jan-13 11:45:54

I'm glad you had a good talk Beans. I think my biggest issue would be with the amount of leave being taken up. My favourite times are when we hang out as a family, either at home or on holiday, i would be sad that more than a third of his leave would be taken up with time away from the family. If you go away for a week too, and he has to take leave to care for the girls, then that will be even less time to spend altogether. Then the weekend training on top of that. I would just miss the family time so much.

beans37 Sun 13-Jan-13 12:12:17

Indith, I think you've hit the nail on the head on why I am patient with DH on it. He has always wanted to do it, and I do think he should be able to and, on his side, we didn't know I was up the duff when he organised it. And it's only 2 weeks out of our lives. I'll miss him, but we'll survive... We always do! But it has made me realise that he needs to know that i need his help more. I feel like part of my job as a SAHM is to facilitate his life as he is supporting us, but sometimes I think I don't complain as much as I should, because he seems to think what I do is really easy.
I'm not whining about it because I chose it and I do love it, but he seems to think I do nothing! I think I make it look easier than it is, whilst paddling madly under water IYSWIM?!! Same story for everyone, I think.
That's why I'd like him to take a week off work to spend with the girls and do it all himself. Then he could see how busy I actually am! And I get a week of snoozing and sunning myself with my friend who lives in France. Heaven!

Sorry, right enough. I am over my strop for now.

Also, the honest truth is that sometimes its easier without DH trying to make us do all sorts of 'fun' activities, which are hideous for the children and therefore for me as I try to sort them out!! And if I have an au pair to help out, then life won't be so exhausting!!

Jump, definitely try sitters, they're great!

Indith Sun 13-Jan-13 12:27:58

Yes I think it easy for them to not see how much we do at home because of course they simply don't get the length of time at home without us. Even a week while hard isn't the same as they can get away with a lot of the little things not being done so they don't see how relentless it is.

I have had little bits and bobs away since children. I went to the Isle of Man when I was pg with dd and then I went to see a friend in Spain just before dd turned 2.

It is about striking a balance and making sure everyone gets time to do their own things. Sometimes that is very difficult in terms ot family time and in terms of finances. Sometimes you can't afford to each have a trip on your own in the same year but that's jsut how it is, you have to make sure that it isn't always the same person who gets the time alone.

I think weekends are the worst. By the time dh has rowed on a Saturday and then taken ds1 to rugby on a sunday if I did something there would be no time for the family. So I don't and I simmer with resentment and occasionally explode. Very mature of me I know hmm.

I think you've found a good solution. But make sure you get time for you even if you can't have a week alone right now make sure HE organises activities and takes the dcs out for a morning or a day while you stay home or sort yourself out ot meet a friend for brunch and leave him to entertain them.

JumpJockey Sun 13-Jan-13 12:43:45

We are signed up with sitters! The last two times I've tried, they've said they can't fill the booking, but they only tell you 24 hours beforehand which is nowhere near useful as if you're relying on them, it means having to cancel your engagement at the last minute. They've admitted that they're short of sitters in our part of the country so am thinking of quitting, it's just a subscription for no real benefit most of the time.

The concert admittedly it was 2 hours of concert but 1.5 hours each way on the train plus faffing time, so not fair to say it was just 2 hours for £50 blush but it does add up for one night out in a blue moon. Plus, since we're in minor league moaning about dh's mode, it really pissed me off when he said "do we have a babysitter sorted?" as in I haven't done anything, I assume you have... Not even "have you sorted the babysitter" which would imply that he appreciated that I'd done it, more than somehow this magical Mary Poppins would come out of nowhere!

Beans, your sentence that it's your job to facilitate his life, not sure about that - he supports you financially, but that doesn't mean that it's his right to do whatever he likes! You stay at home to facilitate his going out to work, so that he doesn't have to stay home and look after the girls, but once it's outside the "working day" everything should be equal.

Indith, you are so wise!

McKayz, the self settling thing is such an epic... I fed to sleep for both of them until over 1, then we tried the no cry sleep solution, fortunately I think E did better as she had S there in the room with her.

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