Does God withhold blessings from Christians who are living in disobedience?

(480 Posts)
Jewcy Fri 03-May-13 18:00:12

I am a Christian but my husband is not. I am desperate to be a better person in God's eyes but can not escape the instruction in 2 Corinth ch 6 re being unequally yoked to non-believers. I am nearly 42 and desperately trying to start a family (I mc'd last year). We are due to fly to the Czech Republic in June for donor egg IVF but I can't help worrying that God will not bless me with a child whilst I continue to willfully live a disobedient life. I entered into a relationship with my husband knowing that it is not God's will for me to be with a non-Christian. Am I to be forever outside of God's will? My prayer life has become almost non-existent as I don't feel I can appeal to the Lord for his blessings re a baby and yet it is all I can think about.

I guess the real problem here is that my obsession with starting a family has superceded my devotion and surrender to God's will. Please help me sad

BoundandRebound Fri 03-May-13 18:03:26

Wow

Just wow

If God exists why on earth would that matter?

If there is an omnipotent being that loves us then the minutiae or rules written by men do not matter one whit

Spero Fri 03-May-13 18:06:45

I have always like CS Lewis's take on this - if you do good, with love in your heart, you do it for god. If you hate and do bad things, even if you do it on gods name, he will reject you.

If you love your husband and he is a good man, I struggle with the notion that your god would want to turn his back on you.

This is probably why I do not have a faith - I can't be doing with any deity who would punish or hurt people who do things out of love.

The short answer is no, that is not what God is. And that isn't what the scripture means. I honestly don't know where to start with what you think about such a harsh, interventionist God confused

Instead I will ask why you left it so late to start a family? or gently suggest you think about focusing on something else - maybe get some counselling to cope with not having children if you don't end up pregnant.

God is not taking your baby away because of sin in your life sad It's so sad you think that.

Isabeller Fri 03-May-13 18:19:42

Good luck with your treatment. In my experience it is very stressful all round. We cannot completely control whether we are blessed with the children we hope for but I feel for you very deeply as someone also trying to follow God's will as best I can.

Jewcy Fri 03-May-13 18:24:26

I can't explain why I have left it so late to start a family, Laurie, without entirely outing myself. Believe me when I say I have not been able to think about children until now.

I believe the bible is God-breathed, Bound and hence not 'written' by men. Because of this, I believe that " Corinth 6 about being unequally-yoked is an instruction from God to enrich the Christian's life and not to shackle it. I feel like I am only in a half-marriage being with a non-believer and, as much as I adore my husband, I feel there is a huge void in terms of a shared love of God.

Anyway, can we put aside whether you agree with 2 Corinth:6 and concentrate on whether God withholds blessings? I do not believe God punishes His children but the bible is full of references to godly men who were disobedient and never saw their heart's desire (I'm thinking of Moses and how he never got to see the Promised Land).

Thank you to those who have replied, I do appreciate your opinions.

Pendipidy Fri 03-May-13 18:35:02

My opinion as a Christian would be this: You are not willfully living in disobedience. You made a decision to marry and that decision is now made. If it was wrong, then ask god for forgiveness. God obviously wants married people to stay together if possible and he won't want you to do anything other than pray for your husband and witness to him as a good wife by your behavior. God forgives your sins and then forgets them, so don't think that god Will punish you by not blessing you.

He is a god of love, not revenge or punishment. Jesus died for us to forgive our sins and so we can have life in abundance. God wants to give you good things. Try and live your life how he wants you to, he has a purpose for you that only you can fulfil.

If it is his Will, you Will have a baby. If not, god can give you other hearts desires if you ask him. I Will pray for you cos i know what that longing is like. When do you go? X

Jewcy Fri 03-May-13 19:03:21

Pendipidy, I am very grateful for your insight and your offer of prayer. It is much appreciated. We fly on 10th June and hopefully EC (egg collection) will be the 12th with ET (embryo transfer) on the 17th. Thank you once again xx

Pendipidy Fri 03-May-13 19:08:17

Jewsy, i just thought also. Remember the verse

Matt 6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Pray and read your bible and see if the holy spirit can give you a verse to lean on and believe in that can give you comfort when things are tough x

God def doesn't punish us when we ask for forgiveness and wants to bless us x

Jewcy. You only quote one part of the scripture - it's not about me disagreeing with you, it's about what it actually says. The scripture is about divorce and to let someone go if you are married to a non believer.

You can't just look at one tiny part of a sentence or you would end up with this: "you are hiding under the stairs from the Nazis. God commands us to be quiet" - and then people just taking that we have to live in silence all our lives grin

God is all loving. He is not withholding blessings from you. Instead I assume other things got in the way to prevent you having a family before now. It's the same for me, I'm the same age. I had miscarriages too. I found another way (a harder one - I'm a foster carer to troubled teenagers) and god helps me with that.

It is not helpful or useful to view yourself as worth punishing - adding stress to fertility issues is really unhelpful. Try to focus on the love in your marriage and the love you have for others. And crucially receiving Gods love for yourself.

I will pray too smile

Jewcy Fri 03-May-13 19:15:51

Thanks, Pen. Do you think 'seek first his kingdom and his righteousness' means we first need to live in accordance to His teachings ie. obedience? I can't help feeling, yet again, that there is some sort of caveat to verses such as the one above.

MareeyaDolores Fri 03-May-13 22:28:10

You can't make yourself a better person in God's eyes, nor can we sort out our own sin through our own strength. That's His job. Definitely not ours! wink

Our job is really simple: to keep our eyes on Jesus, and not worry about our past failings and current weakness. Think of Peter hopping out of the boat and walking on the water to get to Our Lord. And he got there. But with help, not by being 'blessed' with self-guided spiritual successes.

When I can't pray, it's usually cos I'm angry with God for something important. 'Having the row' with him direct usually helps, if nothing else it clears the air.

Jewcy Fri 03-May-13 23:09:12

You can't make yourself a better person in God's eyes, nor can we sort out our own sin through our own strength

Thanks, Mareeya, why can't I get this through my thick skull? I am forever forgetting the essence of Grace & forgiveness.

Jewcy Fri 03-May-13 23:12:30

I'm finding it hard to pray because I believe the thing I desire most in my life is not what God wants for me. I am frightened that children may not be a part of my future and that no amount of assisted conception will get me a baby if it's not God's Will. I am afraid that I don't trust God to fulfill me in even greater ways than a potential child could. I'm afraid to surrender to His Will for my life in case it's not (what I would consider) fulfilling sad

bubbles1231 Fri 03-May-13 23:18:48
PedroYoniLikesCrisps Fri 03-May-13 23:18:54

Are you familiar with the concept of biology? Your ability to have children has nothing to do with a supernatural force.

I really hope the treatment works for you, but if it doesn't, it won't be because there's a god who doesn't like you.

Look around you, Christians breed with non Christians all the time, what you believe is completely irrelevant.

bubbles1231 Fri 03-May-13 23:19:50

God loves you and wants what's best for you. Why would he want you to be unfulfilled??

Spero Sat 04-May-13 09:34:27

This is probably why I am a humanist. I was told growing up that God is love ... Then I read the Old Testament.

stressedHEmum Sat 04-May-13 09:42:10

Jewcy, I am "unequally yoked" and I, too, feel as if there is something huge missing in my marriage. However, I also believe that my husband is sanctified through me, as per 1Cor7:14. God has blessed me with 5 wonderful children.

God does not want to punish you, he wants to give you life in all its fullness. Micah6:8 tells us what God requires of us and it isn't slavish obedience and guilt. You love your husband, God does not want your marriage to be set aside, He wants you to make the best possible job of it and to quietly act as a witness of Christian faith to your husband. Read 1Cor 7 carefully, it should give you hope and peace.

If you pray for forgiveness, God, in his grace, forgives and forgets, He doesn't continually punish you. I think that you are doing enough of that for yourself. There is an old hymn that says, "What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and griefs to bear....... Oh what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear, all because we do not carry everything to God in prayer."

Prayer is often the first thing to go when we are stressed, feeling guilty or angry with God, but it is the best thing to help. I will say a prayer for peace for you, but the best thing would be if you could bring yourself to do it. God is waiting for you to talk to him, He always has time to listen and He already knows how you feel and what you want.

I hope your treatment goes well and that you find some peace, because I don't think that this kind of stress can be good for you just now.

Jewcy Sat 04-May-13 12:22:25

Bubbles and Stressed, your posts have been hugely helpful, thank you.

Spero, unsurprisingly, yours has not.

Jewcy Sat 04-May-13 12:26:20

Pedro, I believe God is master of my body and my soul and I want to obey Him and love Him with all my heart and strength.

Spero Sat 04-May-13 13:20:58

But as a Christian I am sure you will forgive me.

exoticfruits Sat 04-May-13 13:24:34

I don't think that God is as petty as humans!

Jewcy Sat 04-May-13 14:27:01

Certainly not, Spero, I would like to see you thrown into the lions' den.

PedroYoniLikesCrisps Sat 04-May-13 15:26:14

Pedro, I believe God is master of my body and my soul and I want to obey Him and love Him with all my heart and strength.

Does he give you instructions then?

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