Birthday Parties - can't stand them

[mears]

My dd had her tenth birthday party today and she went bowling with 11 friends. The hyperactivity drove me insane ( managed to conceal it though), as well as the cheek (from her) and the noise made it a less than enjoyable experience. I have never enjoyed having birthday parties and have always made the 10th the last. We have family meals out now or perhaps 2 or 3 friends over. My neighbour seems to revel in entertaining hoards of children at anytime of the year while I can't stand it. It anybody else out there like me or are you all perfect entertainer mums?

[jampot]

Mears - what a day to ask this question!

I have had the most annoying day re: entertaining other peoples' kids. My daughter's pal came over at 10.30 this morning with his bloody dog. I won't allow the dog into my house mainly because (a) its too big and (b) i don't want to set a precedent. He buggered off home after about an hour only to re-emerge at about 3pm with the bloody dog but wet this time as it was raining quite steadily. Again not allowed in the house. My dh offered to drop him home at about 5pm (dinner in oven by this time). He came back about 10 mins later minus dog but with pal's brother!! Dh looks very sheepish at this point. I decided to make a stand and not feed the visitors as they had not been invited. Still they stayed. I then decided that I would not take them home and wondered when the parents would contact them. At 7pm mother rang - still they didn't go. Then again at 8pm mother rang and then decided to pick up her kids as I obviously wasn't dropping them home!!!!! I am so bloody furious I had told my ds and dd not to even think of inviting friends over for 1 month.

I have also had parties for my kids at home and at various locations and I too feel the same as you - I get really annoyed at kids who misbehave and the general loudness of these events. Best party for my daughter ever was a pony riding party as all the kids were on horses (obviously) and I didn't see them until they had to eat by which time they were frozen and too dithery to play up!!!!

[charliecat]

Uh Oh Im having my first birthday party for both of my kids in a couple of weeks and i was looking forward to it! Someone please say how great it REALLY is!

[jampot]

Really - it's great. You'll have a lovely time!!!!!!

[charliecat]

Thats some change of heart..thinking about it not though, a load of 2 and 5 year olds tearing about after eating loads of junk food isnt such a good idea really is it???!!!!!

[jampot]

Are you having an entertainer or similar? That usually keeps them occupied and focused. In my experience boys tend to be more hyper than girls at parties. Why don't you feed them at the end of the party maybe after games or whatever thereby letting their parents benefit from any e numbers you'll be feeding them!!!!

[charliecat]

Well, im having it at Wear m Out, a soft play area type of thing with a separate bit for the under 5s. I have enough adults to monitor things..i hope..and maybe some of the other parents will stay. I know i do just in case my dd clonks her head or something like that, id feel ever so guilty if i was swanning off shopping. The kids eat half way through the 2 hour session, which i always thought was a bit mad since they could throw everything back up. I might change the menu after this!

[jampot]

That sort of party will be great because the children will just go in and play - in fact I'm sure you'll have trouble getting them out. Our local soft play area is a Wacky Warehouse which has proved very popular over the years. Actually this year's party for dd (10) was a Hawaiian themed party at home and it was actually very good thinking about it. I was really in a bad mood when I posted my first message. Sorry!!!

[SueW]

Not sure why but I have become a little less inclined to have hordes of children round recently and yet last year I happily allowed DD to invite all her class plus more to both a Halloween party and a birthday party which we held at home (had an entertainer for the latter though).

WRT to bowling - I find it utterly exhausting and irritating anyway. Our local megabowl is full of noise - music played loudly because the place is warehouse-sized but it sound tinny; crashes of bowling balls hitting the lanes; electronic games in the background plus the noise of the players. It gives me a headache.

I used to love bowling but hate megabowl. And many people who go seem unable to play properly - teenagers with the bumpers up at the side (surely this is only for tinies?); no politeness over taking balls from the centre thingummy or allowing the person to your ?right/left to go first. Very different to bowling in the old alleey!

So maybe it's a combo of the choice of venue, your DD's hormones begining to rage and your natural inclination not to entertain!

[Tortington]

i dont do birthday parties with lots of childen and pass the parcel as a rule. a nice quiet family affair with a birthday cake and a couple of close relatives should be enough. when they are little if you give them birthday parties they will expect it every year, then you have to better last years and ohh i know not just a party at home which costs a bomb - but lets go to the pictures as well - top that - ermm... we will go to the fun fair...top that erm......

nothing wrong with a quiet affair - the kidsa re happy and you dont have to be paranoid about whether or not you house is clean enough for the childs friends parents to see!

my sons 14 on wednesday ( my bbbbaaaaby) - might just give him and one friend money for the pictures - buy him a cake and that will be that.

[Tortington]

and shes off!!

then you get into competing with other parents and other parents parties and "sarah went to chessington with all her class" good for sarah you get a cake from tesco for a £5 and if you dont like it your the spoiled little brat i never wanted you to be.

sometimes i cannot believe parents indulge their children to the extreem of having all these parties not just birthdays biut xmas and easter and halloween with entertainers and invite the whole class.this must cost so much money - does no one think this is a tad obscene? another indication of societies wider ills me personally thinks. i suspect its more than a popularity contest for the child

[codswallop]

my ds1s is in august - lovely - 8 boys, 32 degrees and the garden

[suedonim]

I don't much like holding parties, either. It's the responsibility of looking after other people's children that gets to me and whether everyone's enjoying themselves, and sorting out squabbles and then the mess to clear up afterwards. But dd has loved the parties she's had and I fear I shall have to provide one for her next birthday or I'll be toast.

Custardo, I agree about the ridiculous expense some people go to. When we were in Jakarta the trendy Party Bag gift was a real baby rabbit or a cage bird!!!!!!!!! Can you imagine?? Apparently, few of these poor creatures survived their first week.

[tigermoth]

I'd hate my child to come home with one of those party bags, suedonim. What on earth do you do with a surprise baby rabbit?

IME birthday parties can bring all sorts of social tensions to a head - who you invite, who you don't and who decides to come, especially when the children are younger and parents have to stay. A friend and I fell out twice each time around the time of my son's birthday party, once when he was 4 and again when he was 8. At his 4 years old party, I did a double whammy and also managed to fall out with a close neighbour and her uninvited and much older child, too. Just don's ask about that one! I am honestly not a falling-out-with-people sort of person. I have only fallen out with a couple of other minor friends in my entire life.

My son had a megabowl bowling party last year for his 9th birthday. I hated the noise, but steeled myself in advance and insisted dh was there. We only had 8 children in total and they were mostly well behaved, considering. It was not that expensive, comparing the prices of some parties (yes, agree that traditional home parties can be very expensive). This year we will have an outing. I tend to alternate between outing and party each year, but have never yet had a big party at home and will duck out of this forever.

Two things annoy me about party guests - so few say thankyou and some of them are so grabby - where's the cake, where's my party bag etc etc and even their parents don't say thanks when they whisk them away. In my day, you would always say a thankyou to the host.

Also, two of the boys my son invited didn't give him a present or a card. OK, not carping about that, invite doesn't equal present - but in each case their parents stopped me and aplogised. They said they had already got a present for him but had forgotten it and would give it to him later. The parents as far as I know aren't particularly hard up and it's not as if they have spend more than a couple of pounds on a book, but six months later nothing from either of them. To my son it's a broken promise and I don't like being lied to.

[bubbly]

Havent posted for an age been too dragged down by it all but this one got me.The reason I like parties is it's the only time of year I get to do the kind of things I thought I would do wiht my kids. Help them make decs hang them up (decs not kids!) make the food wiht them jelly and choc crispies. Wrap pass the parcel and make a fab home made mess of a cake designed by dh (usually at midnight the night before) and serioulsy badly executed by me lots of food coluring and a lot of ready roll icing. My kids have a few friends over never more that 8 and never longer than 90 mins, play silly games and do lots of dancing and afterwards we eat leftovers and drink alot to clebrate. They love it we love it and we have never had a problem wiht I-want-itis maybe that comes later?

The rest of the year I shout at them rush them tidy up after them shop for them cook (dull) food for them feel guilty for forgetting their homework and book bags/pe kit or whatever and dont really relish it but b-day parties I love.

Go for it Charliecat and enjoy!

[SueW]

There's a lovely mum at school who, as she picks up her child from a party here, always hands me a bottle of wine and chocolates. Wonderful woman. Her son's no trouble either!

[FairyMum]

I looove organising parties. My DD has parties all year around. She has a birthday party, a Christmas party and a summer-party. The only party I regretted was a cooking party she had last year. Eight 6- year- olds cooking spaghetti and chocolate eclairs in my kitchen. Never again!

[mears]

Different views here, that is good. I have to say that one of the best parties I ever did was a 'home made' one with games and pass the parcel etc. but that was when the kids were much younger.

I so agree with custardo - the competition that ensues of having the biggest party with the whole class invited really gets me. Dd was told she had to pick 11 friends for the bowling. That was a huge party for me but also meant other children were left out.

I am so relieved that I made the 'no big parties after the age of 10' rule. I feel I can just draw the line and my kids know not to expect any class outing.
It is much nicer to celebrate as a family (and a damned sight cheaper too)

[suedonim]

I guess in Jakarta, you'd hand the rabbit over to your maid or the children's nannie, Tigermoth. I'm just glad dd didn't go to that sort of party!

As it was, she came home from one party with a beautiful personalised backpack - all the children in her class received one. I declined to give her a party this year - couldn't compete, unless I could find a source of baby Komodo Dragons or personalised tigers or something!

[Norma]

Yeah, and all that party-bag one-up-manship stuff makes me sick. The little horrors stand there asking for their party bags as if it's their whole reason for coming.
Last party I gave I made them all close their eyes for their party bags and then handed them each a pineapple. God knows what their parents thought but it was funny to see their faces. Actually the kids thought it was well cool.

[Twinkie]

Message withdrawn

[Slinky]

DS1s birthday is 17 December and I've managed to "talk him out" of a party

The plan is to take 3 of his best mates (3 lovely ones as it happens) to the cinema to see "Elf" - new Christmas film due out soon, then a meal at Brewsters.

[Bozza]

Don't worry charliecat. At that age at a soft play centre I would imagine most of the parents would stay.

[charliecat]

I will let you know how the party goes, probably under the thread PARTY FROM HELL! I have been stocking up on things for the party bags for months and am going to attempt pass the parcel. I do hope it goes well!

[charliecat]

Just to update, party was fab! Didnt forget anything, didnt lose any children, noone fell over more than once and everyone had a great time. I loved it!