I panicked feeling unprepared for parenthood at 38 weeks and took a tree identification course to help me be the kind of parent I wanted to be. What a plonker!

(104 Posts)
nevergoogledragonbutter Tue 29-Sep-09 00:00:25

DH and I were remembering the other day that we were so worried that we weren't ready to become parents and we didn't know enough to pass on to our unborn child.

I promptly booked us onto a tree identification walk in a local ancient woodland and spent the day filling our heads with information we could teach our child.

I was so pregnant I didn't fit through the kissing gate and they had to open up the big farm gate for my waddling self.

He'll be 5 this week and has still never asked us about particular types of trees.

His favourite tree is 'a green one'.

The other day he spent hours quizzing us on killer whales and DH said, 'Can't you ask us about trees?'

I'm really really hoping somebody else is going to come along and tell me what stupid things they felt necessary to being a prepared parent so I don't feel quite so silly.

DungeonButter Mon 05-Oct-09 12:34:58

Yay! We made it into the roundup.

Still waiting for the day i make it into the round up for saying something ridiculous rather than just being ridiculous. but hey ho.

grin

lljkk Sun 04-Oct-09 09:56:15

ROFL at Morningpaper and the Golf.
All I can remember is that I intended to go volunteer in nurseries for a few weeks before the birth, because I knew had no practical experience whatsoever in caring for babies. This was 10 years ago, and maybe I would have been accepted as a volunteer back then (in reality, I decided to sit on the sofa, eat lots of chocolate and generally enjoy brooding).

Can you imagine getting a volunteer job at a nursery today, the leaps and hoops of getting CRB checked and suitable-person vetted?

ApplesinmyPocket Sun 04-Oct-09 09:03:12

Haha, nice one, Dragon! A tree-identifcation course - best one I've heard!

I don't think I'll take a leaf out of your book, though. People would think I was barking mad.

(Might be some tree puns left for someone else, branch, roots, nuts, etc.)

roundwindow Sun 04-Oct-09 08:49:20

Haven't read the whole thread but just wanted to say grin grin grin to OP, that's the best laugh I've had all weekend!

Can't trump the tree identification course but am thinking about daft baby gear purchases which I suppose can put me firmly next door to you in plonker-land (this must have been done on another thread) Towelling change-mat cover from the White Company anyone? you can imagine what happened the first and last time I used that grin

weliveonpastaandtoast Sat 03-Oct-09 21:35:15

Oh, I love this thread, I got really anxious about tree identification when pregnant too but settled for lots of unopened well-cared-for spotter guide books...

lol I am loving your hobbies grin

DungeonButter Thu 01-Oct-09 22:11:49

i'm not even nearly joking geraldine.

I love a good hobby me. grin

LOL oh stop it with your barbershop quartet choir, that's hillarious!! grin

nevergoogledragonbutter Thu 01-Oct-09 21:07:24

i did attempt to join a barbershop quartet choir while pregnant with DS2 and was told I couldn't possibly sing properly with a huge baby in my tum. Something to do with lung expansion.
But the teacher never copped a feel MP.

DownyEmerald Thu 01-Oct-09 15:02:34

now why didn't that work?

back to work!

DownyEmerald Thu 01-Oct-09 15:01:51

I can sense a business opportunity here:

wildflower/butterfly/fairy/dinosaur/stars and planets/truck identification for the modern parent

how much --could I get away with-- should I charge do you think?

morningpaper Thu 01-Oct-09 13:59:17

> <<ponders how MP could swing a golf club with a swollen pregnant belly>>

<cough> well my instructor spent a lot of time with his arms around me holding the golf club, telling to stick my arse out FURTHER to get the bump out of the way

Honestly it was terrible

penona Wed 30-Sep-09 22:29:54

Oh my, the excel spreadsheet of parenting styles is just the funniest thing I have read in ages.

Do you still have it? Could you post it for us? Oh, and what style did you decide to go with?!?!

Thank you for making my night.

nevergoogledragonbutter Wed 30-Sep-09 22:28:55

not sure yet top secret

pushmepullyou, if you have an old mobile phone or dont mind giving him/her yours to hold, thats the only thing that used to work with my champion nappy anarchist. They are so delighted at getting hands on forbidden object, they forget to struggle....

Dragonbutter, how exciting, whats the next one to be of, or is it a secret?

nevergoogledragonbutter Wed 30-Sep-09 22:20:16

why thankyou geraldine.

i'be been formulating a new design in my head tonight. i love this stage of a mosaic.

Am very impressed by the number of budding (sorry) tree enthusiasts that this thread has revealed.

Would be very happy to exchange tree identification tips for advice on how to entertain a stroppy 10 month old who can already outwit me at nappy changing time!

I became crazed and manic when I hit eight months, sanded the floorboards of the stairs, upstairs hallway and baby's room, painted them all white (it looked CLEAN, you see), put together a massive flatpack chest of drawers, the cot, a tall bathroom cabinet, painted the bathroom. Totally unnecessary, we moved a year later and ds1 must have been in his room for all of six months....what a lunatic. Also Obsessively watched the baby whisperer on Discovery Channel and then agonised over not following her advice once ds1 was born.

Dragonbutter, I nosed at your profile, love your mosaics, they're fab grin

almondfinger Wed 30-Sep-09 21:52:04

Awww, glad it works, ha ha at the dreadlocks.

Mine was Summertime and to be honest by the time she came even I was sick of it. Now she ggets fly me to the moon and dd2 loves it too.

nevergoogledragonbutter Wed 30-Sep-09 21:24:48

I sang bob marley to my bump in the hope that he would be born with dreadlocks. wink

although have to admit that was actually a good idea. when he was born very sick and in an incubator in NICU, they wouldn't let me hold him. I sang him the same bob marley song instead of cuddling him and he settled right down from tears.
(some of this hippy shit works you know)

YouLukaAmazing Wed 30-Sep-09 21:23:00

Message withdrawn

almondfinger Wed 30-Sep-09 21:17:39

Love the spreadsheet!!!

I sang a comfort song to the bump at every opportunity (when I was alone) so that when it was born I could sing it and it would, you know, comfort them. It never worked, she has never shown an ounce of recognition when I sing said song! Incey wincey bloody spider was what did the trick for a while and is still a firm favourite.

DH slept on the fleece for the buggy to scent it for comfort. It smelt of wool.

I've been thinking about a book on trees, but also mushrooms (in case we ever decide to go forraging - currently live in Londonhmm) and birds.

IdrisTheDragon Wed 30-Sep-09 21:14:03

From reading the title of the thread I thought it was going to be a course with a tree diagram that would identify what sort of parent you would be.

I am sure I did daft things while pregnant. Sadly having given birth to two children has made my brain unable to remember any of them....

IdrisTheDragon Wed 30-Sep-09 21:13:54

From reading the title of the thread I thought it was going to be a course with a tree diagram that would identify what sort of parent you would be.

I am sure I did daft things while pregnant. Sadly having given birth to two children has made my brain unable to remember any of them....

opinionatedmother Wed 30-Sep-09 21:12:13

erm. nope. did if anything too little prep - my lounge was still bare plaster & floorboards until a week before due date and everything was about getting that finished.

i bought a large tv and a laptop. this proved to be sensible. still don't have a baby monitor (am of a philosophical bent - if its yelling and i can't hear it, is there a problem?)

was bought a fork & spoon by a friend which DD has just started using aged 2.

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