Advice pleas on how to discipline a boisterous two year-old boy!!

[Gateau]

Our DS is gorgeous - he looks very cherubic, but, boy is he lively - and very, very wilful!
By this I mean, lying on pavements if he doesn't get hiis own way, kicking if you life him, and running round supermarkets with his Dad chasing him (couldn;t get him into trolley. Sometimes it all just gets out of hand. To people, he must look like a spoilt brat and I really, really don't want him to be like that. NO amount of stern talking to him helps.
My family thinks a little tap on the hand would help solve the problem and so does my DH. But I am not so keen. Does anyone have any advice; seconddly does anyone do the tapping on hand things nowadays, and does it work?

[Gateau]

Ooopos; lots of typos there,but I think you'll catch the drift!

[ellingwoman]

Forget tapping. I mean, what's the point?

And I DID understand most of your post but not 'kicking if you life him'

Is he too young to bribe? 'If you stay with me round the supermarket I'll let you choose a comic?' AND THEN STICK TO IT!!

Worked for me, but I am a lazy sort of parent...

[Gateau]

Thanks rasputin. So few people seem to do any sort of hand tapping these days; I just fear I would get villified if I did it in public! But I really fear it may be the only solution; I don't want a spoilt brat who rules my life though.

[Gateau]

Too young to bribe, ellingwoman.
KNow what you're saying re the reward, but in my book, that still means the child is always in charge.

[sheepgomeep]

loads of sympathy have same problem with dd2, she is also 2

I do occaisionally tap on the hand but only in severe circumstances when she is about to do something completely mad like run out in the road or struggle out of her car seat.

I don't like bribes either

[llareggub]

My 2.5 year old sounds like yours but he is just about old enough to understand bribery which out of desperation I am exploiting as I also have a newborn.

I use stickers. He gets a sticker if he is kind and helpful, particularly to his little brother. If he is unkind, naughty or doing something dangerous I take stickers away. When he has 5 stickers he gets to go to the car museum which = heaven. When he is uncontrollable I put him on timeout on the stairs for a couple of minutes. When he is good I pile on the praise.

We also make sure that we fit in an hour or so of very physical exercise to make sure he gets exhausted. He is most uncontrollable when tired; so I make sure he has his full quota of naps and if he resists we go for a spin to enforce rest.

I also pick my battles. Basically if he isn't harming himself or others I leave it as we have too many battles at the moment. Sounds easy but I am finding this age so difficult at the moment.

Mine looks cherubic too. Boy, can appearances be deceptive! I don't use hand tapping or anything like that as I am trying to teach him not to hit or hurt anyone, which is a big problem with him.

It is hard, isn't it?

[Gateau]

"He is most uncontrollable when tired"

Yep, I ma beginning to think that is the reason, most of the time.

It's hard, yes; very hard.

[3littlefrogs]

Normal little boy, by the sound of it.

Loads of exercise and out door play. Avoid taking him shopping if humanly possible.

REINS (not popular, I know, but worked a treat for me) whenever you are in a shop or on a bus or anywhere where running off might be a problem.

Be careful with diet/sweets/additives etc.

IME stern talking to makes no impression on a lively 2 year old. They simply can't process the information. You just have to use one word, NO, as and when appropriate.

Tap on the hand not a good idea IMO - he will only copy you, think it is a game, and then what are you going to do?

[3littlefrogs]

Also - overtiredness/overstimulation always led to hyperactivity with my boys.

[Gateau]

Yep, little frogs, of course he's a normal, healthy little boy. But I don't want him running rings round me.
We have decided to food shop online, or some of us do it at night when DS is in bed. I mostly do clothes shopping in my lunchtimes when at work.
The NO bit doesn't work, which is why I'm looking for alternatives.

[saintmaybe]

'Tapping' will only shock him into compliance for so long, then what? You have to escalate the violence to get the same reaction, until one day he's bigger than you. Llaggerub sums it up really, 'I don't use hand tapping or anything like that as I am trying to teach him not to hit or hurt anyone'

[phatcat]

Take a look at the 123 Magic technique - it is working a treat for us. Several threads on here plus links on Google and Amazon book reviews. Author is Thomas Phelan. HTH

[Gateau]

I agree with what you say re tapping, saint. Which is why I'm reluctant to do it.
But I'm tearing my hair out looking for a solution. Everyone else's toddlers seem to be so much better behaved - and ours is running around going bonkers!

[cory]

I used to stop at a certain point on my way to the shop and strap dd in the buggy at this age. Then hang shopping basket on back of buggy.

Or keep reins on if not using buggy.

Also, engage him in interesting conversation about dinosaurs or something just before you get to the trolley, whisk him in, job done!

[Gateau]

Phatcat, I quite like the look of that book you recommended. Thanks.
It's not too "american", is it?

[llareggub]

We have a special trolley game which DS loves. It means pushing the trolley at speed, but it is worth it!

[Guadalupe]

The one time I tapped ds2's hand he did it straight back so it seems daft. This is the age where they copy everything.

He's 2.5 and we sometimes have days like you describe. I did actually manage a small shop the other day that was fairly civilised but he wasn't tired or grumpy and ds1 and dd were showing him things. I mostly do big shops online.

I wouldn't worry about what other people think, it's perfectly normal two year old behaviour, and as for running rings around you, it's part of his development to test the boundaries and assert his independance. If it's dangerous, remove him, if he lies on the floor and shouts, let him, he'll give up eventually and will soon become more reasonable. I say things like if you run away again you will go in the pushchair, and of course sometimes he runs away again and in the pushchair he goes, but, yesterday, for the first time, he looked at where he wanted to go, looked back at me and then sat down again! It does come slowly, but there are days where you feel like pulling your hair out.

[Guadalupe]

and yours isn't the only one doing it, there were a LOT of toddlers lying on the floor shouting or running with a parent chasing after them in the sea-life centre yesterday. We were one of them.

[saintmaybe]

It's tough, isn't it. Ds1 particularly wasn't ever easy, but is now 12 and so lovely, and ds2 has autism, and although equally lovely is prob never going to be easy. But I'm so glad that the relationship I have with them now isn't based on threats and bribes, because they sure as anything are getting to the stage where i'd be running out of things that would work. You've got to to look at the long term. It was a tortuous path, but we arrived eventually at the 'how to talk so kids will listen/ unconditional parenting' stylee. Working that way when they're little is 'money in the bank' for when you need to get through to them when they're older.
and i comfort myself with the thought that a lot of the adults I like and admire aren't necessarily easy, certainly not 'obedient'! Try not to get too het up about other parents judgement. You have your kids, they have theirs. Maybe their luck will change and their next child will be more, ahem, spirited, or maybe they'll have the luxury of smugness forever. Whatever you do someone somewhere will judge you for it, so you might as well practise letting go of that now.

[3littlefrogs]

Mine were awful. I do feel for you, honestly.

I had no family support, no online shopping in those days either. 2 is too young to do much other than avoid situations that could turn into a battle. They are too young to understand much in the way of threats or bribery - the memory/attention span is too short. It is all very much "here and now" at that age.

I just avoided shopping as much as possible, and spent loads of time in the park. I thought of them very much as one would think of puppies - in terms of exercise, food, sleep, and suitable places to take them .

If it is any comfort, they are now 18 and 20, extremely bright, doing very well academically, and I am frequently told how polite and charming they are.

As they get older they understand more, and it gets easier. I think it is all about realistic expectations.

So take heart. It will get better.

[Gateau]

Thank you, l3ittlefrogs for your reassuring comments.
"I thought of them very much as one would think of puppies - in terms of exercise, food, sleep, and suitable places to take them ."

Funny you should say that. I often think that too. I get DS out and about to burn off energy as much as possible.
Online shopping and shopping at night are the way forward, I think!

[ruddynorah]

yes you need to avoid the situations that build this up. so do the online shopping, and you should do clothes shopping while him and dh have quality father and son time and you have a saturday to yourself

[Gateau]

Thanks ruddy.
Unfortunately DH works most Saturdays . So I fit in most of my clothes shopping at lunchtimes when at work.
Last week however DS climbed into his buggy (extremely rare!) and made it very clear he wanted to go out. So I took full advantage and did a bit of clothes shopping. He was fantastic. Then he fell asleep - bliss! But that's rare!!

[Guadalupe]

Those moments will happen more and more though. Ds1 is 11 now and I can hardly remember how awful he was between two and a half and three but my mum reminds me. He's so well behaved now. Actually dd never once had a toddler tantrum and she is much harder work.

The puupies thing is true too. We spend most of the morning running, walking doing outdoor stuff whatever it is to burn off his energy. I think this wheneever I see the poster BoysAreLikeDogs. It's true!