Right, I'll try again shall I? My little darling cherub is getting me up every night and I want it to stop, like, YESTERDAY!

[Rhubarb]

Thank you to those of you who already gave advice, but due to my sleep-deprived brain I had to delete the whole thread because of an inappropriate word and someone saying they wouldn't have any sympathy with my plight because of the word I used. (That person obv not knowing my circumstances very well.)

Ds is 5. He's a bad sleeper but he CAN sleep through. He'll often go through phases of waking up but then we'll crack it and he'll sleep through again.

This phase is the longest lasting. He is waking every night. Sometimes twice or 3 times. It can be for a drink, but more often it's nightmare related. Not night terrors note, but nightmares.

He used to sit in bed and cry, getting louder until one of us would go to him (usually me). I thought that if he came into our room when he had a nightmare, that'd save me getting out of bed at least. That worked for a while, but now when I send him back to bed, he'll sit on his bed and sob. He does seem genuinely upset.

He has a light shining in his room (because he doesn't like the dark). I've put things under his pillow to keep the nightmares away, I've lined up his superheroes to look after him, I've threatened him, I've devised a reward chart. None of this works.

Coming into our bed is NOT an option. This is exactly what he wants and will only encourage him.

I need a plan.

[PussinJimmyChoos]

What, if anything, different were you doing on the periods that you did crack it and he slept ok?

Could it be diet related?? Sounds mad but maybe something in the diet making him have nightmares? I do sympathise..DS (nearly 3) only started going through the night about three months ago and its so draining!

[BitOfFun]

< chuckle > Fresh start a good idea!

Slow release melatonin? Worked wonders with dd2.

[Rhubarb]

We were tough on him. Although I've a feeling I've made a rod for my own back by suggesting he come into our room when he's had a bad dream. Before I'd have to get up, and yes I'd get bloody angry at him and the times we've cracked it are the times when I could take it no more and screamed at him in the middle of the night.

I don't want to have to let it get to that stage again.

You'd think at 5 I'd be able to reason with him a little wouldn't you?

[Rhubarb]

It's very hard in the cold light of day so tell your child that if they have a nightmare, they have to deal with it because if they wake you up there'll be hell to pay.

Obv I don't like threatening him with that.

Last night he seemed genuinely upset and sobbed in my arms when I went in. But other nights he's not so upset. I don't know if he's just trying it on all the time/some of the time/none of the time.

[stealthsquiggle]

Is coming into your bed not an option even if it is temporary? DS went through a phase like this and because I just do not function any time between 2 and 5 am (rather than through any conscious decision) I would just let him come into bed with us. After a while the novelty appeared to wear off and he went back to sleeping through.

Now DD is doing it instead [sigh]. Although she has got better in the last couple of weeks - light at the end of the tunnel, possibly?

[Rhubarb]

The reason it's not an option is because I really do think he'd sleep in our bed all the time then. He's never enjoyed having his own bed and relishes the thought of coming into our bed.

Plus it's no better when he does. He kicks, cries out in his sleep, etc. He's very restless which makes me think perhaps he does have nightmares? He just needs training to get back to sleep on his own.

He did come into our bed on Sat. I was fucked and didn't really cotton on that he was in our bed, I thought I was dreaming.

[littlerach]

Sympathies Rhubs, as dd2 is a crap sleeper.

However, the last 2 weeks she has only woken one night (longest stretch I can remember).

She is genuinely pleased when she has slept all night, and tells her teacher.

Hope you manage to sort it out.

[SusieDerkins]

Do you think he really is having nightmares or is he trying it on?

Does he tell you what his nightmares are about?

My two used to be rubbish sleepers but have been a zillion times better since they've had nightlights. Ds1 did try it on with the "I'm thirsty" routine but I bought those sporty cup things (to avoid spillages) and I leave them a drink of water on their bedside tables so they can help themselves in the night.

[Rhubarb]

littlerach - what did you do then? How did you manage it?

[stealthsquiggle]

I insist on my DC starting the night in their own beds - that way if they do sleep through they are in the right place - but I can absolutely sympathise with the fidgety sleeper problem.

No more options to offer, I am afraid. GP to eliminate medical issues??

[Rhubarb]

Susie - he now has a drink in his room. No, he doesn't remember the nightmares. I think he is waking up at night and having trouble getting back to sleep.
He is easily scared so perhaps he frightens himself? He does have a light shining in his room.

[Rhubarb]

Actually, if you press him, he'll usually come out with a tale about monsters trying to eat him. But you can tell he's thinking about what to say.

[GooseyLoosey]

I was going to ask if it could be diet related too. A friend's dd had a similar issue and she stopped giving her milk at night (she was a similar age as well) and it stopped.

Do the nightmares have a theme eg monsters / ghosts etc? If so, can you attempt to address the fear - eg have a fun monster hunt every night to make sure that there aren't any? Of course if he wakes up anyway, there is no point in the fun hunt before bed - you could also make that clear to him.

[seeker]

If it really is a complete no -no to take him into your bed, have you tried a story tape? Dd used to wake up a lot - she still does at 13, just that sort of sleeper, I guess - and she had a story tape she could turn on. It worked brilliantly - she knew it by heart after a while, and it had a sort of hypnotic effect. She still has it (it's the Sophie stories by Dick King Smith) and she still uses it sometimes.

Has he got a night light? Or a torch under his pillow?

[seeker]

Oops sorry, yes he does have a night light.

Have you tried no screen time for 2 hours before bed time? Some people say it excites their brains too much for them to get into proper deep sleep.

[brimfull]

We had a problem with dd when she was around this age.
Drove us nuts .
It was driven by fear when she woke up and probably related to us being burgled during the night.

We solved it by giving in.
We didn't let her into our bed but told her if she was frightened she could sleep in our room on the floor.

Sounds cruel but she was fine with it.She pullled out her little sleeping bag and pillow from under our bed and just went to sleep.
Sometimes she woke us when she came in but after a while we just found her there in the mroning.

She always started of in her own room but in the morning there she was curled up on the floor.
She eventually just grew out of it and stopped coming in.

[Rhubarb]

No, it's not diet. He has no other issues that would make me think that.

He's had charms under his pillow to help keep the monsters away and an army of toys in his bed. I'm not sure if the nightmare thing isn't just a ruse. I think he's just waking up and unable to get back to sleep on his own.

[littlerach]

2 weeks ago I made dh sleep in spare room (floor baopve) as his snoring was keeping me up.

Dd2 started sleeping better that night

Coincidence?
maybe.

But she used to wake up crying, having had a dream, or calling out to me, pretty much every night.
I think t could have been dh'd snoring rousing her in her sleep.

Not the perfect solution at all, but happier dd2! And me!!

[Gipfeli]

Well, obviously you know your ds best, but if this were my ds and I thought that perhaps not all the calls to me in the night were entirely necessary I might go down the bribery route. Stickers work well enough for my ds with the promise of one or more small treats at strategic progress points on his chart.

Maybe you could have a system of something like 3 stickers if there are no wakings in a night and 1 if he does genuinely have nightmare and needs you, so that he still knows he can call you if he really needs to but works out that he gets more if he doesn't call unneccessarily.

This approach often works well with my ds but, crucially, I only use it for things I know that he can actually do, but chooses not to. It's like he needs a little push to actually stop taking the easy route. And in most cases the "issue" stops before we reach the end of the chart and the new way just becomes normal and the sticker-giving fizzles out.

Depends on your ds though and what motivates him.

[SusieDerkins]

What a pita for you. The only other thing I can suggest is treating him to a new duvet cover/pillowcase etc. I know it sounds odd but when ds2 (3) was being a pain about sleeping I let him choose new bedding (it was only about a tenner) and new pyjamas and also to choose which of his teddies etc he had in/on his bed. We even had a rota of which teddies would be in bed with him (ffs...) I also came up with some old baloney about his teddies being lonely in his bed without him. As your ds is 5 he might be a bit passed all that teddy/bribery stuff but you never know.

[Rhubarb]

On the floor you say....hmmm.....

May consider that one.

Seeker - we have a routine at bedtime of drink, toilet, teeth, story, bed. He usually gets to sleep ok, it's just keeping him asleep.

I don't always know what time he wakes up as I dread to look at the clock, but it can range from midnight to 3am.

[Rhubarb]

littlerach, I could say to dh that it's his fault I suppose and shove him in the loft!

[Rhubarb]

Ok, so persist with the stickers - 3 for a whole night of sleep and just 1 if he has a nightmare.

Let him sleep on the floor if he won't go back to his room without sobbing.

Will try these methods. I do feel better if I have a plan, the helplessness you feel if you think you've tried everything is horrible.

[yappybluedog]

i think the sleeping on the floor next to your bed is a good idea

I always have a spot of sympathy for the little blighters, after all, we are usually tucked up with dp's and they are alone

I still wake up frightened in the night, it's not a nice feeling